I've been overweight for most of my life. According to my mom, it started around early grade school. It's been a constant struggle for me.
Weights that come to mind:
5th-6th grade -- 170 lbs
12th grade -- 190 lbs
26 years old -- 265 lbs
31 years old (today) -- 317 lbs
Until recently, I was sure this weight would stay with me for the rest of my life, along with the many health issues it has and would bring.
In the past, I have tried dieting. Believe me, I didn't get to this weight because I ignored the problem.
I remember a physician monitored diet around 6th grade where I was to take in 1200 calories a day. The coaching/help received from the doc was in the form of a two page document that explained what I should eat for each meal. That's it. No help with understanding portions. No explanations of what healthy foods could be substituted for less healthy ones. Really, it was all no help.
The next year, I remember my mom trying to bribe me to lose weight. "Robyn, if you lose 20 pounds, I will buy you that jacket you want". Again, there was no teaching me how to realistically modify my eating habits, just a carrot (pun!) dangled up too high to get.
Please, don't get me wrong, my mom was doing the best she could. She just didn't have the tools to help me. No one had ever shown her what was a proper portion size or anything of that nature. She didn't need it because she'd always been a person who is always moving, burning calories. Plus, as a single mother, she was working long hours to pay bills. She couldn't be everywhere at once.
In high school, I thought I was so freakin' fat. Now, I'd give anything to weigh 180/190 pounds.
There are several reasons I need and want to finally lose weight.
- I have a birth defect--a malformed vertebrae (L5) that causes my spine to have a 33 degree curve. It can be very painful, as I can hurt the muscles of my lower back very easily, since they're attached differently than they are designed. One day, I'll have to have surgery to fuse my tailbone to my L5 to my L4. Excess weight, especially as much as I am carrying now, would make the success of that surgery very questionable and the recovery time will be harder and longer.
- I have asthma that is exacerbated by the extra pounds.
- My knees have started to hurt a lot within the last few months
- I want to have a baby. At my current weight, I am less fertile, I would have a high risk pregnancy (gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.), and my back would be a huge problem with adding pregnancy pounds to it's burden. If I had a child right now, I wouldn't have the energy to be a proper parent.
- My mom is diabetic, creating a greater risk for me of becoming diabetic myself.
After years of trying to lose weight, I feel defeated whenever I think about trying again. Thirty years of failures does not inspire my confidence.
About two years ago, I began to seriously consider bariatric surgery. My mom was very supportive, but my fiance wasn't. Without his support, there would be very little chance of success. So, I gave up that idea.
Things have changed though. My fiance (a.k.a. my "undocumented husband" or "UH") came home a few weeks ago and asked me if I'd ever considered gastric bypass (he forgets previous conversations a lot. Love him, not his memory ;) ) I wondered where that question had come from and he said that one of his coworkers had the surgery and told him all about his experience. I reminded my UH that we had talked about this before and his unwillingness to support me had put an end to my considering the procedure.
We had a long talk, during which I explained why I felt it was something I could benefit from and that I didn't see the surgery as a cure, but more of a helping hand. By the end of the convo, my UH said that he would completely support me now that he'd been able to talk to someone who had experienced it first hand.
I mulled this conversation over in my head for a couple weeks and, finally, today, I had an appointment with my primary care provider (a.k.a. my doctor/ my "PCP") to talk about it and to get a referral to begin the process of finding out if I am a candidate.
PCP she believes I should qualify as a candidate. She said that now is a good time, because I am still pretty healthy for a person with my body mass index. She said that, by the time I am 35 in four short years, I won't be so health -- I'll very likely, at minimum, be a diabetic. I was given a referral to see a bariatric surgeon.
This does not mean the surgery is for sure and, even if I do have it, it may be a year before I get there. For insurance and protocol to make sure I'm truly a candidate -- both physically and psychologically -- there are several hoops for me to jump through.
Per PCP, who I just found out had the surgery herself, I will likely have to do another physician managed diet to satisfy the insurance company. Also, each candidate needs to attend several individual and group therapy sessions for pre-op patients to sort out the person's relationship with food (emotional eaters, etc.), how to break any unhealthy food associations, and whether a person can mentally handle the life long change they're considering. No doubt, there's even more that I'm forgetting.
No word yet on how soon I can get into see the surgeon and begin all of this. The office is going to call me in the next couple days.
In my first paragraph, I said that I was scared about this. My fear is not enough to stop me from considering this procedure, but I think it is healthy to recognise what I'm worried about.
- I know people who have had the surgery and had great results, but I also know people who had complications, someone that gained the weight back, and a person who died from complications years later. There are risks with any surgery, but DAMN, that last one scares me quite a lot.
- I have a fear that I won't be able to handle to food restrictions after surgery. I really love ice cream. Really. <-- with this one, I think about it, but I know that I will follow through the best of my ability if I go so far as to have my stomach cut up and rerouted to lose weights.
- Everything I read says that this surgery is safe for the long term, but I still worry that I'm going to have trouble when I'm in my twilight years because of this. I've yet to hear about an elderly person who had gastric bypass.
- The idea of having my stomach Frankensteined freaks me out.
I do believe that the risks and my fears are outweighed (ha!) by the benefits. I don't think that the surgery is a cure-all. It's just a help that will make initial weight loss easier, by making my stomach very small, but the new stomach does stretch. Long term, I will have to continue to exercise and watch my diet.
With the goal of just being healthier, not necessarily "skinny", I'm committed and excited for what may come.
