I'm not losing weight lately. In fact, I've gained a pound. This is starting to irk me.
The problem is that, after I lost a few pounds, I started to obsess about food, thinking about it all the time.
Same thing happened around 2002, when I dropped 30 pounds without really trying. As soon as I realized that I had lost weight, then I started worrying about keeping it off and the foods I
should and shouldn't eat. If I'm thinking about it, then I want to eat it.
I'm not so sure how to get over this.
If I have WLS, I have to pay close attention to my food--far closer than I am now. Will that just make me gain more, making the WLS a huge waste of money and a totally unnecessary risk?
I do know that part of my current problem is that I'm off my anxiety/depression meds. I become more obsessive about things without the meds and I also get down on myself, which leads to
mood eating.
Bah! I wish weight loss wasn't such a psychological pain in my ass.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Holding Strong
I joined MFP on April 1st (the fool part was not doing it sooner) and weight prior to joining was 317 lbs. By April 16, I'd lost 5 lbs. At my weigh-in on May 2nd, I'd gained back 0.6 lbs, putting
at 312.6. I weighed myself tonight again and I'm still at 312.6.
I could be upset that, in two weeks, I haven't lost any weight, but I'm making a choice not to be. For someone of my pumpkin-like stature, holding steady/not gaining is a victory in itself. Don't
misunderstand me--I'm not thrilled, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Instead of being upset, I made better choices tonight about my food and beverages.
My honey, who is only slightly overweight, was looking at a BMI chart and said "man, if I ever hit 250 pounds, that's it. There will be some major changes There's no way I'll allow myself to go any higher than that." I did my best not to be hurt by that, since I'm 62 pounds over his limit.
He didn't realize that, to someone who is emotionally sensitive anyway and off her anxiety/depression medication, that what he said could be taken as "you were lazy and allowed this to happen. Your weight is beyond unacceptable." That's not what he said or
what he meant, but that's how my wacky brain wanted to take it. Thank goodness, on this occasion, logic won out over emotional irrationality.
I'm holding strong on my weight and I'm emotionally stronger than I thought I'd be in the situation with my honey. I'd say that's not a bad place to be for now.
at 312.6. I weighed myself tonight again and I'm still at 312.6.
I could be upset that, in two weeks, I haven't lost any weight, but I'm making a choice not to be. For someone of my pumpkin-like stature, holding steady/not gaining is a victory in itself. Don't
misunderstand me--I'm not thrilled, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Instead of being upset, I made better choices tonight about my food and beverages.
My honey, who is only slightly overweight, was looking at a BMI chart and said "man, if I ever hit 250 pounds, that's it. There will be some major changes There's no way I'll allow myself to go any higher than that." I did my best not to be hurt by that, since I'm 62 pounds over his limit.
He didn't realize that, to someone who is emotionally sensitive anyway and off her anxiety/depression medication, that what he said could be taken as "you were lazy and allowed this to happen. Your weight is beyond unacceptable." That's not what he said or
what he meant, but that's how my wacky brain wanted to take it. Thank goodness, on this occasion, logic won out over emotional irrationality.
I'm holding strong on my weight and I'm emotionally stronger than I thought I'd be in the situation with my honey. I'd say that's not a bad place to be for now.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
1st Nutritionist Visit
Today was my first visit with the nutritionist. One would think that would be an easy visit, but, damn, it wasn't. As someone who has been overweight my whole life, my food intake is a seriously sensitive subject. I admit I got a little emotional at one point. Just once thought, then I bucked up and we got through it. :)
She asked me to walk her through my meals on an average day. Pfft. Like I freakin' know. If there was any sort of "average", I'd probably be able to maintain my weight and not gain so much, but it fluxuates, just like the pounds on my thighs. Automatically, I started to give her my food intake from the last day I worked, which I know is much lower than days I have off (12 hour shifts in the E.R. do not leave much time for eating).
She was pretty happy to hear I was already keeping a food journal. She was planning on having me keep one, but she said to just continue with MFP and print them off for the next time I see her. That'll give me two to three weeks of days to bring in.
Next up, the psychologist! I'm seeing a psychologist after being off my crazy meds for several weeks. That ought to be fun (not even a little).
The psychologist will have me walk through my reasons for wanting the WL surgery, my known eating triggers, mental health history, and then set me up with the group therapy program that I have to complete. That whole visit will be one big emotional suck-fest, I figure, but, it has to be done and I will make it through.
She asked me to walk her through my meals on an average day. Pfft. Like I freakin' know. If there was any sort of "average", I'd probably be able to maintain my weight and not gain so much, but it fluxuates, just like the pounds on my thighs. Automatically, I started to give her my food intake from the last day I worked, which I know is much lower than days I have off (12 hour shifts in the E.R. do not leave much time for eating).
She was pretty happy to hear I was already keeping a food journal. She was planning on having me keep one, but she said to just continue with MFP and print them off for the next time I see her. That'll give me two to three weeks of days to bring in.
Next up, the psychologist! I'm seeing a psychologist after being off my crazy meds for several weeks. That ought to be fun (not even a little).
The psychologist will have me walk through my reasons for wanting the WL surgery, my known eating triggers, mental health history, and then set me up with the group therapy program that I have to complete. That whole visit will be one big emotional suck-fest, I figure, but, it has to be done and I will make it through.
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