My dad and I have been playing phone tag for the last couple weeks. I tried again today with no answer. Honestly, that was a relief, since I don't want to talk to him.
My parents never married and split when I was around 6 months old. He hasn't been around much. When I would visit him as a child, it was almost always at a bar. He'd drink (he's an alcoholic, sometimes recovering.) and I'd sit there bored, his version of quality time. We interact so little that he often forgets how old I really am--for example, he called my mom to arrange a child exchange when I was 21 years old.
Based on our relationship over the years, I'm not sure I want him to know about my surgery. This is a man not known for his tact, especially if he's been drinking. When I was about 10 years old, he actually said to me, "it's good that you got a little taller. For a while you were looking like a barrel." It's comments like that, that make me leery about him knowing that I had to have surgery to lose enough weight to be healthy.
Problem is, Dad is now friends with my mom's boyfriend (I don't understand it, since they hated each other for years, and I want it to stop, but no one is listening to me on the subject). Mom's boyfriend knows about the surgery. Hell, he even visited me in the hospital. The boyfriend and Dad hang out at a local VFW and shoot the breeze. Considering foreign wars, Mom, and me are their major things in common, I'd bet my surgery has come up.
His lack of involvement in my life should mean that his opinion means nothing to me, but that's not the case. Come on, who doesn't want approval from their Dad when it comes to a major decision? Even if you want to let it go, it's freakin' hard!
Dad hasn't met my fiance' yet, though we've been dating for five and a half years, which means I haven't seen dad in more than that (to me, dates are "BT"/Before Travis and "AT"/After Travis. lol). I'm sure once we finally finish this game of phone tag and talk, he'll want to get together. I reeeeeaaaally would like to put the in-person meeting off until the spring, when I've had more time to lose weight. It would make me feel better about seeing him, because it would make it easier for me to show that the surgery was worth it.
Really, I just need to grow a thicker skin when it comes to Dad and let what he says roll off. I need to be more confident in who I am, decisions I've made, and the things I've accomplished.
I know exactly how you feel, my father was the same way but I got to/still hear it all the time. :S But we can do this and are proving it to ourselves
ReplyDeleteThat's right, C! These men will never been happy, with themselves or anyone else. Any changes we make in ourselves should be for our benefit.
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