After mentioning to coworkers my Biggest Loser walking DVD experience, where I was only able to make it only 7 minutes on my first try last year, I broke it out tonight. I couldn't make it through 2 miles, but I did make it to 1.5 miles. That was about 20 minutes (maybe less).

Normally, I can walk two or three miles, no problem, but that DVD is more of a light aerobics/cardio video than just walking. A weak back and lazy butt make cardio tough.

The funny thing is that I jogged in the water for an hour straight the other day, but could only manage 20 minutes on this DVD. No wonder Dr. Peopleskills wanted me to do more exercise out of the water.

Maybe I'll tackle the DVD again on Thursday.

Tomorrow, I have a date with the pool for some jogging at 1 PM (getting done with work at noon is wonderful!) and I'm thinking of trying cardio drums at the gym on Wednesday. Not sure how cardio drums will go over with my back, but I'm up for trying!

Sometimes, when I eat a bit too much or something that my stomach isn't a big fan of, I get a feeling in my stomach a little later. It feels like hunger. I know I am not hungry. I had enough protein to be good an hour later, but that's what my brain interprets the feeling as and says, quite loudly, "gimme!" I can't explain it. I start thinking, just as loudly, "LA LA LA LA LA, I can't hear yooou!"

In the end, I am, in fact, arguing with myself. This leaves me wondering what's better: 1) overweight and sane 2) healthier and batshit crazy? Only time will tell.

To put an official close on my first year post-op, let's do some comparison pics:

100 lbs and a year later:



When I met my honey, I weighed 265 lbs. Now, I'm abut 65lbs lighter, nearly seven years later:

Happy (belated) one-year surgiversary to me!!

On December 15, 2012, I reached the one year mark. It seemed to take forever and yet not long at all.

Besides damage to my knees from years of so much weight and my back, due to a birth defect, I feel fantastic. I am still amazed by how great I feel and how much easier life is physically. Even the pain I still have is far less often than it was a year or two years ago.

On other health fronts, per my one year post-op appointment with my Internist, I have fantastic cholesterol. Most of my other labs are great. The exception being somewhat low iron and very low vitamin D. Those are both my fault, as I quit my vitamins/calcium pills. I have started with those again, so both will come back into line very soon.

Also, my eczema has nearly resolved itself and I rarely need my asthma meds.

You may wonder how my eczema is related to weight. Eczema is an autoimmune issue. My body was so stressed over the weight that it started to attack itself. I had it very bad in my hairline and some on my eyelid and hand. Now, I have a bit on my neck, but I believe part of the reason it has reemerged there is the dry skin brought on by dry winter weather.

Some knee pain and a little neck itch is a vast improvement. I am quite happy with life and how things are going. Life is good and always getting better.

I have had my first real complication from my surgery. I had/have a partial bowel obstruction. I have to say, it is extremely painful and miserable.

Yesterday morning, I had part of a sandwich around 10:30 AM. A few minutes afterward, I started to feel very full of air in my abdomen. The feeling continued over the next half hour to became pain through out the front, center are of my abdomen ("stomach" would be incorrect, as the pain was not in the high area of my abdomen where my new little stomach resides), which would spike when I moved wrong, pressed on my abdomen, or compressed my abdomen (sitting in an office chair). I was also weak, shaking, and somewhat nauseated, though I believe that was a reaction to the pain, not illness.

Luckily, I was done with work at noon, so I rode out the feeling through the end of my workday. I, then, headed home, hitting Walmart on the way to buy some Gas-X in the hope that was the problem. No such luck, I decided an hour after swallowing the little capsule.

The thing about Frankensteinees is that they are at a greater risk for gallbladder issues early on and then bowel obstructions forever. I am a worrier, so I was very concerned, but I also worked in an emergency room for years and have seen people come in for the silliest things. I had visions of going to the ER only to find that it really was just gas.

I suffered until 5 PM, when my mom talked me into calling the after hours clinic to see if they could get me in. They did. I was at their office at 5:30.

Two hours later, I left, after two visits with the doc, four x rays, multiple tubes of blood drawn, and a partial bowel obstruction diagnosis. Because I was not vomiting and my pain had lessened somewhat, the doc gave me the option to go home for the time being and do not eat solid food, because the obstruction could resolve itself. I was given strict order to head to the ER immediately if the water I was allowed to drink made me vomit or if the pain increased again.

Normally, they wouldn't even suggest the water, because, if the obstruction were complete, it would put more material in an unmoving stomach. However, my urine sample showed I am somewhat dehydrated. If it didn't make me sick, it was important that I slowly take in some fluids.

So, I went home. I texted my Lead at work to let her know that, if I did head to the ER, I wouldn't be into work on Wednesday. I headed to bed at 8 PM, hoping sleep would give me some relief. It didn't come quickly.

I ended up with about six hours of sleep. Not enough for me normally and certainly not enough for me after such a physically stressful day, but we do what we can. I got up, got ready, and went to work.

I still didn't feel good this morning. I had some pain, though the severe stuff had let up. Mostly, I felt/feel very bruised in my abdomen from all of the pressure. I still had some spikes of pain, but nothing like yesterday. Mostly, I was exhausted and unfocused, which was exacerbated by the fact that I wasn't drinking any coffee or taking in any food.

I was afraid to eat or drink anything beyond water. The last time I ate, yesterday morning, it seem to bring on that pain. I didn't want that again! I laid off the coffee, because I figured adding an acidic stimulant to an irritated gastric system just seem foolish.

By 10 AM, I was starving. It was pushing 24 hours since my meal. Then, my coworker came in with her freshly heated pop tart. I broke and had a small spoonful of peanut butter. A half hour later, when I decided that was staying down just fine, I ran to the store and bought a cup of soup. That stayed down too!

So, my obstruction seems to have resolved itself, like the doc and I hoped. I'm cautiously hopeful this little adventure is over. Very cautiously.

Oh, since I just finished talking about bowel problems, I'm going to continue on the path of TMI. You are so welcome!

Thanks to the cleaning cloths from prior to the urine sample I gave, I am now starting my 2nd yeast infection ever. Woo-frickin'-hoo.

Okay, I waited 31 years for the first and then two more years for the 2nd, so I probably shouldn't complain, but...I am. I have bruised stomach pain, a headache from not eating for a day, and, now, some "downstairs" pain (and more). I have to say, this is not my favorite week.

On the bright side, thanks to surgery, diet, exercise, and not eating because of pain, I am now down a total of 121.5 lbs. :) I weight 195.6 lbs.

Another "first" today: Travis picked me up!  Of course, I kept worrying that I would hurt him, but it was still scary, fun, and exciting. :D

There's been a lot of ups and down in my life lately.

I started the new job at the end of June. It's hard to go from a job where I was very knowledgeable and proficient to somewhere that I feel remedial and fumbly. Stressful and scary. My old job was intense for bursts of time--a trauma comes into the ER, it's very busy for a couple hours. Then, life would go back to the usual quiet, rural hospital pace.

Now, it is data entry all the time and, if you're not fast enough, you find out when you get called into the Super's office. In my case, that mean that I spent every day for the last two weeks stressing out quite a bit over every road block that takes my numbers down and worry that I will be fired. I don't believe that will actually happen, because I am working hard and my Super seems great about helping me find ways to improve, but generalized anxiety is a bitch when it's given this type of emotional fuel.




Another bad/sad is that my step mother passed away after an accident. For a few days, prior to passing away, she was at the hospital that I work at, but no one told me. I didn't find out about the accident until after she'd passed and found out about the hospital (and when her funeral was going to be) via her obit.

No, we were not close in my adult years, but I do mourn the woman who was very nice to me when I was a child and would go visit my dad. I do not remember her ever being anything but kind.

I went to her memorial service (there was no no actual funeral). It was hard, but I am so glad I went. It had a celebration of life feel and, since she spent her life caring for and about other people, it was a well deserved celebration.




I spent a couple months at 201-203 lbs. I couldn't seem to break the plateau. So frustrating. I can tell you why I stuck: 1) it's too easy to eat at one's desk in an office environment 2) I was too tired to exercise when I got home.  There is a happy outcome on this though: I finally broke through and am now at 199. I am in One-derland! There are no 2s in my weight at all! *happy dance*

I haven't tracked my food in multiple months. Quite honestly, between my anxiety and the new job, I just don't have the energy. However, the last two weeks I have been actively been mindful about eating, by looking at portion sizes, choosing more healthy foods, etc. That, I believe, is what helped break the plateau.

Having some movement on the scale really does add to my motivation again. Things feel possible. :)

I am a woman with a good doctor visit and a plan.

I saw my Internist for my 9 month follow up. He thinks I am doing well. We went over my meds AND talked about the possibility of getting pregnant around my year Surg-iversary.

He said that all of my meds are okay for pregnancy, even my anti anxiety med. That's a relief. It was also nice to, for the first time, not have the "pregnancies are high risk for someone of your weight" convo. I'm still overweight (50 lbs from my goal of 150 lbs), but not like I was.

He gave me a nice overview of how the medical staff would help me handle a pregnancy too. He explained that they would probably want me to keep my weight stable for the first six months, when the baby isn't really growing large. Then, around 6 months, they would have me increase my calories by a few hundred a day. They would expect me to gain around 15 lbs for the rest of my pregnancy and lose nearly all of that when giving birth.

Having that conversation and information really made me feel like having a baby is possible. It's a pretty great feeling. I walked out of the office smiling and, quite honestly, nearly tearing up.

*rubs hands together excitedly* I can soon stop practicing making babies and really go for it.

Since I am about to get what I hope to be my last birth control shot and that will last three months, I am really recommitting to losing weight before I try to get pregnant. My plan (see, I said I am a woman in possession of a plan), is to up my exercise and start logging my food. Having an end goal (babies!) helps my commitment.

I am going to shoot for 1000 calories a day, BUT I'm changing things up in that I plan eat the extra calories that I exercise off. So, without exercising, I can eat 1000 calories. If I go for a nice long, brisk walk and burn 200 calories, then I am allowed an extra 200 calories that day.  It gives me more motivation and 1000 calories is pretty low anyway for someone who weighs 202 lbs.

Okay, i have to get back to work. Break's over!

Here's what I am finding, at nearly 9 months post op: it's getting easier to eat and drink what I shouldn't, because it doesn't have the physical consequences as often (vomiting, feeling icky, etc.) .

Here's what I have decided to do about it: 1) eat what I should a vast majority of the time and eat what I shouldn't at a minimum; 2) if I am keeping to that philosophy, don't feel guilty when I do have things that may not be great for me.

I have a tough life, I tell you: worked Monday, had three days off for fun and sun, I work tomorrow, and I have a three day weekend. I just don't know how I get through weeks like this.

On Tuesday, I headed to the Wisconsin Dells area. My aunt is an Avon rep and she had a conference at the Kalahari hotel that morning. Thanks to being a business owner, she gets a corporate discount on hotels, so my aunt, her son, his wife, their three kids (8, 5, and 3 yrs old), and I stayed overnight in a suite with three king beds and two bathrooms (beautiful large tubs!!). The hotel sported a conference center, indoor water park, outdoor water park, and an indoor theme park. HUGE.

We arrived in town around 9 AM. Auntie T headed to her conference and my cousins, their brood, and I hit the indoor water park. Wow, there were at least 8 big water slides, I know of five hot tubs, and at least three structures that had lots of slides and such for younger kids.  We had a great time.

T's conference only lasted a couple hours. We met up with her around 1 or 2 PM and had lunch. For me, that was a little tough, because all of the food I brought was still in the car, as we couldn't check in until 4 PM. I ended up with a salad while everyone else had a huge cheesy pizza. Pizza was one of my favorite foods, so I was a bit envious.

Unfortunately, we had to sit around for a few hours waiting for our room to be ready. You could tell everyone was exhausted--a three hour road trip in the early AM and tons of running and playing in water will do that to kids and adults alike.

Finally, we were able to get into our room, get settled, and have a snack.

I think it was five when we all headed for the outdoor water park. My aunt and I took the kids on lots of water slides. I'd never been on one before, because I'd been too big and too self conscious. I'd been missing out! That was so much fun!

By the time we headed back to our room when the park closed at dusk, my calves were quite sore from running up stairs to slides and walking through water for hours.

We ate some more, I took a long, yummy bath in the deep tub, and most of us were in bed by 10:30 PM.

Next day, we got our stuff together, went for breakfast (food challenge #2, since most options were pancakes, french toast, hash browns, etc.). I had a fruit, yogurt, and granola parfait. We then loaded up the car, as our check out was at 11 AM, and headed back to the indoor water park for a while.

I think I was just too damn tired from all of the activity to enjoy the water as much as I had. In fact, I barely went in. I walked behind the littlest kid while he floated down a mini (1.0 ft deep) lazy river and then I went alone on the adult version. I did, however, have fun being with everyone. Just didn't have the energy for racing up steps and swimming with the kids. Plus, I was walking like an old woman, thanks to the calves I'd pulled the day before. :P

My aunt was the unofficial photographer on Wednesday and there are pictures of me in just my swimsuit. She's evil. She and the camera must be destroyed!!

We headed home around 3 PM, I believe. I slept most of the way.  When we arrived back at my cousin's place, I was still barely awake when we unloaded their vehicle. In fact, I was so out of it, that I didn't notice I was stung in my arm by a bee for a minute. I'm allergic, but didn't react much.

I made it home in time to say adios to my honey who was heading off to work. That was nice, because he was still at work when I left on Tuesday morning.

I took Thursday (today) off of work, because I knew I'd still be exhausted. I was right. I'm also still trying to walk like a normal person with the pulled muscles in my legs.

I want to complain about the muscles, but, really, it's a good thing. That means I pushed my body further than it is use to. That is something I should try to achieve often.

This coming Thursday, I get to experience the joy of my "yearly". Someone's going to clip a metal duck bill to my cervix. Fuuuuun!

Since I am eight and a half months out from surgery and the whole point of my surgery was to be able to have babies, I'm going to ask my doctor when I can go off my birth control--when will I be able to take in enough calories to sustain me and a baby. I eat 1000 calories a day at the moment.

That being said, I know a couple people who are pregnant and about the same distance from their surgery. They're doing fine, so I have hope that I can go off my Depo shot soon.

We've been dealing with some rough financial times, thanks to an expensive vet visit (Laelah had another UTI. Bah!) and my honey not being paid by Unemployment on three occasions this summer. But, sometimes a girl needs to go shopping anyway, especially when most of her clothes are too big...some of them are ridiculously so.

My mom wanted to hit Kmart today, to see if they had any decent sales, so we headed that way.

Kmart is in a strip mall with Fashion bug and I saw a sign at FB saying "Fit Right Jeans $14.99"! I damn near jumped out of the moving car. Earlier today, I was complaining that I had been too broke to take advantage of a 50% off Fashion Bug web sale last weekend. I like their jeans but I hate paying $35 for them. This was too perfect.

Of course, by the time I left, I spent $65, but that was on two awesome bras and two pair of jeans. Personally, I don't think that is bad at all. The exciting part was that I shopped in the missy section, instead of  the plus size. :) That's a first.

Finally, we made our way over to Kmart, where I found a couple tanks. I also found some Joe Boxer panties that were sexy and cute. Again, bought in the missy section, NOT plus. Yaaaay!

Mom and I headed to her house to assess our hoard. I'd try something on, she'd say, "ooh, I should borrow that from you sometime", and I'd take it off and hand it to her to try on. That's when she said, "it's weird being able to wear each others clothes, isn't it?"

That stopped me for a minute and then I laughed. It's true! I haven't been small enough to share clothes with anyone as long as I can remember. It's a happy, new experience.

In summary, clothes are more fun when you have variety in your size

Guess what! I down 4.6 pounds since my last weigh in two weeks ago. That means I weigh 202.2 pounds. I am soooo close to being out of the two-hundreds!

I thought I would touch on something that most people will have to make a decision on at some point post-op...alcoholic beverages.

My surgery program discourages drinking alcoholic beverages for a few reasons.

1. With the smaller stomach post-op comes a much lowered alcohol tolerance. It is very easy to have just one drink and be hammered, even though it would have taken two or three times that (at least for me) to get to the same point before the surgery.
2. With the increased ease of becoming intoxicated comes the increase risk of alcoholism. There are several people who have gone through our program and had to enter AA because of the alcohol addiction issues they developed post-operatively.
3. Alcohol is a lot of sugar calories with no nutritional benefit. Post-op, we're suppose to take in calories only to nourish our bodies, not for the pleasure of it or the emotions--happy or sad--attached to a food or drink.

With that said, I will admit that, at just shy of nine months out from surgery, I do have the occasional drink. Is that something I recommend to anyone? No, because I don't see it as anyone else's decision and I am not one to throw around my opinion.

Personally, I am far enough out that I mostly eat like a regular person (if I wanted, I could eat most any food, but in a small portion). I am at the point where my weight loss is becoming more and more due to my food and exercise choices. The leg-up/jump start from the surgery is fading fast and I am choosing to find a balance. I am learning to eat well, with the occasional SMALL indulgence. If I think I may want to have an extra 1/2 tablespoon of peanut butter on my sandwich or glass of wine in the evening, I account for that in my daily food intake. If I don't account for it, then I know there will be a consequence if my food intake/calories burned ratio is too out of balance.

As I mention above in point #2, I do get buzzed far more quickly. One glass of wine or one shot can make me intoxicated. I was a major light-weight before the surgery (alcohol-wise, anyway :P ) and I take a medication that lowers my alcohol tolerance. With a very strong family history of alcoholism, I keep a close eye on how much and how often I drink.

I don't think alcohol is the greatest thing ever and I don't think it's evil. As with our journey with food, all things in moderation and with mindfulness.

Been quiet for a while. As I get further and further away from my surgery, I'm finding life to be returning to normal. Fewer "firsts" to experience.

That being said, I had one today. . .

Travis and I are house/dog sitting for his parents. They live on about an acre of land, with neighbors not too far away, separated by a row of trees that don't fully block people from seeing into each others yards.

They have a pool and I LOVE to swim. Forgetting my swimsuit was stupid but I desperately wanted to swim, so I threw on a sports bra, a pair of panties, and a tee shirt and headed out back to the pool. I figured no one would know that I didn't have a real swimsuit on anyway.

I found out very quickly that cool August nights has an unhappy affect on pool water. I was in up to my chest and couldn't handle how cold it was. I got out after about five minutes, but I was really enjoying the wonderful sunshine and didn't want to head in. Sunbathing sounded yummy.

Standing in the yard, I looked around and didn't see any of the neighbors. It made me brave. So, I whipped off my tee shirt and laid in the sun in just my panties and bra. I can honestly say that I have NEVER done that before. Never, ever.

No, I wasn't 100% comfortable with having my thighs and stomach exposed if someone were to see me, but I also felt like, "what the hell? Who cares? If someone sees and doesn't like the view, I guess they should turn away then." The longer I laid out there, the less I cared. Two hours later, I was still super pale (I suspect that by body rejects UVs after so many years of not getting any) but very relaxed.

I have no plans of running around like that again, but it was an interesting experience. Something I certainly wouldn't have done at my highest weight.

Edited to add:  I do have some sunburn on my stomach. I'm so surprised and amused! Seriously, my body usually rejects and reflects UVs and I'm left just as pale as before the sun exposure. The burn isn't bad at all and I guess I should have expected some because I don't think my stomach has ever seen sunlight before.

Some victories to write about!

1) I finally weigh less than my honey. It's only a few pounds, but it still feels good. We're a foot apart in height, so I'm still far more overweight than he is, but I am still happy.

2) I can fit comfortably in his shirts. Waaaaaay back in the beginning of writing this blog, I mentioned that one of my girly goals was to be able to wear one of his shirts to bed if I felt like it. I can!

3) Ran into some old coworkers that I haven't seen in a couple years. They kept going on about thin my face was and that I looked great. That's a pretty awesome pick-me-up. :)



~*~*~*~*~

Okay, this is unrelated to my weight loss, but I have to put it down so I don't forget...

Last Friday, my honey and I decided to go to the drive in theater. We stopped at a gas station with a Subway in it on the way, to have something to eat. I ordered and paid for my sandwich first because Travis wanted to fill the car and order his own.

I was standing by the gas station door, waiting for Travis to finish paying for his sub, when the guy next to him passed out cold and hit his head on the cement floor! It was such a gross, loud noise (probably louder now, in my memory, than it really was). Of course, everyone just stood there for a second, in shock about what just happened.

Finally, we all start moving. I came forward and said not to move him. I mentioned I'd worked in an emergency room for several years and that was something that they never want you to do when someone has fallen and hit their head. ... and then I paused, looked at everyone, held up my hands, and said, "but I am NOT a nurse." lol Just wanted to make that clear!

Anyway...

Two people called for an ambulance. I checked to see if the passed out guy's head was bleeding. I didn't find any blood on the ground around his head. As I was feeling around, his eyes popped open.  Then, before we could say anything, he jumped up off the floor to a standing position.

He did have a small laceration on the back of his head. Nothing major, but he left a splotch of blood on the floor and a little on his neck. It either split open from the impact or one of the tiles cut him.

His coloring was still very green/gray and I was concerned he'd go down again. The gas station attendant and I walked him to a booth and I sat with him while we waited for the ambulance. I kept talking to him to keep him awake.  Travis came over a chatted a bit too.

He said he was in a band and they'd been practicing all day with very little water. He figured he passed out from dehydration, which wouldn't have been surprising. We've been experiencing some wicked hot weather lately.

The thing he seemed most concerned about was that he didn't have insurance. I explained that most hospitals have programs to pay part or all of costs for people without insurance who really need emergency care. I told him he needed to have his head and neck checked out because he hit so hard on the ground...and I followed it up with another, "but I am NOT a nurse" comment.

It took about 10 minutes from the time he woke up for the ambulance to arrive. That's when Travis and I headed out. I knew, from experience, that the EMTs would do their very best to get him to go to the hospital for his own good. There was a possible neck injury and brain bleed from smacking on the cement ground. They take that very seriously.

We headed to the movies and were talking animatedly, thanks to the surge of adrenaline. It was hard to calm down, but eventually we did, though multiple times, we both said, "I sure hope he is okay."
I haven't seen any sad news about a death from at accident at Subway, so I'm confident that the guy good to go, even if he is sore.

Travis seems to still be upset with himself that he didn't catch the guy as he went down. I have explained time and time again that no one else expected that of him. I hate that he feels guilty. I wasn't up close when this happened, so I could see all of the people and what transpired. There was just no way for it to have happened like he thinks it should have. For wanting to have helped more, I give him hugs and kisses.

Dr. PeopleSkills would be so proud! The other day, I walked a total of about 80 minutes--10 min on break, 25 min on lunch break, and then 45 min after work with my mom.

Last night, I beat 80 minutes. My mom, Auntie T, and I went to the local Fair. We walked around for about 4 hours, checking things out, finding food (mostly for them), and shopping. My total for the day was over 17,500 steps. About 12,000 was walking around the Fair grounds. Was exhausting, but a great time!

I bought a very cute tie-dyed tank last night and am wearing it today. While admiring it in the mirror, I realized something...my collar bones are constantly on display now. They don't make occasional appearances when I turn just right. No, they are there all the time! Hell, a few months ago, I wasn't sure I actually had any. lol

Also, my scale has been stuck for quite some time. All of my recent walking must have finally broke the plateau, because I lost 2.5 pounds as of this morning. Yay!

It's getting super hot again outside. We had a brief reprieve from the super steamy weather, but, today, the heat index is over 100 degrees. The actual temp is 93 degrees. This makes for awful and dangerous exercising weather. Monday will the the worst and then things will start to go back to the mid or low 80s.

I'm not going to have time for real exercise anyway, because we're prepping for a thrift sale all week. The sale is on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I bet I'll burn just as many calories with all of the running around, lifting, etc.

Oh, you want to see what a 100 lb loss does to upper arms?

Arm Blub 7/9/12

If my arm is down, the upper arm skin actually hangs and covers my elbow. *blech!* Hate it. My arms were always extra big, so this isn't a surprise that I have all that sagging skin. I'm told some of it will shrink up in the next year, but I doubt that it will be enough because the inside of my arms are covered in stretchmarks. That part of my skin won't shrink much.

Now, the question is: how long do I wait before I consider having those Flying Squirrel/Grandma Wings clipped? Hmmm? I am thinking a year from now, giving the skin time to shrink as much as it will and for me to lose more weight/fat.

I'm not usually the first person to jump at the idea of plastic surgery, but, for this, it is something I would consider. My legs are saggy and so is my stomach, but no one but me and Travis see that. Travis is fine with how I am. My arms, however, are something that lots of people see. Makes me self conscious. What's the point of going through my GBP surgery if I make it near to my goal and still feel I need to hide myself? None.

Plus, it's really annoying having one's upper arm skin slap a breast when sweeping the floor.

Lately, I haven't been doing well. I slacked off of tracking my food, eating unhealthy foods, and I wasn't exercising. That's not the way to keep from being 317 lbs again.

I just didn't have the ambition or the energy to do what needed to be done. I could name a bunch of factors and reasons, but would they be true or just excuses? Doesn't matter. I just need to hop  back on the wagon. Thankfully, you fall ass-over-tea kettle off the wagon, it stops and waits for you to climb back on. I am working toward doing just that...finally.
What really got me motivated was when my honey pointed out that I was cheating a lot with foods I was previously avoiding--ice cream, pasta, etc. He wasn't mean, just stated a fact. At first, I was defensive, but that's because it was true and I was hurt that I'd slipped so much that he'd noticed. I knew I'd slipped and was struggling to get my behavior back in line where it should be. He was the push I needed to say to myself, "this is not acceptable."

It was Saturday when he said he'd noticed my eating had gone off course.

Sunday, I decided to go for a walk, which was 40 minutes long and 1.78 miles. Not bad, since I had not been on a walk in about a month. We had two weeks of really hot weather here that prevented much outside activity, but the other two weeks were all my fault. The walk aggravated my old tendinitis issues in my right hip, but I figure that just means the tendon was under worked and then overworked, so I need to keep it stretched and walking far more regularly.

Today, Monday, I have tracked all of my food and am currently 120 calories under my 1,000 allowed calories (per Nutritionist) and I am about to go for a walk with my mom. That will last at least 40 minutes.

The track and the walking are both "steps" in the right direction. :)

Popcorn, Take 1!

I haven't had popcorn since before my surgery, so at least six months ago. For whatever reason, lately I want it (I blame it on the new job where the breakroom always smells like it). Redenbacher's has a 94% fat free butter popcorn and I bought it tonight.

Since I haven't had it post-op, I didn't want the trial run to be while I was at work. So, I'm testing out whether I can tolerate it now. Wish me luck!

Taste wise, it's a little dry, but it's also not dripping in extra butter like I use to make it. Taste isn't bad. I can taste a hint of butter, which is all I need.

Can't have the best of both worlds with food. I can have a modified version and keep my calorie count in check or I can have it just as I did before along with the weight/health troubles. I'll stick with the first option, TYVM!

Besides, if I can eat and keep it down, there are tons of no cal/low cal powders that can be put on to add flavors. We modify our protein shakes to make them as good as possible. I say, "why not popcorn?!" :P

ETA: I forgot to reveal the results of my pcorn experiment. It stayed down just fine--no pain, funny feelings, vomiting, or anything negative. Now, the problem is that I have to keep my portions to a cup, not all 7.5 in the bag! lol

I remember why I avoid carbs: I love them like a toddler loves sugar!

My honey is recovering from his Thursday tonsillectomy and doesn't find many foods comfortable to eat. He's pretty much living on instant mashed potatoes, popscicles, ice cream and cottage cheese.

I really want him to get past this stage, because I find it beyond hard to resist those potatoes. I absolutely love instant potatoes. Don't know what it is about them, but I adore them. Nummy.

I've kept my portions small when I have stolen some from The Patient, but I want more. It's a massive craving right now. I'm actually writing this as a something to do with my hands instead of raiding the pan of 'tatoes.

My councelor would be thrilled that I took measures to distract myself from having more and my nutritionist would be upset that I had any. Can't please everybody all the time, I guess. :P

On a side note, related only to the tonsillectomy, Travis asked that "Soft Kitty" be sung to him, since he's not feeling well. I agree and sang to him, because I am, in fact, an excellent sorta-wife.