Here's what I am finding, at nearly 9 months post op: it's getting easier to eat and drink what I shouldn't, because it doesn't have the physical consequences as often (vomiting, feeling icky, etc.) .
Here's what I have decided to do about it: 1) eat what I should a vast majority of the time and eat what I shouldn't at a minimum; 2) if I am keeping to that philosophy, don't feel guilty when I do have things that may not be great for me.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
I have a tough life, I tell you: worked Monday, had three days off for fun and sun, I work tomorrow, and I have a three day weekend. I just don't know how I get through weeks like this.
On Tuesday, I headed to the Wisconsin Dells area. My aunt is an Avon rep and she had a conference at the Kalahari hotel that morning. Thanks to being a business owner, she gets a corporate discount on hotels, so my aunt, her son, his wife, their three kids (8, 5, and 3 yrs old), and I stayed overnight in a suite with three king beds and two bathrooms (beautiful large tubs!!). The hotel sported a conference center, indoor water park, outdoor water park, and an indoor theme park. HUGE.
We arrived in town around 9 AM. Auntie T headed to her conference and my cousins, their brood, and I hit the indoor water park. Wow, there were at least 8 big water slides, I know of five hot tubs, and at least three structures that had lots of slides and such for younger kids. We had a great time.
T's conference only lasted a couple hours. We met up with her around 1 or 2 PM and had lunch. For me, that was a little tough, because all of the food I brought was still in the car, as we couldn't check in until 4 PM. I ended up with a salad while everyone else had a huge cheesy pizza. Pizza was one of my favorite foods, so I was a bit envious.
Unfortunately, we had to sit around for a few hours waiting for our room to be ready. You could tell everyone was exhausted--a three hour road trip in the early AM and tons of running and playing in water will do that to kids and adults alike.
Finally, we were able to get into our room, get settled, and have a snack.
I think it was five when we all headed for the outdoor water park. My aunt and I took the kids on lots of water slides. I'd never been on one before, because I'd been too big and too self conscious. I'd been missing out! That was so much fun!
By the time we headed back to our room when the park closed at dusk, my calves were quite sore from running up stairs to slides and walking through water for hours.
We ate some more, I took a long, yummy bath in the deep tub, and most of us were in bed by 10:30 PM.
Next day, we got our stuff together, went for breakfast (food challenge #2, since most options were pancakes, french toast, hash browns, etc.). I had a fruit, yogurt, and granola parfait. We then loaded up the car, as our check out was at 11 AM, and headed back to the indoor water park for a while.
I think I was just too damn tired from all of the activity to enjoy the water as much as I had. In fact, I barely went in. I walked behind the littlest kid while he floated down a mini (1.0 ft deep) lazy river and then I went alone on the adult version. I did, however, have fun being with everyone. Just didn't have the energy for racing up steps and swimming with the kids. Plus, I was walking like an old woman, thanks to the calves I'd pulled the day before. :P
My aunt was the unofficial photographer on Wednesday and there are pictures of me in just my swimsuit. She's evil. She and the camera must be destroyed!!
We headed home around 3 PM, I believe. I slept most of the way. When we arrived back at my cousin's place, I was still barely awake when we unloaded their vehicle. In fact, I was so out of it, that I didn't notice I was stung in my arm by a bee for a minute. I'm allergic, but didn't react much.
I made it home in time to say adios to my honey who was heading off to work. That was nice, because he was still at work when I left on Tuesday morning.
I took Thursday (today) off of work, because I knew I'd still be exhausted. I was right. I'm also still trying to walk like a normal person with the pulled muscles in my legs.
I want to complain about the muscles, but, really, it's a good thing. That means I pushed my body further than it is use to. That is something I should try to achieve often.
On Tuesday, I headed to the Wisconsin Dells area. My aunt is an Avon rep and she had a conference at the Kalahari hotel that morning. Thanks to being a business owner, she gets a corporate discount on hotels, so my aunt, her son, his wife, their three kids (8, 5, and 3 yrs old), and I stayed overnight in a suite with three king beds and two bathrooms (beautiful large tubs!!). The hotel sported a conference center, indoor water park, outdoor water park, and an indoor theme park. HUGE.
We arrived in town around 9 AM. Auntie T headed to her conference and my cousins, their brood, and I hit the indoor water park. Wow, there were at least 8 big water slides, I know of five hot tubs, and at least three structures that had lots of slides and such for younger kids. We had a great time.
T's conference only lasted a couple hours. We met up with her around 1 or 2 PM and had lunch. For me, that was a little tough, because all of the food I brought was still in the car, as we couldn't check in until 4 PM. I ended up with a salad while everyone else had a huge cheesy pizza. Pizza was one of my favorite foods, so I was a bit envious.
Unfortunately, we had to sit around for a few hours waiting for our room to be ready. You could tell everyone was exhausted--a three hour road trip in the early AM and tons of running and playing in water will do that to kids and adults alike.
Finally, we were able to get into our room, get settled, and have a snack.
I think it was five when we all headed for the outdoor water park. My aunt and I took the kids on lots of water slides. I'd never been on one before, because I'd been too big and too self conscious. I'd been missing out! That was so much fun!
By the time we headed back to our room when the park closed at dusk, my calves were quite sore from running up stairs to slides and walking through water for hours.
We ate some more, I took a long, yummy bath in the deep tub, and most of us were in bed by 10:30 PM.
Next day, we got our stuff together, went for breakfast (food challenge #2, since most options were pancakes, french toast, hash browns, etc.). I had a fruit, yogurt, and granola parfait. We then loaded up the car, as our check out was at 11 AM, and headed back to the indoor water park for a while.
I think I was just too damn tired from all of the activity to enjoy the water as much as I had. In fact, I barely went in. I walked behind the littlest kid while he floated down a mini (1.0 ft deep) lazy river and then I went alone on the adult version. I did, however, have fun being with everyone. Just didn't have the energy for racing up steps and swimming with the kids. Plus, I was walking like an old woman, thanks to the calves I'd pulled the day before. :P
My aunt was the unofficial photographer on Wednesday and there are pictures of me in just my swimsuit. She's evil. She and the camera must be destroyed!!
We headed home around 3 PM, I believe. I slept most of the way. When we arrived back at my cousin's place, I was still barely awake when we unloaded their vehicle. In fact, I was so out of it, that I didn't notice I was stung in my arm by a bee for a minute. I'm allergic, but didn't react much.
I made it home in time to say adios to my honey who was heading off to work. That was nice, because he was still at work when I left on Tuesday morning.
I took Thursday (today) off of work, because I knew I'd still be exhausted. I was right. I'm also still trying to walk like a normal person with the pulled muscles in my legs.
I want to complain about the muscles, but, really, it's a good thing. That means I pushed my body further than it is use to. That is something I should try to achieve often.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
This coming Thursday, I get to experience the joy of my "yearly". Someone's going to clip a metal duck bill to my cervix. Fuuuuun!
Since I am eight and a half months out from surgery and the whole point of my surgery was to be able to have babies, I'm going to ask my doctor when I can go off my birth control--when will I be able to take in enough calories to sustain me and a baby. I eat 1000 calories a day at the moment.
That being said, I know a couple people who are pregnant and about the same distance from their surgery. They're doing fine, so I have hope that I can go off my Depo shot soon.
Since I am eight and a half months out from surgery and the whole point of my surgery was to be able to have babies, I'm going to ask my doctor when I can go off my birth control--when will I be able to take in enough calories to sustain me and a baby. I eat 1000 calories a day at the moment.
That being said, I know a couple people who are pregnant and about the same distance from their surgery. They're doing fine, so I have hope that I can go off my Depo shot soon.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
We've been dealing with some rough financial times, thanks to an expensive vet visit (Laelah had another UTI. Bah!) and my honey not being paid by Unemployment on three occasions this summer. But, sometimes a girl needs to go shopping anyway, especially when most of her clothes are too big...some of them are ridiculously so.
My mom wanted to hit Kmart today, to see if they had any decent sales, so we headed that way.
Kmart is in a strip mall with Fashion bug and I saw a sign at FB saying "Fit Right Jeans $14.99"! I damn near jumped out of the moving car. Earlier today, I was complaining that I had been too broke to take advantage of a 50% off Fashion Bug web sale last weekend. I like their jeans but I hate paying $35 for them. This was too perfect.
Of course, by the time I left, I spent $65, but that was on two awesome bras and two pair of jeans. Personally, I don't think that is bad at all. The exciting part was that I shopped in the missy section, instead of the plus size. :) That's a first.
Finally, we made our way over to Kmart, where I found a couple tanks. I also found some Joe Boxer panties that were sexy and cute. Again, bought in the missy section, NOT plus. Yaaaay!
Mom and I headed to her house to assess our hoard. I'd try something on, she'd say, "ooh, I should borrow that from you sometime", and I'd take it off and hand it to her to try on. That's when she said, "it's weird being able to wear each others clothes, isn't it?"
That stopped me for a minute and then I laughed. It's true! I haven't been small enough to share clothes with anyone as long as I can remember. It's a happy, new experience.
In summary, clothes are more fun when you have variety in your size
My mom wanted to hit Kmart today, to see if they had any decent sales, so we headed that way.
Kmart is in a strip mall with Fashion bug and I saw a sign at FB saying "Fit Right Jeans $14.99"! I damn near jumped out of the moving car. Earlier today, I was complaining that I had been too broke to take advantage of a 50% off Fashion Bug web sale last weekend. I like their jeans but I hate paying $35 for them. This was too perfect.
Of course, by the time I left, I spent $65, but that was on two awesome bras and two pair of jeans. Personally, I don't think that is bad at all. The exciting part was that I shopped in the missy section, instead of the plus size. :) That's a first.
Finally, we made our way over to Kmart, where I found a couple tanks. I also found some Joe Boxer panties that were sexy and cute. Again, bought in the missy section, NOT plus. Yaaaay!
Mom and I headed to her house to assess our hoard. I'd try something on, she'd say, "ooh, I should borrow that from you sometime", and I'd take it off and hand it to her to try on. That's when she said, "it's weird being able to wear each others clothes, isn't it?"
That stopped me for a minute and then I laughed. It's true! I haven't been small enough to share clothes with anyone as long as I can remember. It's a happy, new experience.
In summary, clothes are more fun when you have variety in your size
Monday, August 20, 2012
Guess what! I down 4.6 pounds since my last weigh in two weeks ago. That means I weigh 202.2 pounds. I am soooo close to being out of the two-hundreds!
I thought I would touch on something that most people will have to make a decision on at some point post-op...alcoholic beverages.
My surgery program discourages drinking alcoholic beverages for a few reasons.
Personally, I am far enough out that I mostly eat like a regular person (if I wanted, I could eat most any food, but in a small portion). I am at the point where my weight loss is becoming more and more due to my food and exercise choices. The leg-up/jump start from the surgery is fading fast and I am choosing to find a balance. I am learning to eat well, with the occasional SMALL indulgence. If I think I may want to have an extra 1/2 tablespoon of peanut butter on my sandwich or glass of wine in the evening, I account for that in my daily food intake. If I don't account for it, then I know there will be a consequence if my food intake/calories burned ratio is too out of balance.
As I mention above in point #2, I do get buzzed far more quickly. One glass of wine or one shot can make me intoxicated. I was a major light-weight before the surgery (alcohol-wise, anyway :P ) and I take a medication that lowers my alcohol tolerance. With a very strong family history of alcoholism, I keep a close eye on how much and how often I drink.
I don't think alcohol is the greatest thing ever and I don't think it's evil. As with our journey with food, all things in moderation and with mindfulness.
I thought I would touch on something that most people will have to make a decision on at some point post-op...alcoholic beverages.
My surgery program discourages drinking alcoholic beverages for a few reasons.
- With the smaller stomach post-op comes a much lowered alcohol tolerance. It is very easy to have just one drink and be hammered, even though it would have taken two or three times that (at least for me) to get to the same point before the surgery.
- With the increased ease of becoming intoxicated comes the increase risk of alcoholism. There are several people who have gone through our program and had to enter AA because of the alcohol addiction issues they developed post-operatively.
- Alcohol is a lot of sugar calories with no nutritional benefit. Post-op, we're suppose to take in calories only to nourish our bodies, not for the pleasure of it or the emotions--happy or sad--attached to a food or drink.
Personally, I am far enough out that I mostly eat like a regular person (if I wanted, I could eat most any food, but in a small portion). I am at the point where my weight loss is becoming more and more due to my food and exercise choices. The leg-up/jump start from the surgery is fading fast and I am choosing to find a balance. I am learning to eat well, with the occasional SMALL indulgence. If I think I may want to have an extra 1/2 tablespoon of peanut butter on my sandwich or glass of wine in the evening, I account for that in my daily food intake. If I don't account for it, then I know there will be a consequence if my food intake/calories burned ratio is too out of balance.
As I mention above in point #2, I do get buzzed far more quickly. One glass of wine or one shot can make me intoxicated. I was a major light-weight before the surgery (alcohol-wise, anyway :P ) and I take a medication that lowers my alcohol tolerance. With a very strong family history of alcoholism, I keep a close eye on how much and how often I drink.
I don't think alcohol is the greatest thing ever and I don't think it's evil. As with our journey with food, all things in moderation and with mindfulness.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Been quiet for a while. As I get further and further away from my surgery, I'm finding life to be returning to normal. Fewer "firsts" to experience.
That being said, I had one today. . .
Travis and I are house/dog sitting for his parents. They live on about an acre of land, with neighbors not too far away, separated by a row of trees that don't fully block people from seeing into each others yards.
They have a pool and I LOVE to swim. Forgetting my swimsuit was stupid but I desperately wanted to swim, so I threw on a sports bra, a pair of panties, and a tee shirt and headed out back to the pool. I figured no one would know that I didn't have a real swimsuit on anyway.
I found out very quickly that cool August nights has an unhappy affect on pool water. I was in up to my chest and couldn't handle how cold it was. I got out after about five minutes, but I was really enjoying the wonderful sunshine and didn't want to head in. Sunbathing sounded yummy.
Standing in the yard, I looked around and didn't see any of the neighbors. It made me brave. So, I whipped off my tee shirt and laid in the sun in just my panties and bra. I can honestly say that I have NEVER done that before. Never, ever.
No, I wasn't 100% comfortable with having my thighs and stomach exposed if someone were to see me, but I also felt like, "what the hell? Who cares? If someone sees and doesn't like the view, I guess they should turn away then." The longer I laid out there, the less I cared. Two hours later, I was still super pale (I suspect that by body rejects UVs after so many years of not getting any) but very relaxed.
I have no plans of running around like that again, but it was an interesting experience. Something I certainly wouldn't have done at my highest weight.
Edited to add: I do have some sunburn on my stomach. I'm so surprised and amused! Seriously, my body usually rejects and reflects UVs and I'm left just as pale as before the sun exposure. The burn isn't bad at all and I guess I should have expected some because I don't think my stomach has ever seen sunlight before.
That being said, I had one today. . .
Travis and I are house/dog sitting for his parents. They live on about an acre of land, with neighbors not too far away, separated by a row of trees that don't fully block people from seeing into each others yards.
They have a pool and I LOVE to swim. Forgetting my swimsuit was stupid but I desperately wanted to swim, so I threw on a sports bra, a pair of panties, and a tee shirt and headed out back to the pool. I figured no one would know that I didn't have a real swimsuit on anyway.
I found out very quickly that cool August nights has an unhappy affect on pool water. I was in up to my chest and couldn't handle how cold it was. I got out after about five minutes, but I was really enjoying the wonderful sunshine and didn't want to head in. Sunbathing sounded yummy.
Standing in the yard, I looked around and didn't see any of the neighbors. It made me brave. So, I whipped off my tee shirt and laid in the sun in just my panties and bra. I can honestly say that I have NEVER done that before. Never, ever.
No, I wasn't 100% comfortable with having my thighs and stomach exposed if someone were to see me, but I also felt like, "what the hell? Who cares? If someone sees and doesn't like the view, I guess they should turn away then." The longer I laid out there, the less I cared. Two hours later, I was still super pale (I suspect that by body rejects UVs after so many years of not getting any) but very relaxed.
I have no plans of running around like that again, but it was an interesting experience. Something I certainly wouldn't have done at my highest weight.
Edited to add: I do have some sunburn on my stomach. I'm so surprised and amused! Seriously, my body usually rejects and reflects UVs and I'm left just as pale as before the sun exposure. The burn isn't bad at all and I guess I should have expected some because I don't think my stomach has ever seen sunlight before.
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