First Appt with Surgeon

Yesterday was my first consult with the bariatric surgeon. I'm still reeling a bit.

I am a candidate for the surgery. In fact, it could be done as soon as four months from now, which freaks me out a bit since I didn't expect anything until early or mid-2012. If I find that I feel things are moving too fast for me to be comfortable, I will drag my feet a bit. There's no way I'm going to go through this feeling like it's being rushed.

The appointment left me emotionally raw. Having my weight issue discussed so clinically is rough. Clinical discussions tend to not have the harsh edges buffered. The doc and his staff were not mean or anything. In fact, they were very nice, but it's still hard to hear some
things, even if I already know them.

In the next month or so, I have many appointments. Off the top of my head...there's a nutritionist, physiologist, psychologist, internal medicine. Plus, I have to go to 12 weeks of group
therapy sessions for pre-op patients.

Because I'm having this procedure done through my employer (I work for a major health care organization) and the company self-insures the employees, there are a lot of hoops that I don't have to jump through to get my health insurance to pay. No physician supervised diet and no
1 year waiting period, to name a couple.

My medical problems are nearly all managed without medication at the moment. So, the only medical condition that could hold things up if it gets out of control is my thyroid. I'm in the midst of adjusting my dose, which can take several months. Once I find a dose and have multiple months of blood work showing correct and stable TSH levels, I'll be good on that front.

I left the appointment with the surgeon feeling like it was a success. However, as the day went on, I realized how worn out it made me feel. They gave me this large binder of info to read through and to add papers to from all my appointments. When I got home, I just set it
aside. I haven't made myself look at it yet. I think I need a couple days to emotionally recuperate before I dive into the info.

Five pounds down!

I'm so excited--I've lost five pounds!

In the grand scheme of what I need to lose, it's not much. It's only about 3% of what I need to lose to even be 150 pounds (at 5'1", that's still overweight). However, it's awesome to see that I CAN lose weight. For so long, it's felt like that wasn't even a possibility.

As I state in my blog title, this is a journey. Journeys don't always go the same speed. Sometimes you fall behind or even get lost. Right now, my path is clear and seems to be going along at a good clip. When things get tough, I can look back at this and remind myself that the path is still there--it may be covered in the wrappers of the candy bars I consoled myself with when I was lost and felt like I should give up--I just need to work hard to see it and keep moving forward.
I can't say enough about how helpful MFP (MyFitnessPal.com) has been.

I am a person that needs notes and reminders to keep my life in order. If it's not written down, it isn't going to happen. Being able to plug in my food/exercise and have it right there for me to see has made this so much easier.

I started using the diary has a way to get a baseline of what I normally eat. I didn't intend to modify my eating habits yet, but I have, somewhat. It's too easy to lie to one's self when things aren't on paper (or, in this case, on webpage) and having my food intake shown in black and white has made a world of difference for me. Hell, I've barely exercised, but I'm still losing weight.

I make choices about quality and quantity that I wouldn't have even thought about a few weeks ago, because I felt overwhelmed by trying to figure things out manually. The MFP diaries made
things much simpler and allowed me to take my first steps toward being at a healthier weight. Being accountable with the right tools gives me control where I use to feel I had none. I'm so thankful that I friend mentioned this website. Truly.

Absolute Failure or Rousing Success for Getting My Butt Moving?

Wow, I'm not sure if the experience I just had with an exercise video severely depresses me or is spurring me on. A little of both, I think.

Yesterday, I received my copy of The Biggest Loser Power Walk from Amazon. Once my honey
went to sleep this morning, I decided to test it out. Holy shit, I lasted only a half mile.

Saying I lasted a half mile sounds way better than saying that I quit 7 minutes into
the video. Seven-frackin'-minutes!!

I'm reminding myself that I am not a fit person by any means and I also have multiple medical problems that make exercising more difficult. I'm also trying not to let those reminders turn into excuses for not getting my butt up and exercising.

I am a big time asthmatic, yes. I do have knee problems, yes. I do have a serious back problem, yes. Those issues will be greatly helped if I keep trying to exercise--yes, very much!

As I write this, I've come up with a strategy. I have to accept that I currently have limitations-- I can't seem to handle more than a half mile (fine, 7 minutes :P) at a time-- but I can try to work with them and try to change them. So, I will do seven minutes at least once a day. If my medical problems aren't giving me too much trouble, I will go for a second round of at least a half mile later on that day.

Whether I call the exercise "brisk walk" or "low impact aerobics", MFP shows I burned 73 calories in those few minutes. To me, it is sad that was all I could manage. However, I'm going to think positively about this and remember it is 73 calories that I didn't even try to burn yesterday.

Now, excuse me, I need my inhaler... *lung squeak*

So, the Scale isn't **Completly** Evil

For years, I've avoided the scale. It has been my enemy. The numbers kept creeping up until I decided that I didn't want to see it anymore. Today, however, was different, because it showed that I lost two pounds!

No, 2 lbs isn't much, but it's a start, right? :)

I've been using a website called My Fitness Pal, which has a food and exercise diary, which can fill in the calories (+/-, based on intake and activity). I've been trying to be pretty honest and keep on top of it. Since I've lost a couple pounds since I last saw my doc, I guess it's working.

Eventually, I'll have to start getting more exercise. I need to start getting ANY exercise. To say I'm sedentary would be an understatement, I admit. I'm taking one thing at a time though. First, get a handle on my food intake, then, on to adding exercise. If I change too much at once, I'm afraid I'll feel overwhelmed and quit.

Joined MFP

As I've said before, I'm rather craptastic about knowing portion size and such. In an effort to work on fixing that, I joined My Fitness Pal.

It's an interesting little website that calculates caloric intake someone needs to maintain or lose weight, based on current height and weight. Along with the site's food diary, which

The Secret Dreams of a Chunky Chick

I have secret dreams about the results of losing a bunch of pounds--things that I've never told to anyone. They're things that I think most "normal" size women can do or experience.

 

I'm trying to be more open and stop bottling thoughts and feelings up about my weight, so, here's my list for the whole world to read:

 

• Wear one of my boyfriend's t-shirts. This may be a chick-flick induced wish, but it's something I've never even had the option of doing. I have always outweighed him.
• Fit comfortably in an airplane seat. I have completely avoided flying since my trip to Vegas 10 years ago. The seats were snug then and I'm bigger now. I have this fear that I'll get on the plane and the staff will make a big, public spectacle about saying that I need to buy a second seat.
• Not have to check the weight-limit on items I'm considering purchasing. I've had to do this for folding chairs (wrecked a few, much to my humiliation), exercise equipment, a hammock I've been eyeing for years, etc.

 

I'm sure that there is more, but this is all I can come up with right now.

 

What I can say is that, while my weight has had a huge impact on my life, it hasn't ruined my life. I have great friends, family, a wonderful fiance, and a job and a home to go to each day. I try to maintain a positive attitude, even when life makes it tough, and remember that it could always be worse. Life, no matter it's limitations, is a gift.

One step closer

Well, I officially have an appointment to meet the surgeon and see what I need to do to move forward.

I spoke with the doctor's assistant, "D". He told me that he received my referral from my PCP, but he would have to wait until he verified approval from my health insurance company before he scheduled me to see the surgeon, because it would be a waste of my time and money if the insurance company had no intention of paying. He said he would know in 7 to 10 days.

I work for the same healthcare organization that I am seeking this procedure through. Since they're self-insured, when I mentioned my insurance company name, he said "oh, well, then we can go ahead and set up that appointment right away!" 

The first opening wasn't until April 22. I'm glad I didn't have to wait to schedule or I'd probably be waiting until May to get in.

So, now I wait some more, but I still see this as progress. Things are happening, even if it is 3 weeks(!) away. D is sending me a packet in the mail. At least I'll have some info before my appointment.

The appointment will include a 45 minute video about bariatric surgery (both the program at the hospital and the specifics of the procedure itself) and then a 45 minute consult with the surgeon.

I have to say, my first experience talking to someone in that department was really good. D made me feel comfortable when discussing something that can be a very sensitive subject for me. Hopefully, it's a fair representation of things to come. :)