Plateau?

For people losing weight the more traditional method, this post may seem like a ridiculous whine and I should just be happy with what I got. Well, I'm not!

I lost about a pound a day, thanks to my surgery and my food choices. That's 7 lbs a week. This week (last Monday to today), I lost a little less than 2.5 lbs. I know my weight loss will slow down eventually, but I'm only a month and a half out of the O.R.!

This has sent me into a bit of a panic. I didn't go through that expensive, invasive surgery to help me lose 35 freakin' pounds. I wanted help losing 150 pounds!

I'm trying to remind myself that part of this could be water weight (my cycle is sooo messed up that it could be nearing TOM and I have no idea) or it could just be an off week. Something occurring once (in this case, a slow loss) is not a pattern and therefore no reason to freak out.--unfortunately, my anxiety laughs at my attempt at logic.


ETA (2/4/12 @ 6:21 PM CST): Per the great advice of some other post-op patients on My Fitness Pal, I decided to relax and not worry about the lack of weight loss. My body was probably holding onto the weight because, A) it's in panic after a month and a half of eating so small; and B) because I was stressing so much over the weight.

After I hit the gym and jogged in the water for a long time, which is weirdly relaxing, and just having a good day yesterday, I woke up today to 2 less pounds. Talk about quick turn around! lol.

An adventure in trying new foods

Trying a new food today--Arnold's Sandwhich Thins. I can't have bread (too sticky), but I can have toast right now. I haven't had toast yet. A regular sized piece seems like a whole lot of food to me at the moment, so I opted for half a sandwhich thin, toasted.

I cut it in half after toasting, flopped on two pieces of Oscar Meyer Cajun Chicken lunch meat, a sprinkle of mozzarella, and a very small smear of Kraft Lite Mayo and dijon mustard. I made a little sammich with 9 grams of protein and it was yummy!

Now, we wait. Will the expanding toast make me fell yacky? Right now, ten minutes after finishing, I feel fine, but only time will tell. I hope it doesn't bother me.

This is, of course, why the nutritionist and surgeon both say to try new foods at home, not out in public. If my system can't yet tolerate the new food, things good get painful and all vomity. That, as I learned with the Driveway Incident, can be embarassing.

Edited to add: It's been an hour and a half without issues. Yay!!

Recipes: Fix my food boredom?

I'm pretty excited to find recipes that I can actually have now, because I'm getting rather bored with Hormel Turkey Chili, turkey burgers, and tuna salad.

I've been printing out recipes from the blogs I mention previously and some from Food.com that are within my food restrictions and that sound good. I put those recipes in plastic slip sheets inside a binder. I'm 32 and have my first cookbook!

I'm excited about this, since part of this new journey is learning to be responsible for what I put in my body. Mostly, that means being the person who prepares it. That's new for me.

Wednesday mash up

This is a long, rambling post, filled with seemingly unrelated topics. That's just how I roll. Enjoy...

It's a little weird learning to plan meals for Travis and me. Right now, for the most part, we don't eat together. Occasionally, we'll have omelets together, but that's rare. Generally, our diets are just too different. However, I found some chicken breasts and two packets of stir fry veggies in the freezer. I'm thinking that, tomorrow night, we are going to try a real meal together!

The tricky part is that I'm unsure how I'll do with soy sauce. I would think I'm okay, because I've not been given any restrictions on sodium. *shrug* I'll try it. If it makes me nauseated or go all Poltergeist, we'll call it a lesson learned.

Edited to add: Dinner sucked. The two packs of veggies had apparently been in the freezer since the dawn of time and tasted bad when cooked. I was very disappointed.

The other day, I mentioned a blog named The World According to Eggface. Well, Bariatric Foodie is another great blog for getting recipes and advice. I've spent hours scouring through it and there's just so much info and so many things to try. She has these great "WLS Survival Guides" too, that give advice for situations like holiday parties, buffet eating, etc.

Several of the recipes, I'm pretty sure I can make and fool Travis into eating them. I bet he won't even know the difference between the "real" and the modified foods.

Tonight, I wore one of my new, smaller scrub tops. Do you know what most people have been commenting on at work? The fact that I left my hair down! WTH? I wear clothes that make me look 10-15 lbs lighter, instead of one of the sacks I've been wearing, and no one can get past the hair. Makes me almost feel like having Allheart bounce my checking account, neting me $60 in NSFs when they double billed me for my scrubs, wasn't worth it. :P

Thankfully, some people did notice. I even got a "lookin' good, Robyn!"

Foamy heartburn gone forever? I hope!

I'm looking back at the blog and also trying to remember if I've had the foamy, feel-awfulness recently. As far as I can tell, it's been about a week and a half. I call that progress!

Sometimes, I do feel overfull, but I blame that on how I drink. I must be somewhat dehydrated most of the time, because, when I do get liquids, I want to gulp them. That's bad. No gulp! This means I need to increase my fluid intake. It's so damn hard to do, though! I've tried. Ah well, we do what we have to do.

New work clothes with pics

My new scrubs tops must be part python--they tried to constrict the air right out of my lungs. May have to wait a few weeks to wear them, since they're too small yet. :/

They're 100% cotton. Can't wait until I forget and throw them in the dryer (drier?)!

ETA: So, I decided (with bed-head) to take a look at the difference between the new scrub tops and what I'd worn to work the night before. I'm beginning to really see why my coworkers urged me to get something that fit better...

Updating my work clothes

I was wearing a tank top this morning when I walked past my bathroom mirror and did a double take--I was actually taken aback by how much my body is shrinking. I especially noticed my arms and shoulders seem smaller. Embarrassingly, this has happened several times lately.

I think I just have an idea of what I should look like and I'm having trouble aligning that with how I really look. That'll come with time, I guess.

My coworkers badgered me into buying a few smaller scrub tops, because the ones I have are way too big. Once they arrive, it'll be nice to have my work clothes reflect my body now, instead of my body 30 pounds ago.

Since I ordered the new scrub tops, I decided to weed through my existing scrubs and load up the ones that are too big into a bin for sale this summer in our thrift sale. Uh, that bin is overflowing already. Not only did I go through my work clothes, but I hit my closet and dresser. I may not have successfully got rid of all of my bigger clothes, but I did a darn good job.

Eggface recipes

The woman who writes "The World According to Eggface" (a blog) is amazing. She had the same surgery I had, though in 2006. She also loves to cook and she has a blog with many Weight Loss Surgery friendly recipes.

Some of the recipes, I can actually eat now, even though I'm limited on my foods a little. Others, I can dream about making in a couple months. For example...

theworldaccordingtoeggface: Strawberry Cannoli

The great thing about finding recipes is that I can plug them into http://www.myfitnesspal.com and find out how many calories, carbs, protein, etc., is in something. I'm not left to guess and assume that I can't eat something.

Good bodies

1st Nutritionist Appt/New food plan

Went to see my Nutritionist for the first time since my surgery. She advanced my diet a bit, which I'm both happy about and nervous.

Instead of primarily protein, at the expense of veggies. It was easy to deal with 3 oz of protein, because I could just make something, weigh it, and flop it into a container. Easy-peasy.

Now, I have to plan out three parts of each meal--1 oz protein, 1/4 cup veggies, and 2 tbsp starch. Meh. Complicated.

Also, how the hell do I get enough protein eating the new way? Hmmm? I am required to get 50-60 grams of protein a day, to make sure that, as I lose weight, my body gets rid of fat, not lean muscle.

As I was eating, I'd sometimes get 70 grams, but mostly pretty close to 60. Cutting my protein down by 2/3 each meal is going to make a dent in my protein intake. I can't use a real protein shake (I use Carnation Instant Breakfast) because, when I tried one a couple weeks ago, it made me sick. So, I'm not getting as much as I could from a shake to balance the reduction in food based protein.

I'm sure it'll work out. Just takes some time to learn what and how to do things. I'm not a fan of change, but life is full of it and I'm learning to roll with what's thrown at me.

I might be a liiiiittle sensitive

Men just don't understand female hormones or they'd be far more afraid to speak.

Today, Travis said, "you're going to need to get some new clothes soon. You look ridiculous."

WTF? I took time to blow dry my hair and fix it. I'm wearing jeans instead of my usual jogging pants and the shirt I'm wearing isn't one of his hated hooded sweatshirts. Give a girl some credit, @$&%er!

I looked at him and said, "I look ridiculous?!" I'm pretty sure there were daggers coming out of my eyes too.

He explained, with far less remorse for the confusion than he should have, that he meant my clothes are just too big now. I have "no shape", to use his words, which were also fighting words in my opinion.

The man just is too much of a straight shooter--too blunt--for his own good, which I've come to realize that Testosterone is to blame. Most men have no idea that they could avoid so many arguments and misunderstandings if they'd just soften their words a little. They're not trying to be mean (Travis would never intentionally say anything to hurt my feelings. I KNOW this.), there's just no warning bell that goes off in their brains before potentially bad words pass their lips.

I've had cramps for three weeks and now have a light period. The man could get himself wounded throwing around things like, "you look ridiculous" and "you have no shape." Foolish penis-bearer.

My uterus is The Hulk

I get a Depo shot every three months. The purpose is that I should not get pregnant for at least a year and a half after my surgery. Until then, what I can eat is not enough to sustain me AND a growing baby.

One of the positive side effects, especially for someone like me who has a uterus with a mind of its own, is that the shot should keep away visits from Evil Aunt Flo. God, how I wish that were true.

I had my second shot on January 6th. Since before then, I've been spotting and now I'm up to light Evil Aunt Flo. Add nasty cramps to this and I'm sort of miserable.

No, this isn't the worst that I've ever dealt with. I had a heavy period for three months at one point. I had an ovarian cyst too, that left me cramps that doubled me over every five minutes. That lasted nearly a month. Even with this not being comparatively horrible, I'm kind of whiny about it because it shouldn't be happening! I should be Aunt Flo free, damn it!

Part of the problem is that I'm losing weight so fast, releasing a bunch of estrogen from my fat cells. My body is flooded with the hormone, sending my cycle into a tail spin.

Even with the estrogen flooding/fast weight loss, I hope this resolves itself soon. My uterus is the frickin' Hulk and I don't like it when it's angry.

A whine and a cheer

Whine: I've been told by multiple people that I need to get smaller scrubs for work. Suppose I'll have to shell out the cash soon. Meh, I'm a cheap-ass.

Cheer: I was tapping my fingers on my desk and realized that I could actually see the muscles move in my forearm. Whoa. Who knew I had muscle anywhere?!

Pills, sex, vomiting: Oh my!

So, Travis and I were cuddling, getting near to some "happy, fun couple-time" and, suddenly, I had to get up, run to the bathroom, and vomit. After brushing my teeth, I headed back to the bedroom and said, "if I have to do that again, it's not a comment on you!" He laughed.

The problem seems to be with my anti-anxiety pill. I have to bust it in half to take it. When I take the split pill, it seems to become foamy in my stomach. Don't know if it's because it is split or what. The foamy feeling happens other times too, but it commonly happens after I take my pill. :/

I'm part fish

Went for my first swim. Sooo nice.

Swimming laps and such made my knee hurt and it would snap occassionally. So, I gave up quickly and found alternative activities to keep me moving. I spent a half hour stretching in the shallow end while the water aerobics class finished and then I spent another half hour treading water and running in place.

Both the treading and the running allowed me to close my eyes and enjoy. Would have been perfect if I had a water proof MP3 player. Oh, dare to dream.

Eating little isn't easy

A week or so ago, I said that I feel like I'm cheating, because I don't feel hungry very often. Now, on the flip side, it does feel good when someone sees what I eat--the small amounts--and says, "I don't think I'd have the restraint to stop there." That is a comment on what I'm actually doing, which is keeping good control on what I eat and how much.

Yes, my body does have a "reminder" if I do screw up (vomiting and pain), but I haven't triggered it in a while. When I have cravings, I ride them out, knowing that I usually only obsess about a food for about 20 minutes. After that, I'm good again. I do not eat more than 3.10 oz at a meal. I'm not letting my moods dictate what and how much I eat.

I'm making changes and sticking with the new behaviors. That is something to be proud of.

Avoiding my tactless Dad

My dad and I have been playing phone tag for the last couple weeks. I tried again today with no answer. Honestly, that was a relief, since I don't want to talk to him.

My parents never married and split when I was around 6 months old. He hasn't been around much. When I would visit him as a child, it was almost always at a bar. He'd drink (he's an alcoholic, sometimes recovering.) and I'd sit there bored, his version of quality time. We interact so little that he often forgets how old I really am--for example, he called my mom to arrange a child exchange when I was 21 years old.

Based on our relationship over the years, I'm not sure I want him to know about my surgery. This is a man not known for his tact, especially if he's been drinking. When I was about 10 years old, he actually said to me, "it's good that you got a little taller. For a while you were looking like a barrel." It's comments like that, that make me leery about him knowing that I had to have surgery to lose enough weight to be healthy.

Problem is, Dad is now friends with my mom's boyfriend (I don't understand it, since they hated each other for years, and I want it to stop, but no one is listening to me on the subject). Mom's boyfriend knows about the surgery. Hell, he even visited me in the hospital. The boyfriend and Dad hang out at a local VFW and shoot the breeze. Considering foreign wars, Mom, and me are their major things in common, I'd bet my surgery has come up.

His lack of involvement in my life should mean that his opinion means nothing to me, but that's not the case. Come on, who doesn't want approval from their Dad when it comes to a major decision? Even if you want to let it go, it's freakin' hard!

Dad hasn't met my fiance' yet, though we've been dating for five and a half years, which means I haven't seen dad in more than that (to me, dates are "BT"/Before Travis and "AT"/After Travis. lol). I'm sure once we finally finish this game of phone tag and talk, he'll want to get together. I reeeeeaaaally would like to put the in-person meeting off until the spring, when I've had more time to lose weight. It would make me feel better about seeing him, because it would make it easier for me to show that the surgery was worth it.

Really, I just need to grow a thicker skin when it comes to Dad and let what he says roll off. I need to be more confident in who I am, decisions I've made, and the things I've accomplished.

Shirts and a shrinking stomach

I just tucked in my shirt and it didn't make me hate myself or scream, "I look like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka!" :D A shrinking stomach rocks.

Burgers: Food from Heaven

I just had my first burger. It was three ounces of Heaven! lol

I had 2.8 oz ground turkey with a little oil mixed in to keep it moist**, onions, and seasonings. I threw it on my Cuisinart Griddler for about three minutes. Then, I topped it with a small amount of mozzarella cheese, ketchup and mustard. So good...and normal!

Sometimes I struggle with feeling like I'll never get to eat "normal" food again. Right now, I have to plan everything out and weigh it. Some things have to be modified so my body can process it without making me feel ill. This burger felt normal. :)

**turkey burger turns to particle board when it gets dry.

Being back at work

I went two days without posting. Woohoo, look at me and my restraint!


I've worked the last two days and haven't had foam/heartburn/stomach ache issues. Wonder what the difference is between work and home. I'll have to keep an eye on that. If I can figure out what I do differently, maybe--just freakin' maybe--I can stop feeling bad so often.


This is my second week back at work and it's still leaving me exhausted. There's several possible reasons for that and I figure it's a combo. 1. My thyroid is off (it really is. I've been bad with my pills). 2. I'm losing weight very fast and that can wear on the body. 3. Estrogen is held in fat cells. I'm shedding fat like nobody's business and the excess estrogen is making me PMSy, which includes exhausted.

Even with the issues of stomach aches and exhaustion, I'm still glad I had the surgery. This stuff is part of healing and getting use to my new way life. Other people who have had the surgery tell me the stomach issues will resolve. The exhaustion, well let's hope that eases up.

Ambition and swimsuits

I hate walking on a treadmill or outside. Too little stimulation visually to keep me from thinking about how bored I am and how much I hate walking.

With that in mind, I find it odd that I am considering raising money and walking in AIDS Walk Wisconsin in October of this year. It's a 5 K walk. That's what? Little over three miles? Considering that, by then, I should be down about 100 lbs, I think I'll be fine.

I walked AWW in 1999/2000. It wasn't easy for me, but I finished! This year, I'll be lighter than I was at that time.

I'll walk with team, so it's not like I won't have things to distract me from all that walking around the Wisconsin Summer Fest grounds. Plus, I'll have my nifty little iPod (I found the missing charger!). I'll also have nine months to train myself to walk that far, which for normal people isn't that far really. No need for an NFL training camp or anything, just get my ass moving.

Gosh, this physical ambition stuff is new. Not sure how to handle it. :p


Oh, I bought a new swimsuit today! It's a cheap $15 thing from Wal-Mart, but I'm excited. It's a little smaller than my old one AND both of my breasts will stay in it, as it has a high neck. No more nearly flashing the old dudes who swim the same time I do.

My old suit was flattering and I loved it, but keeping my boobs in it was a problem. It wasn't designed for swimming laps or water walking.

The new one will arrive (bought online) within a day or two of me being able to swim again post-op. The doc restricted my swimming for a month. I love to swim, so I'm very excited to get back at.

The foam returns!

Once again, I'm experiencing what is sort of like heart burn, but with foam. I have foamy saliva/stomach acids working their way up my throat.

I get this often. My surgeon will say it means I am eating too much. I say, then why do I get it when I drink over an hour after I eat?!

I bet, when I tell him, the surgeon will put me back on pureed foods--or at least more of my foods will need to be pureed for a while. I'm obviously not able to process my foods and get them into my intestines as fast as I should, so, then, I unintentionally put water/fluids on top of the unprocessed food in my tiny stomach. <--my theory anyway.

This is not the worst thing I could feel generally (some days, it is awful!), but it can lead to vomiting and being uncomfortable for hours.

Oh, and FYI, I have major menstrual cramps. I'm having a bad day with that and it makes me all kinds of whiny. So, let me just say, "I hate my body today!" *deep breath in* *deep breath out*

So, right now, I'm not as positive as I normally am. Mostly, it's because I am tired of feeling icky, yucky, yacky, and all those other colorful worlds I've used in the last couple weeks to descibe the above symptoms. Plus, I'm tired and I haven't got my anxiety and thyroid meds in as often as required by my body and my doctor. Leaves me with no energy and easily upset.

Parched

I'm having water issues--I'm not getting enough. I sleep funny, random hours, which takes away from my drinking time, and I have to wait an hour after each meal to drink anything.

The Nutritionist recommends a half hour of no fluids after each meal, but that's just not enough time for me. If I drink before a full hour is up, I usually feel overstuffed (it's a nasty feeling that lasts several hours). I must need more time to process my food than her average patient.

I just ate a little while ago and I'm very thirsty. I want to down a bunch of water right now, but I have to wait until my hour is up. When I can drink again, I cannot drink any faster than normal, which is sips, or risk filling up my stomach too quickly. That would give me the same feeling as when I drink too close to a meal.

Dehydration is a real concern. It messes with the body's ability to function on a very basic level and it will cause nausea, making it even harder to get in the necessary protein. It's just so hard to be focused on water, protein, meal planning, calculating wait times between meals/water, do house work, go to my job, etc., etc. all the damn time. I've been picking my battles as they roll around, but that may not be an option. Just have to suck it up and do it all.

Only 15 more minutes until I can drink something. Until then, I will just sit here and smack my lips like an old lady who is missing her dentures.

I'm an oversharer: let's chat about my underwear

I tend to over share. Sorry you weren't warned before...

My underwear are falling off my butt. Guess that's a good thing, but I do kind of like it when they stay up, especially when I am wearing a dress or in my nightshirt.

Food envy

I'm suffering from food envy--I want a cheeseburger, Mountain Dew, chocolate, spaghetti, buttered bread, a salad, and at least twelve other things. I blame my birth control shot that I received today. That seems to be the pattern when I get it. Normally, I can indulge within reason. Not so much now.

I'm also PMSing, so I'm really quite whiny about how I feel physically and emotionally and regarding all of these cravings. My whines are mostly of the "I'm so freakin' tired of tuna and fish for protein!" and I'm missing carbs/bread like nothing else.

So, I'm trying something new. I doubt it's Nutritionist approved for this point in my recovery, but it's either try this or gorge on chocolate. ...

I opted to buy very small tortillas, turkey and chicken lunch meat, and Laughing Cow lite herb and garlic cheese. I can make a small grilled "sandwich" with one tortilla, a serving of lunch meat, and one half of a LC cheese wedge for 10 grms of protein and 3 oz of food.

Even though I made a poor man's panini, the tortilla is still pretty soft. I'm hoping the carbs will be tolerated by my system and I can do this again if need be. Time will tell.

If I don't have a repeat of the driveway incident, I have fat free sour cream and mild taco sauce to change up the flavor.


ETA (5:18 AM): I want a repeat of the driveway incident! <--- Just as I completed writing my previous sentence, I had to run the bathroom to (sorry!) vomit. My wish was granted!

I'm generally anti-vomiting. Years of migraines that gave me motion-sickness-like symptoms has made me a huge baby about this kind of thing, but I was feeling awful. Still am, just not as full/over full/blah.

Absolutely no more tortillas (or laughing cow cheese, but, for now, I'll assume it was the tortilla) for a while. I'm swearing them off!

I'm wearing jeans! / bored with food

Tonight, I'm wearing jeans! It's my first time since my surgery, 22 days ago. Luckily, they're too big now, so the waist won't bother my healing incisions.

Who would have thought that one would have such a need to wear something. I searched and searched for my jeans so I could wear them. Tired of feeling slobbish in my various jogging pants, I guess. I'm no fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, but I can only handle so many days of looking like a stereotypical Walmart customer.

I'm finding I am getting bored with my food already. Decided to find a "real" protein shake, instead of my Carnation Instant Breakfast, so I get more protein through the shake, allowing me more choices in my food. One can only eat so much baked fish, tuna, and turkey. I now hate tuna and baked fish is beginning to make its way up my "please, don't make me eat that again!" food list.

Alrighty, I'm off to play BINGO with my mom and half the geriatric population of my town. Happy Friday!

Did I cheat having surgery?

I've lost 0.7 lbs since yesterday at this time. Whoa. This-THIS-is why I had to delay my wedding. Okay, that wasn't the only reason for the delay, but a valid part of it. How does one get a dress fitted when things change so much from day to day?!

My engagement ring doesn't even fit anymore. It slips right off.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Here's the truth: I feel like I'm cheating. Cheating has never been something I am/was comfortable with, so this is bothering me quite a bit.

People tell me I'm doing a good job or that they can really tell I'm working hard. Problem is, I don't feel that way. It's hard for me to take the compliment when I feel like my surgery is doing all the work and I'm benefiting.

I know, on an intellectual level, that I am working hard too. It would be easy to disregard what the nutritionist and the surgeon have told me and eat all the yummy, but not good for me stuff that I want. I could eat more than recommended, until I'm emotionally sated, because my system is set up to not absorb most of it, allowing me the benefit of weight loss and the ability to eat mostly what I want. I'm not doing any of that though.

I'm being conscious of everything I put in my body and about its benefit--carefully weighing portions and choosing items that are high in protein and low in fat and sugar. All this planning, weighing, food diaries are work; lots of work. Even with all that, the 22 lb weight loss in a couple weeks still seems too easy and I feel like a fraud or a cheat.

Guess that's something to throw at the shrink, huh?

Vitamins don't sit well

My chewable multivitamins still make me feel icky, but I'm trying to be a good girl and add them to my food regimine. Ugh. I also need to add 3 (three!) calciums and a b12. Can't wait until my system is use to this. The first 2o minutes after I have the pills are an unhappy time.

The crazy part is that my nutritionist wants me to have both multivitamins and a calcium with breakfast. Just the sound of that makes me want to hurl. Plus, there will be no room left for the food necessary for my body to process those pills. Crazy lady.

Feed me, Seymore!

Today, I kept feeling hungry. I don't know if that means I've stretched out my stomach so that it feels it needs more than I am suppose to give it at this point or what. I'll just stick with my 3 oz per meal and hope the feeling subsides.

What may help is that I'm going back to work today, so life will really start to have a routine again. I'll be able to say, I have meals at A, B, and C times, with snacks at D and E. Right now, I forget and suddenly it's been 6 or so hours between meals with no snacks, leaving me to have to get quite a bit of protein in my system (which translates into a bunch of food) before bedtime. This is a good part of why I have days where I don't feel good--because I have to rush the food in. Sometimes, I've barely begun to process one meal when I'm filling up my stomach with a shake or another meal.