Happy (belated) one-year surgiversary to me!!

On December 15, 2012, I reached the one year mark. It seemed to take forever and yet not long at all.

Besides damage to my knees from years of so much weight and my back, due to a birth defect, I feel fantastic. I am still amazed by how great I feel and how much easier life is physically. Even the pain I still have is far less often than it was a year or two years ago.

On other health fronts, per my one year post-op appointment with my Internist, I have fantastic cholesterol. Most of my other labs are great. The exception being somewhat low iron and very low vitamin D. Those are both my fault, as I quit my vitamins/calcium pills. I have started with those again, so both will come back into line very soon.

Also, my eczema has nearly resolved itself and I rarely need my asthma meds.

You may wonder how my eczema is related to weight. Eczema is an autoimmune issue. My body was so stressed over the weight that it started to attack itself. I had it very bad in my hairline and some on my eyelid and hand. Now, I have a bit on my neck, but I believe part of the reason it has reemerged there is the dry skin brought on by dry winter weather.

Some knee pain and a little neck itch is a vast improvement. I am quite happy with life and how things are going. Life is good and always getting better.

I have had my first real complication from my surgery. I had/have a partial bowel obstruction. I have to say, it is extremely painful and miserable.

Yesterday morning, I had part of a sandwich around 10:30 AM. A few minutes afterward, I started to feel very full of air in my abdomen. The feeling continued over the next half hour to became pain through out the front, center are of my abdomen ("stomach" would be incorrect, as the pain was not in the high area of my abdomen where my new little stomach resides), which would spike when I moved wrong, pressed on my abdomen, or compressed my abdomen (sitting in an office chair). I was also weak, shaking, and somewhat nauseated, though I believe that was a reaction to the pain, not illness.

Luckily, I was done with work at noon, so I rode out the feeling through the end of my workday. I, then, headed home, hitting Walmart on the way to buy some Gas-X in the hope that was the problem. No such luck, I decided an hour after swallowing the little capsule.

The thing about Frankensteinees is that they are at a greater risk for gallbladder issues early on and then bowel obstructions forever. I am a worrier, so I was very concerned, but I also worked in an emergency room for years and have seen people come in for the silliest things. I had visions of going to the ER only to find that it really was just gas.

I suffered until 5 PM, when my mom talked me into calling the after hours clinic to see if they could get me in. They did. I was at their office at 5:30.

Two hours later, I left, after two visits with the doc, four x rays, multiple tubes of blood drawn, and a partial bowel obstruction diagnosis. Because I was not vomiting and my pain had lessened somewhat, the doc gave me the option to go home for the time being and do not eat solid food, because the obstruction could resolve itself. I was given strict order to head to the ER immediately if the water I was allowed to drink made me vomit or if the pain increased again.

Normally, they wouldn't even suggest the water, because, if the obstruction were complete, it would put more material in an unmoving stomach. However, my urine sample showed I am somewhat dehydrated. If it didn't make me sick, it was important that I slowly take in some fluids.

So, I went home. I texted my Lead at work to let her know that, if I did head to the ER, I wouldn't be into work on Wednesday. I headed to bed at 8 PM, hoping sleep would give me some relief. It didn't come quickly.

I ended up with about six hours of sleep. Not enough for me normally and certainly not enough for me after such a physically stressful day, but we do what we can. I got up, got ready, and went to work.

I still didn't feel good this morning. I had some pain, though the severe stuff had let up. Mostly, I felt/feel very bruised in my abdomen from all of the pressure. I still had some spikes of pain, but nothing like yesterday. Mostly, I was exhausted and unfocused, which was exacerbated by the fact that I wasn't drinking any coffee or taking in any food.

I was afraid to eat or drink anything beyond water. The last time I ate, yesterday morning, it seem to bring on that pain. I didn't want that again! I laid off the coffee, because I figured adding an acidic stimulant to an irritated gastric system just seem foolish.

By 10 AM, I was starving. It was pushing 24 hours since my meal. Then, my coworker came in with her freshly heated pop tart. I broke and had a small spoonful of peanut butter. A half hour later, when I decided that was staying down just fine, I ran to the store and bought a cup of soup. That stayed down too!

So, my obstruction seems to have resolved itself, like the doc and I hoped. I'm cautiously hopeful this little adventure is over. Very cautiously.

Oh, since I just finished talking about bowel problems, I'm going to continue on the path of TMI. You are so welcome!

Thanks to the cleaning cloths from prior to the urine sample I gave, I am now starting my 2nd yeast infection ever. Woo-frickin'-hoo.

Okay, I waited 31 years for the first and then two more years for the 2nd, so I probably shouldn't complain, but...I am. I have bruised stomach pain, a headache from not eating for a day, and, now, some "downstairs" pain (and more). I have to say, this is not my favorite week.

On the bright side, thanks to surgery, diet, exercise, and not eating because of pain, I am now down a total of 121.5 lbs. :) I weight 195.6 lbs.

Another "first" today: Travis picked me up!  Of course, I kept worrying that I would hurt him, but it was still scary, fun, and exciting. :D

There's been a lot of ups and down in my life lately.

I started the new job at the end of June. It's hard to go from a job where I was very knowledgeable and proficient to somewhere that I feel remedial and fumbly. Stressful and scary. My old job was intense for bursts of time--a trauma comes into the ER, it's very busy for a couple hours. Then, life would go back to the usual quiet, rural hospital pace.

Now, it is data entry all the time and, if you're not fast enough, you find out when you get called into the Super's office. In my case, that mean that I spent every day for the last two weeks stressing out quite a bit over every road block that takes my numbers down and worry that I will be fired. I don't believe that will actually happen, because I am working hard and my Super seems great about helping me find ways to improve, but generalized anxiety is a bitch when it's given this type of emotional fuel.




Another bad/sad is that my step mother passed away after an accident. For a few days, prior to passing away, she was at the hospital that I work at, but no one told me. I didn't find out about the accident until after she'd passed and found out about the hospital (and when her funeral was going to be) via her obit.

No, we were not close in my adult years, but I do mourn the woman who was very nice to me when I was a child and would go visit my dad. I do not remember her ever being anything but kind.

I went to her memorial service (there was no no actual funeral). It was hard, but I am so glad I went. It had a celebration of life feel and, since she spent her life caring for and about other people, it was a well deserved celebration.




I spent a couple months at 201-203 lbs. I couldn't seem to break the plateau. So frustrating. I can tell you why I stuck: 1) it's too easy to eat at one's desk in an office environment 2) I was too tired to exercise when I got home.  There is a happy outcome on this though: I finally broke through and am now at 199. I am in One-derland! There are no 2s in my weight at all! *happy dance*

I haven't tracked my food in multiple months. Quite honestly, between my anxiety and the new job, I just don't have the energy. However, the last two weeks I have been actively been mindful about eating, by looking at portion sizes, choosing more healthy foods, etc. That, I believe, is what helped break the plateau.

Having some movement on the scale really does add to my motivation again. Things feel possible. :)

I am a woman with a good doctor visit and a plan.

I saw my Internist for my 9 month follow up. He thinks I am doing well. We went over my meds AND talked about the possibility of getting pregnant around my year Surg-iversary.

He said that all of my meds are okay for pregnancy, even my anti anxiety med. That's a relief. It was also nice to, for the first time, not have the "pregnancies are high risk for someone of your weight" convo. I'm still overweight (50 lbs from my goal of 150 lbs), but not like I was.

He gave me a nice overview of how the medical staff would help me handle a pregnancy too. He explained that they would probably want me to keep my weight stable for the first six months, when the baby isn't really growing large. Then, around 6 months, they would have me increase my calories by a few hundred a day. They would expect me to gain around 15 lbs for the rest of my pregnancy and lose nearly all of that when giving birth.

Having that conversation and information really made me feel like having a baby is possible. It's a pretty great feeling. I walked out of the office smiling and, quite honestly, nearly tearing up.

*rubs hands together excitedly* I can soon stop practicing making babies and really go for it.

Since I am about to get what I hope to be my last birth control shot and that will last three months, I am really recommitting to losing weight before I try to get pregnant. My plan (see, I said I am a woman in possession of a plan), is to up my exercise and start logging my food. Having an end goal (babies!) helps my commitment.

I am going to shoot for 1000 calories a day, BUT I'm changing things up in that I plan eat the extra calories that I exercise off. So, without exercising, I can eat 1000 calories. If I go for a nice long, brisk walk and burn 200 calories, then I am allowed an extra 200 calories that day.  It gives me more motivation and 1000 calories is pretty low anyway for someone who weighs 202 lbs.

Okay, i have to get back to work. Break's over!

Here's what I am finding, at nearly 9 months post op: it's getting easier to eat and drink what I shouldn't, because it doesn't have the physical consequences as often (vomiting, feeling icky, etc.) .

Here's what I have decided to do about it: 1) eat what I should a vast majority of the time and eat what I shouldn't at a minimum; 2) if I am keeping to that philosophy, don't feel guilty when I do have things that may not be great for me.

I have a tough life, I tell you: worked Monday, had three days off for fun and sun, I work tomorrow, and I have a three day weekend. I just don't know how I get through weeks like this.

On Tuesday, I headed to the Wisconsin Dells area. My aunt is an Avon rep and she had a conference at the Kalahari hotel that morning. Thanks to being a business owner, she gets a corporate discount on hotels, so my aunt, her son, his wife, their three kids (8, 5, and 3 yrs old), and I stayed overnight in a suite with three king beds and two bathrooms (beautiful large tubs!!). The hotel sported a conference center, indoor water park, outdoor water park, and an indoor theme park. HUGE.

We arrived in town around 9 AM. Auntie T headed to her conference and my cousins, their brood, and I hit the indoor water park. Wow, there were at least 8 big water slides, I know of five hot tubs, and at least three structures that had lots of slides and such for younger kids.  We had a great time.

T's conference only lasted a couple hours. We met up with her around 1 or 2 PM and had lunch. For me, that was a little tough, because all of the food I brought was still in the car, as we couldn't check in until 4 PM. I ended up with a salad while everyone else had a huge cheesy pizza. Pizza was one of my favorite foods, so I was a bit envious.

Unfortunately, we had to sit around for a few hours waiting for our room to be ready. You could tell everyone was exhausted--a three hour road trip in the early AM and tons of running and playing in water will do that to kids and adults alike.

Finally, we were able to get into our room, get settled, and have a snack.

I think it was five when we all headed for the outdoor water park. My aunt and I took the kids on lots of water slides. I'd never been on one before, because I'd been too big and too self conscious. I'd been missing out! That was so much fun!

By the time we headed back to our room when the park closed at dusk, my calves were quite sore from running up stairs to slides and walking through water for hours.

We ate some more, I took a long, yummy bath in the deep tub, and most of us were in bed by 10:30 PM.

Next day, we got our stuff together, went for breakfast (food challenge #2, since most options were pancakes, french toast, hash browns, etc.). I had a fruit, yogurt, and granola parfait. We then loaded up the car, as our check out was at 11 AM, and headed back to the indoor water park for a while.

I think I was just too damn tired from all of the activity to enjoy the water as much as I had. In fact, I barely went in. I walked behind the littlest kid while he floated down a mini (1.0 ft deep) lazy river and then I went alone on the adult version. I did, however, have fun being with everyone. Just didn't have the energy for racing up steps and swimming with the kids. Plus, I was walking like an old woman, thanks to the calves I'd pulled the day before. :P

My aunt was the unofficial photographer on Wednesday and there are pictures of me in just my swimsuit. She's evil. She and the camera must be destroyed!!

We headed home around 3 PM, I believe. I slept most of the way.  When we arrived back at my cousin's place, I was still barely awake when we unloaded their vehicle. In fact, I was so out of it, that I didn't notice I was stung in my arm by a bee for a minute. I'm allergic, but didn't react much.

I made it home in time to say adios to my honey who was heading off to work. That was nice, because he was still at work when I left on Tuesday morning.

I took Thursday (today) off of work, because I knew I'd still be exhausted. I was right. I'm also still trying to walk like a normal person with the pulled muscles in my legs.

I want to complain about the muscles, but, really, it's a good thing. That means I pushed my body further than it is use to. That is something I should try to achieve often.

This coming Thursday, I get to experience the joy of my "yearly". Someone's going to clip a metal duck bill to my cervix. Fuuuuun!

Since I am eight and a half months out from surgery and the whole point of my surgery was to be able to have babies, I'm going to ask my doctor when I can go off my birth control--when will I be able to take in enough calories to sustain me and a baby. I eat 1000 calories a day at the moment.

That being said, I know a couple people who are pregnant and about the same distance from their surgery. They're doing fine, so I have hope that I can go off my Depo shot soon.

We've been dealing with some rough financial times, thanks to an expensive vet visit (Laelah had another UTI. Bah!) and my honey not being paid by Unemployment on three occasions this summer. But, sometimes a girl needs to go shopping anyway, especially when most of her clothes are too big...some of them are ridiculously so.

My mom wanted to hit Kmart today, to see if they had any decent sales, so we headed that way.

Kmart is in a strip mall with Fashion bug and I saw a sign at FB saying "Fit Right Jeans $14.99"! I damn near jumped out of the moving car. Earlier today, I was complaining that I had been too broke to take advantage of a 50% off Fashion Bug web sale last weekend. I like their jeans but I hate paying $35 for them. This was too perfect.

Of course, by the time I left, I spent $65, but that was on two awesome bras and two pair of jeans. Personally, I don't think that is bad at all. The exciting part was that I shopped in the missy section, instead of  the plus size. :) That's a first.

Finally, we made our way over to Kmart, where I found a couple tanks. I also found some Joe Boxer panties that were sexy and cute. Again, bought in the missy section, NOT plus. Yaaaay!

Mom and I headed to her house to assess our hoard. I'd try something on, she'd say, "ooh, I should borrow that from you sometime", and I'd take it off and hand it to her to try on. That's when she said, "it's weird being able to wear each others clothes, isn't it?"

That stopped me for a minute and then I laughed. It's true! I haven't been small enough to share clothes with anyone as long as I can remember. It's a happy, new experience.

In summary, clothes are more fun when you have variety in your size

Guess what! I down 4.6 pounds since my last weigh in two weeks ago. That means I weigh 202.2 pounds. I am soooo close to being out of the two-hundreds!

I thought I would touch on something that most people will have to make a decision on at some point post-op...alcoholic beverages.

My surgery program discourages drinking alcoholic beverages for a few reasons.

1. With the smaller stomach post-op comes a much lowered alcohol tolerance. It is very easy to have just one drink and be hammered, even though it would have taken two or three times that (at least for me) to get to the same point before the surgery.
2. With the increased ease of becoming intoxicated comes the increase risk of alcoholism. There are several people who have gone through our program and had to enter AA because of the alcohol addiction issues they developed post-operatively.
3. Alcohol is a lot of sugar calories with no nutritional benefit. Post-op, we're suppose to take in calories only to nourish our bodies, not for the pleasure of it or the emotions--happy or sad--attached to a food or drink.

With that said, I will admit that, at just shy of nine months out from surgery, I do have the occasional drink. Is that something I recommend to anyone? No, because I don't see it as anyone else's decision and I am not one to throw around my opinion.

Personally, I am far enough out that I mostly eat like a regular person (if I wanted, I could eat most any food, but in a small portion). I am at the point where my weight loss is becoming more and more due to my food and exercise choices. The leg-up/jump start from the surgery is fading fast and I am choosing to find a balance. I am learning to eat well, with the occasional SMALL indulgence. If I think I may want to have an extra 1/2 tablespoon of peanut butter on my sandwich or glass of wine in the evening, I account for that in my daily food intake. If I don't account for it, then I know there will be a consequence if my food intake/calories burned ratio is too out of balance.

As I mention above in point #2, I do get buzzed far more quickly. One glass of wine or one shot can make me intoxicated. I was a major light-weight before the surgery (alcohol-wise, anyway :P ) and I take a medication that lowers my alcohol tolerance. With a very strong family history of alcoholism, I keep a close eye on how much and how often I drink.

I don't think alcohol is the greatest thing ever and I don't think it's evil. As with our journey with food, all things in moderation and with mindfulness.

Been quiet for a while. As I get further and further away from my surgery, I'm finding life to be returning to normal. Fewer "firsts" to experience.

That being said, I had one today. . .

Travis and I are house/dog sitting for his parents. They live on about an acre of land, with neighbors not too far away, separated by a row of trees that don't fully block people from seeing into each others yards.

They have a pool and I LOVE to swim. Forgetting my swimsuit was stupid but I desperately wanted to swim, so I threw on a sports bra, a pair of panties, and a tee shirt and headed out back to the pool. I figured no one would know that I didn't have a real swimsuit on anyway.

I found out very quickly that cool August nights has an unhappy affect on pool water. I was in up to my chest and couldn't handle how cold it was. I got out after about five minutes, but I was really enjoying the wonderful sunshine and didn't want to head in. Sunbathing sounded yummy.

Standing in the yard, I looked around and didn't see any of the neighbors. It made me brave. So, I whipped off my tee shirt and laid in the sun in just my panties and bra. I can honestly say that I have NEVER done that before. Never, ever.

No, I wasn't 100% comfortable with having my thighs and stomach exposed if someone were to see me, but I also felt like, "what the hell? Who cares? If someone sees and doesn't like the view, I guess they should turn away then." The longer I laid out there, the less I cared. Two hours later, I was still super pale (I suspect that by body rejects UVs after so many years of not getting any) but very relaxed.

I have no plans of running around like that again, but it was an interesting experience. Something I certainly wouldn't have done at my highest weight.

Edited to add:  I do have some sunburn on my stomach. I'm so surprised and amused! Seriously, my body usually rejects and reflects UVs and I'm left just as pale as before the sun exposure. The burn isn't bad at all and I guess I should have expected some because I don't think my stomach has ever seen sunlight before.

Some victories to write about!

1) I finally weigh less than my honey. It's only a few pounds, but it still feels good. We're a foot apart in height, so I'm still far more overweight than he is, but I am still happy.

2) I can fit comfortably in his shirts. Waaaaaay back in the beginning of writing this blog, I mentioned that one of my girly goals was to be able to wear one of his shirts to bed if I felt like it. I can!

3) Ran into some old coworkers that I haven't seen in a couple years. They kept going on about thin my face was and that I looked great. That's a pretty awesome pick-me-up. :)



~*~*~*~*~

Okay, this is unrelated to my weight loss, but I have to put it down so I don't forget...

Last Friday, my honey and I decided to go to the drive in theater. We stopped at a gas station with a Subway in it on the way, to have something to eat. I ordered and paid for my sandwich first because Travis wanted to fill the car and order his own.

I was standing by the gas station door, waiting for Travis to finish paying for his sub, when the guy next to him passed out cold and hit his head on the cement floor! It was such a gross, loud noise (probably louder now, in my memory, than it really was). Of course, everyone just stood there for a second, in shock about what just happened.

Finally, we all start moving. I came forward and said not to move him. I mentioned I'd worked in an emergency room for several years and that was something that they never want you to do when someone has fallen and hit their head. ... and then I paused, looked at everyone, held up my hands, and said, "but I am NOT a nurse." lol Just wanted to make that clear!

Anyway...

Two people called for an ambulance. I checked to see if the passed out guy's head was bleeding. I didn't find any blood on the ground around his head. As I was feeling around, his eyes popped open.  Then, before we could say anything, he jumped up off the floor to a standing position.

He did have a small laceration on the back of his head. Nothing major, but he left a splotch of blood on the floor and a little on his neck. It either split open from the impact or one of the tiles cut him.

His coloring was still very green/gray and I was concerned he'd go down again. The gas station attendant and I walked him to a booth and I sat with him while we waited for the ambulance. I kept talking to him to keep him awake.  Travis came over a chatted a bit too.

He said he was in a band and they'd been practicing all day with very little water. He figured he passed out from dehydration, which wouldn't have been surprising. We've been experiencing some wicked hot weather lately.

The thing he seemed most concerned about was that he didn't have insurance. I explained that most hospitals have programs to pay part or all of costs for people without insurance who really need emergency care. I told him he needed to have his head and neck checked out because he hit so hard on the ground...and I followed it up with another, "but I am NOT a nurse" comment.

It took about 10 minutes from the time he woke up for the ambulance to arrive. That's when Travis and I headed out. I knew, from experience, that the EMTs would do their very best to get him to go to the hospital for his own good. There was a possible neck injury and brain bleed from smacking on the cement ground. They take that very seriously.

We headed to the movies and were talking animatedly, thanks to the surge of adrenaline. It was hard to calm down, but eventually we did, though multiple times, we both said, "I sure hope he is okay."
I haven't seen any sad news about a death from at accident at Subway, so I'm confident that the guy good to go, even if he is sore.

Travis seems to still be upset with himself that he didn't catch the guy as he went down. I have explained time and time again that no one else expected that of him. I hate that he feels guilty. I wasn't up close when this happened, so I could see all of the people and what transpired. There was just no way for it to have happened like he thinks it should have. For wanting to have helped more, I give him hugs and kisses.

Dr. PeopleSkills would be so proud! The other day, I walked a total of about 80 minutes--10 min on break, 25 min on lunch break, and then 45 min after work with my mom.

Last night, I beat 80 minutes. My mom, Auntie T, and I went to the local Fair. We walked around for about 4 hours, checking things out, finding food (mostly for them), and shopping. My total for the day was over 17,500 steps. About 12,000 was walking around the Fair grounds. Was exhausting, but a great time!

I bought a very cute tie-dyed tank last night and am wearing it today. While admiring it in the mirror, I realized something...my collar bones are constantly on display now. They don't make occasional appearances when I turn just right. No, they are there all the time! Hell, a few months ago, I wasn't sure I actually had any. lol

Also, my scale has been stuck for quite some time. All of my recent walking must have finally broke the plateau, because I lost 2.5 pounds as of this morning. Yay!

It's getting super hot again outside. We had a brief reprieve from the super steamy weather, but, today, the heat index is over 100 degrees. The actual temp is 93 degrees. This makes for awful and dangerous exercising weather. Monday will the the worst and then things will start to go back to the mid or low 80s.

I'm not going to have time for real exercise anyway, because we're prepping for a thrift sale all week. The sale is on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I bet I'll burn just as many calories with all of the running around, lifting, etc.

Oh, you want to see what a 100 lb loss does to upper arms?

Arm Blub 7/9/12

If my arm is down, the upper arm skin actually hangs and covers my elbow. *blech!* Hate it. My arms were always extra big, so this isn't a surprise that I have all that sagging skin. I'm told some of it will shrink up in the next year, but I doubt that it will be enough because the inside of my arms are covered in stretchmarks. That part of my skin won't shrink much.

Now, the question is: how long do I wait before I consider having those Flying Squirrel/Grandma Wings clipped? Hmmm? I am thinking a year from now, giving the skin time to shrink as much as it will and for me to lose more weight/fat.

I'm not usually the first person to jump at the idea of plastic surgery, but, for this, it is something I would consider. My legs are saggy and so is my stomach, but no one but me and Travis see that. Travis is fine with how I am. My arms, however, are something that lots of people see. Makes me self conscious. What's the point of going through my GBP surgery if I make it near to my goal and still feel I need to hide myself? None.

Plus, it's really annoying having one's upper arm skin slap a breast when sweeping the floor.

Lately, I haven't been doing well. I slacked off of tracking my food, eating unhealthy foods, and I wasn't exercising. That's not the way to keep from being 317 lbs again.

I just didn't have the ambition or the energy to do what needed to be done. I could name a bunch of factors and reasons, but would they be true or just excuses? Doesn't matter. I just need to hop  back on the wagon. Thankfully, you fall ass-over-tea kettle off the wagon, it stops and waits for you to climb back on. I am working toward doing just that...finally.
What really got me motivated was when my honey pointed out that I was cheating a lot with foods I was previously avoiding--ice cream, pasta, etc. He wasn't mean, just stated a fact. At first, I was defensive, but that's because it was true and I was hurt that I'd slipped so much that he'd noticed. I knew I'd slipped and was struggling to get my behavior back in line where it should be. He was the push I needed to say to myself, "this is not acceptable."

It was Saturday when he said he'd noticed my eating had gone off course.

Sunday, I decided to go for a walk, which was 40 minutes long and 1.78 miles. Not bad, since I had not been on a walk in about a month. We had two weeks of really hot weather here that prevented much outside activity, but the other two weeks were all my fault. The walk aggravated my old tendinitis issues in my right hip, but I figure that just means the tendon was under worked and then overworked, so I need to keep it stretched and walking far more regularly.

Today, Monday, I have tracked all of my food and am currently 120 calories under my 1,000 allowed calories (per Nutritionist) and I am about to go for a walk with my mom. That will last at least 40 minutes.

The track and the walking are both "steps" in the right direction. :)

Popcorn, Take 1!

I haven't had popcorn since before my surgery, so at least six months ago. For whatever reason, lately I want it (I blame it on the new job where the breakroom always smells like it). Redenbacher's has a 94% fat free butter popcorn and I bought it tonight.

Since I haven't had it post-op, I didn't want the trial run to be while I was at work. So, I'm testing out whether I can tolerate it now. Wish me luck!

Taste wise, it's a little dry, but it's also not dripping in extra butter like I use to make it. Taste isn't bad. I can taste a hint of butter, which is all I need.

Can't have the best of both worlds with food. I can have a modified version and keep my calorie count in check or I can have it just as I did before along with the weight/health troubles. I'll stick with the first option, TYVM!

Besides, if I can eat and keep it down, there are tons of no cal/low cal powders that can be put on to add flavors. We modify our protein shakes to make them as good as possible. I say, "why not popcorn?!" :P

ETA: I forgot to reveal the results of my pcorn experiment. It stayed down just fine--no pain, funny feelings, vomiting, or anything negative. Now, the problem is that I have to keep my portions to a cup, not all 7.5 in the bag! lol

I remember why I avoid carbs: I love them like a toddler loves sugar!

My honey is recovering from his Thursday tonsillectomy and doesn't find many foods comfortable to eat. He's pretty much living on instant mashed potatoes, popscicles, ice cream and cottage cheese.

I really want him to get past this stage, because I find it beyond hard to resist those potatoes. I absolutely love instant potatoes. Don't know what it is about them, but I adore them. Nummy.

I've kept my portions small when I have stolen some from The Patient, but I want more. It's a massive craving right now. I'm actually writing this as a something to do with my hands instead of raiding the pan of 'tatoes.

My councelor would be thrilled that I took measures to distract myself from having more and my nutritionist would be upset that I had any. Can't please everybody all the time, I guess. :P

On a side note, related only to the tonsillectomy, Travis asked that "Soft Kitty" be sung to him, since he's not feeling well. I agree and sang to him, because I am, in fact, an excellent sorta-wife.

Life's been rather hectic lately. *insert crazy, frazzled face*

Started my new job on Monday. I went from working nights three days a week to five days of daytime 8 hour shifts. Quite a change. Now, I'm trying to come up with a plan for eating on this new schedule.

I have veered off track on my food lately. I know I am eating too much and I am not tracking enough. I don't find that acceptable (and I know Dr. PeopleSkills won't when I see him on Thursday), but I was so overwhelmed by my old job and the upcoming new job. Things just got out of control.

My plan is to test things out for a week or two and see if I can settle into something for an eating schedule. Things are going to be hectic for a bit while I learn to be a "Day Walker". By the end of the two weeks, I want to have a routine down for meal times. Then, I'll really focus on getting my food intake under control and written down. I'm going to keep an eye on the intake anyway, but, as long as I don't binge, I'm not going to make that my main problem to solve just yet. I'm prioritizing, rather than trying to take it all on at one time.

Once I get those two issues rolling, I'm going to work on increasing my exercise. I took a walk today on my lunch break and it felt so good. I will keep that up. Problem is, by the time I get home, I'm really tired. That's due to the new job and flipping nights to days. It will sort out soon. Once it does, I hope to start doing my cardio exercise DVDs, even if only for a few minutes at first. I'm aiming for at least a trial run at the DVDs by the first weekend in July. Gives me time to get some energy back and not enough time to get lazy and "forget" that I'd planned to up my exercise.

Between my new job and my honey's tonsillectomy on Thursday, life's running at a fast and furious clip. That's taxing but, I look at it this way: I am running right along with it, mostly keeping up, which is better than watching it from the couch like I did before.

Downside to losing over 100 pounds very quickly: Skin doesn't retract as fast as the weight loss and loose skin can get caught in stuff. I just pinched my saggy upper arm skin between my high work desk and the arm of my computer chair! Sweet mother, that hurt!

...and it's rather funny to me too. Just another experience I wouldn't have had if life had gone a little differently and I wouldn't have had the surgery.

6 Month Post-Op Appt Ramble

My six month surg-iversary was on Friday, June 15. Yay! :)

Had a visit with my Internal Med guy, Dr. H, for my 6 month follow up. He was happy with my weight loss progress. By his record--which I argue with--I have lost 75 pounds since surgery. I maintain it is 83 pounds! Discrepancies aside, that's still pretty good for a 6 month loss.

My cholesterol and other such important labs were good. I'm to continue as usual with vitamins and eating well.

My thyroid was off (meaning, I'm not getting enough med), but, honestly, that's not surprising. I take that when I take my anxiety med in the morning. I've missed several doses of the anxiety med because it makes me drowsy and I remembered to take it too late. If I did take it late, I'd be very tired and that's hard when working in an emergency room, even as non-patient care staff.

I switch to a regular, 9-5 office job on Monday. At that time, I think I'll be in a better place to schedule pills and meals. Well, I hope so, since that was the whole reason I took the job.

I'm still tired all the time, but that's due to having only 1,000 calories a day (per nutritionist, and just for now) and because I keep missing those anxiety meds. I'm having tired withdrawal symptoms, as Dr. H explained to me at our last appointment.

Per that previous conversation, we opted to move me off of my current anxiety med, Paxil, to a new one (don't remember the name). I take both for the next week and then drop Paxil completely. It will be soooo nice not having that pill add to my constant feeling of tired!

Prior to and after my surgery, no one told me how much weight I should lose in what time frame. I never knew if I was on the right track, going too slow, going too fast, etc. Dr. H actually told me what he expects of me in the next six months. I'm happy about that. I like having a goal/plan.

He said that my weight loss will slow, which it already has, now that I am further away from my surgery and getting more calories than I was initially. He said walking is excellent, but my metabolism is going to need a boost at this point, so I should do some cardio exercise 2x a week.

Also, he said that another 75 (83!) pound loss by the one-year surg-iversary is not expected, nor a healthy goal. He feels a 25 pound loss in that time frame (6 more months) would be safe and attainable. That's approximately 1 pound a week. I plan to try to do 2 pounds a week, but, over all, I'm going to be happy as long as I make the 25 lb mark. Anything greater is a bonus!

"Maybe the most any of us can expect of ourselves isn't perfection but progress." ~ Michelle Burford

So far, my car has broken down and I accidentally sliced off part of my left pinky fingernail while shaving my legs (my lack of coordination is legendary). I'm kind of afraid to touch or do anything today for fear of what else might happen.

On a happier note, I am just two days away from my six month post op surg-iversary! Goodness, six months sounds so much longer than it has felt.

I'm still learning about myself emotionally, how to handle my Frankensteined system, and discovering long hidden body parts (guess what! I found a collar bone the other day and felt a hip bone last week!). I think most of that will be a life long process and I welcome it. Bet life gets boring if you figure it all out.

Six months ago, I wouldn't have even imagined that, today, I would be less than two weeks from starting a new job--and a daytime job at that. I wouldn't have had any idea that I would lose 83 pounds between then and now. Finally, surprise!, I can--and enjoy--walking two miles, when I hated walking to the mail box six months ago.

Life really is a roller coaster. Who knows what is around the next bend? I'm looking forward to finding out when I get there.

You may or may not remember that I have a less than wonderful relationship with my dad. He's been absent for most of my life and, when he is around, he has moments of massive tactlessness, both alcohol related and non-alcohol related.

We played phone tag early this year for a bit. I eventually decided to call my effort "good enough" and gave up. I wasn't upset that we hadn't connected, truthfully.

Well, that changed on Sunday.

My mom asked me to come pick her up from the VFW that her boyfriend goes to. She was leaving her vehicle with him to have it fixed, so she needed a ride home.

I know my dad goes to that same VFW, so I jokingly said to her on the phone, "is Dad going to be there? Can we get a warning system in place, just in case?" Stupid me, I jinxed myself!

I walked in the building and there was my dad. It was the first time I have been face-to-face with him in about 7 years. Yippee.

Okay, it could have been so much worse, I'll admit it. Since I didn't know he was going to be there, there was no build up of dread about how awkward it was going to be. He wasn't drunk, though working his way there. Also, I had my mom there as a buffer.

Before I arrived, Dad must have asked my mom about me and what I've been up to. From what I heard when I walked in, it was obvious that she'd just told him about my GBP surgery.

That actually surprised me, because I thought that her boyfriend, who is now a friend of my dad's, would have told him before. Mom's boyfriend came to see me in the hospital, for goodness sakes. I know he and Dad talk about me occasionally because that's when Dad whines that I don't ever call him and Mom's boyfriend nags me about it.

Dad asked me questions about my life and about my surgery. He did say he was proud of me for making the decision. Thumbs up to him for such a statement. Of course, he also asked me in the middle of a tavern what my highest weight was. He's had several wives. He should know better than to ask a woman that, in public no less! lol He followed it up with saying that, if I am lucky, I'll lose as much as he did...totally serious, while patting his big beer belly. <--God had a sense of humor when He chose my father.

Mom had to leave to go pack for a business trip, so we didn't stay more than a half hour or 45 minutes. That suited me fine. Kept the visit with Dad short, minimizing weirdness.

No doubt, he'll redouble his efforts to get together with my S.O. and me for dinner now. I'm okay with that though, because there won't have been a 7 year gap since I'd seen him last. The longer I go without seeing him, the weirder it is to interact with him.

In other news...

I broke my plateau! I weighed myself on Thursday night and showed a 0.8 lb loss, but I didn't really feel that was breaking anything, since I can gain that by drinking a liter of water. However, I weighed myself tonight and I have lost 4.2 more pounds.

That puts my current weight at 214.3 pounds. Appox 83 pounds lost since my surgery on December 15, 2011, and a grand total of about 103 pounds lost since April 2011. That's right, I hit the 100 pound loss mark!!

Funny enough, I didn't even realize that until a friend on MFP pointed it out. I was more focused on the fact that I finally started losing weight--any weight--again.

I wonder if I weigh less than my S.O. yet on our scale. . . I'll have to find out.

The Panty Problem that isn't a Problem

As I've whined about several times, I haven't lost weight in nearly three weeks.

Even though I'm upset by the plateau, I have kept to walking 30 - 45 minutes a few times a week, plus some 15 minute walks during my breaks at work. Well, obviously my body is changing, even if my weight isn't. I should have been doing my measurements and I wouldn't have been so upset about the stalled weight (maybe I would have anyway, since my anxiety was so high).

Travis frequently grabs my backside and says, "yep, getting smaller and rounder!" So, that's one confirmation of the physical changes. Now, today, my underwear keep sliding down my butt under my scrub pants! I look like a fool because I keep having to pull them back up. I look even more like a fool because I have a big, stupid grin on my face.

This means a few things:

1) I need new, smaller undies

2) I need suspenders for my undies until the new ones can be purchased. (isn't that a sexy picture?!)

3) I will keep up my walking.

I currently weigh 219.3 pounds. At 5' 2", that puts my body mass index at 40.1. At 40, I will be considered just regular ol' "obese" instead of "morbidly obese".

Wouldn't you know it, my weight has stalled for the last three weeks. *laugh* I've been stuck just over in Morbidly Obese Land by 0.1. This girl can't catch a break, I swear!

My head is in a somewhat better place than it was when I posted the other day. I had the holiday weekend off of work and enjoyed our annual extended family picnic. Got some sun, played with babies, lost at cards, and chatted with great people. That picnic did wonderful things for my stress level.

I am still struggling with being tired and I still have some really negative thoughts, but it's better than it was and every day is a new day. Once in that mindset, it takes time to fully get back out.

I have a little more perspective, which I really wasn't able to get the other day. I knew a major part of my problem was that I was unable to back up out of the middle of the storm in my head that was overwhelming me and get a good view of what was really going on. Some days are just like that, though, thankfully, not many.

Now, I'm able to see the issues and break them down into more manageable parts, instead of just seeing this huge thing that I somehow needed to deal with.

A glimpse inside my head right now:

I have high anxiety. Yesterday, I had a panic attack. I haven't had one in several years. Thankfully, this one was pretty small--I had a short fit of sobbing, my heart kept racing, and, according to my SO, my eyes were big like a scared animal. To keep from freaking out any more, I took a Lorazepam, curled up in my recliner, cuddled with a cat, and listened to some relaxing classical music on my iPod. Eventually, I fell asleep and woke feeling much calmer.

Last month, I was considering going off my anxiety meds, because I felt so good. This month is so much different. The stress from deciding whether to take the new job is probably a good part of my issues. I was pretty worked up over that. Plus, as my weight decreases, my thyroid medication may need to be lowered. That pill revs up my system. If it's too high, it could be over-amping my anxiety as a side effect.

One moment, I'm fine and the next I'm super stressed out about...well, nothing... and everything. I feel like something bad is going to happen, but I have no idea what. If that lasts a while, then my brain finds other things to stress on.

Two days ago, I was fine with not losing weight. I've been at a stand-still for a couple weeks, but I'm still exercising and changing my shape. Today, I'm depressed about it.

I've lost 97 lbs. I've had a pretty good self image for a while, liking my emerging body. As my anxiety increases, that changes. Right now, I feel big and self conscious. I feel like I'll never get to my goal and this is always going to be a big struggle.

I'm usually very good about throwing off a mood or a funk. I really do push to keep a positive attitude. This one is just giving me a hard time. Being tired all the time doesn't help, but I'm working on that (reasonable amount of sleep, new job, etc.)

I see Dr. Hal, my Internal Med doc and general overseer of my post-op health, in less than a month. At that time, I'll discuss this with him if it is still an issue. Until then, I'm going to try to get out of my head more--keep busy, do things that keep me distracted.

As of yesterday afternoon, I have a new job. I accepted that new position I was offered.

I am taking the financial hit, because I decided that my burn out rate was just too high at my current job. Once my mental health is balanced again, if I need more money, I could get a part time job for a couple nights at the beginning of the week.

The new job will allow me to schedule my meds and vitamins, my meals, and my exercising without having to account for flopping from being awake at night to being awake during the day and then back. For my post-op health, this will be great. There's just too much that needs to be planned ahead now and it is too hard to do with a rotating schedule. Plus, I might even eventually have the time and energy to see friends again!

I still have another month at my current position. An email was sent out to the department welcoming me to my new position and stating my switch date was June 25. I'd bet the delay is so that I can help train my replacement.

Okay, I'm vain. I admit it: I want my hair to look good.

Naturally, I am dark blond. Thanks to my good friend Performing Preference, I am generally some shade of red. My skin is super pale, I'm very freckled, and I am green eyed. Why not go red? Most people are surprised to find out my natural color and I've found Reds have more fun anyway. That saying about blonds is bullshit.

Since my hair started falling out a month and a half ago, I have held off on dying my hair. Didn't want to add stress to those follicles. When the Great Fallout began, I'd already been in need of a dye job, but I'd been putting it off because I was lazy.

Thanks to my B Complex vitamin, the loss seems to be minimal lately. My roots, on the other hand, were excessive and the rest of my hair was dull and ugly. So, I dyed it today.

The box was "True Red" or something of the kind, but it came out a light red. I can deal with that. Usually, the first week after dying, my hair is "Ridiculous Red" until it fades to a more natural color. We'll just skip the overly red phase this time.

Whenever I color my hair, even pre-op, I had breakage and some loss. Putting chemicals on hair does that. So, I'm not surprised that there was some today too.

Should I have dyed my hair when it was still falling out from my surgery? Probably not, but I felt so drab. I haven't lost weight in a couple weeks and my hair looked like shit. I wanted to make something better. I could fix my hair.

If I lose more hair, well, I guess what's left will be a pretty color.

In a related, yet not, story: When my mom was pregnant with me, she told people (jokingly!) that if I came out with red hair, she wasn't going to take me home. Guess what color my hair was upon my birth? Yup, I was a red head. She took me home anyway. I was, and am, just that damn cute.

Look at me, getting all quiet for a while! Who knew I could be quiet, let alone for nearly two weeks.

Several things come to mind to talk about:


I've been eating beyond my 1,000 cal limit for a few days. I'm usually very careful about keeping under or close to 900 calories a day. Lately, I've just wanted to eat. Could be hormonal. Could be that I didn't have the proper foods in house, so I subconsciously decided to eat whatever I wanted. Could be these are all just excuses. ;)

My work schedule leaves me especially tired, both physically and emotionally. It's hard to get any sort of structure in one's life when working different days of the week all the time.

I decided that a daytime, Monday to Friday job would be beneficial in dealing with my need for a routine and helping me feel less tired all the time. Luckily, there was a posting for a different job in my same department (different facility), so I applied.

I interviewed, which I think went well, and received a voicemail on Thursday saying that HR wanted to talk to me about the position. Sounds promising, right? It was beyond business hours when the person left the voicemail and I didn't get it until even later, so I called back on Friday at 2 PM (the earliest I could drag my butt out of bed. I was tired, like I said). She didn't answer, so I left a voicemail and then I called back at 3 PM with the same result. The person in HR didn't get back to me by the end of the business day on Friday, leaving this drawn out until sometime Monday.

While the idea of a new job with structure sounds great, I'm so very torn over it. There are several pros and cons and I cannot figure out which way to go. One severe con is a loss of a few thousand dollars in income yearly if they do not offer me a raise with the new position. Is getting a structured schedule, which will help me with my post op life--pills, meals, exercise--worth the added financial stress? I just can't decide. I've been thinking about this since I interviewed a week ago and still haven't come to a decision.

I've found that a good B Complex vitamin seems to be helping with hair loss. When I take it faithfully, the loss seems less. If I skip for a week, I start to lose more. This is pretty awesome to know. "Knowledge is power," and all that.

My current pill is not a chewable, but it's a small tablet, no larger than a Tylenol pill. At first, I was concerned that it would cause an intestinal blockage or something, as the doctors drill that possibility into pre-op minds, but I'm sure I've accidentally swallowed a piece of food larger than that without issue (remember: chew, chew, chew your food!).

My weight has been stalled lately. I heard somewhere that it usually happens around 3 months that, due to stress on the body, the system hords weight for a bit. I'm at 5 months and it's just now happening. I'm a late bloomer, I guess.

Other than keeping me 3 lbs from hitting the 100 lb loss mark, I'm not too upset. I'm trying to keep my activity up on my days off and walk during my breaks when I do work. I've had a few people say that I look like I've lost more weight and that really makes me think that I must be gaining muscle and losing fat. Though my weight is stuck, I'm sure my measurements are changing. That is okay by me.

Plus, someone stopped today and said, "anybody told you that you're looking sexy lately?" LOL Who can argue with a question like that?!

I'm learning to like walking a lot. It's fun to see how fast I can go or how far I'll make it. Such a change from a year ago.

The problem now is that I get bored with my music pretty quickly and I use music as a way to distract myself so I keep going. Obviously, it's not good that my music is boring me if I want to keep moving.

While searching for more/new music, I had a thought: "what about audio books?" An ongoing story, if it's good and narrated well, would continually change, so I wouldn't get bored as easily. I could focus on the story, because, really, all I have to concentrate on while walking is putting one foot in front of the other.

I decided this idea had merit, so I joined Audible for only $8 a month for 3 months (jacks up to $15 a month after that). That gives me 1 credit (1 book) per month and a discount on others if I want to buy more. If it doesn't work out, I cancel my subscription. I figured I've spent far more than $8 on something that I hated before. This is a cheap enough risk.

After joining, I couldn't decide on a book. Too much pressure. What if I pick one that's poorly narrated and waste my one credit?! Also, I normally read some really trashy books (yep, like me some smut--especially vampire smut), but the idea of listening to some person read my smutty book to me made me blush. Eventually, I decided on the next book in a (less trashy) vampire series that I'd previously been really into--Night Huntress Series, book 4, by Jeaniene Frost.

Thanks to work and weather, I had to wait to go for a walk outside. Finally, I was able to get out yesterday and test out the audio book/walking idea. It went great!

I ended up walking about 1.3 miles. It took me 45 minutes because I wasn't in a hurry. The narrator took a little getting use to, but, eventually, I was pulled into the story and forgot that someone was reading it to me. In that 45 minutes, I made it through nearly two chapters. That means this book will last me SEVERAL walks, making it well worth my $8. :)

People think that WLS is easy because you can't eat as much. Ah, no, that isn't the case. I can over eat. Tonight, I did just that and I am suffering.

That's the difference between non-surgery and surgery. Before my surgery, if I ate more than what I should, I may have just felt guilty or I may not have if I was mindlessly eating. Post-op, over eating is physically painful and not for just a half hour or something. No, it can hurt for HOURS. I feel like there's a heavy, large rock in upper abdomen (my new, little stomach).

There are three options for what my body will do with the food if there's too much in my stomach: 1) I may suddenly vomit. 2) I may suddenly have a bout of diarrhea**. 3) It will ever so slowly process the food, only allowing a little out of my over-full stomach at a time, prolonging my suffering.

Seems like #3 is going to be tonight's option, though I do keep getting hit with a little nausea.

I know why over ate and knowing triggers is part of preventing future issues, right? My problem was that I'd been so busy tonight at work that, when I finally got to eat, I was still racing. I ate too fast and there wasn't enough time for my stomach to tell my brain I was full before I too much.

I'm usually pretty good about not over eating, but it happens. When it does, my only option is to wait. So, that's what I'm going to do: wait to feel better.


**It was not intentional to make a sentence about diarrhea number two in my list, but still funny in a "I'm mentally a 12 year old" kind of way.

It's 9:30 in the morning and I've already gone on two walks totalling 50 minutes. Dr. PeopleSkills is never impressed, so he would say I didn't do enough. He wants me to walk an *hour* a day, not 50 minutes. heh-heh.

My nutritionist gave me the okay to eat raw veggies! I'm so excited! It gets hard eating pretty much just protein every day. I like variety.

I've been craving a salad since my surgery four and a half months ago. So, that's what I had tonight--cottage cheese, lettuce, grape tomatoes, alfalfa sprouts, and Kraft Zesty Italian Lite dressing. Yum! The cool part was that the whole salad, including the cottage cheese and dressing came to 51 calories (I eat small. lol).

The Nutritionist reviewed a few days worth of my food diaries and told me I'm doing great. She approves of what I'm eating completely. That was a relief, because I always worry about that.

She said I should continue as I am, though I can go as high as 1000 calories a day, instead of 800. I'm going to try to stick to 900 or less for now though. I can also have up to 6 oz at a time, instead of 4 oz. I think I'll play that by ear, depending on what I am eating and it's nutritional content.

In all, it was a great visit. I'm very happy with the outcome.

I've had Ibuprofen and caffeine tonight. I am going to Gastric Bypass Hell for breaking several Commandments, but I'd do it again!




When I was a little girl, I would get migraines that would make me dizzy. They're called ocular migraines, meaning symptoms effect the eyes (black spots, partial loss of vision, or, in my case, motion sickness/dizziness.). The feeling of being dizzy was sometimes so strong that I couldn't walk across a room. To rise from a sitting position to standing would send my head spinning. Mostly, I could sit still and not feel like the Earth was going to buck me off, but not always. Any of these activities, at any given moment, could make me so dizzy that I would vomit violently.




I've mostly grown out of having this type of migraine, but I was gifted with one tonight.




I'm constantly slightly dizzy, but I get hit with strong waves of it too from time to time. I'm at work, so I can't just sleep it off. I tried calling my supervisor so I could go home, but she wouldn't answer the phone. As a last resort, I've had a couple tablets of Ibu (not my first choice, but a girl has to take what she can get her hands on), and, when that didn't work, I tried a cup of black tea, which has caffeine.




Pain relievers and caffeine are big no-nos in my bariatric surgery program. From Day One, it's drilled in that pain relievers and caffeine can create ulcers in the "new" stomach. Well, I had 4 oz of yogurt with my Ibu to protect my stomach and I seriously doubt my first half cup of anything containing caffeine since my surgery is going to wreck anything.




Truthfully, the caffeine and Ibu didn't help. I'd do it again though if there was a possibility of it helping. I'll abstain most days, but a migraine is the exception.

Holy Bouncing Baywatch Boobs, Batman!

I bought a new swim suit. It's a cheap one from Walmart (whopping $15), but still pretty cute.

I think my old one was a 22/24 and it just wasn't keeping things stable when I was jogging in the water. The skin on my stomach is loose and, when I jog, I've found that my stomach moves up and down, launching my chest up and down with it. While I'm not stacked like Dolly Pardon or anything, it's a little more chest movement than I am comfortable with. The water I work out in is about chest high, so my boobs were bouncing in and out of the water. I felt like it was an awkward, plus-size Baywatch moment.

The new one is an 18/20 and, when I was jogging in the water today, it seem to hold my stomach a little tighter. Things didn't move as much.


When I tried on the suit the other day, I modeled for myself in the bathroom mirror. One thing I've noticed is that my butt is rounder. It use to be big, but flat. Does that make sense?

I'm not sure if it is just fat loss or partly because I'm more active, creating better muscle tone. Either way, I'm a fan.


On the subject of clothes...

I put on one of my Honey's sweat shirts and it fit! I only tried on one, because, when the first try is a success, why ruin it with another try?

Pics down nearly 70 lbs post-op

I'm bored and tired. Let's update pics!

These were taken over the weekend, about 4 months post-op. When I weighed in on Monday, I was at 227.5 lbs. That's a post-op loss of 69.5(!) and a total loss of 89.5 lbs! I'm pretty happy with the results so far.


In the face picture, I think I look a little drunk. It's my eyes. I can tell you the problem (and it wasn't Schnapps): I didn't have my glasses on and I'm so blind without them. Everything was fuzzy and I couldn't focus. The camera kept putting a huge glare in the lenses when I'd take a picture with my glasses on.

I posted pics about a month ago with comparisons to pictures from just after my surgery, if you'd like to see the difference.

So. very. tired.

I am planning to call my Internal Medicine doc tomorrow, because I'm just so darn tired all the time. I am worried that I may be anemic.

I had an appointment with him about a month ago--my first one post-op--and I thought he did some iron test, but I think it was a certain kind of iron. I'm going to ask him if he can run a general iron test and maybe some other tests that my explain why I am so tired.

I can sleep 8 hours, wake up for two, and sleep another 8 hours. Little things wipe me out very quickly. Today, for example, after getting a full night's rest, I got up, got ready, and drove 10 miles to visit with an acquaintance for an hour or so. We just sat at her kitchen table and talked. By the time I got home, I'd lost all my energy and could have easily gone to sleep.

This constant tiredness is wearing on my mental state also. I'm very discontent in my work as of late, feeling burned out on my schedule. It makes me quick to be irritated with people too, which is not something I am comfortable with.

Hopefully, Dr. Hal can figure something out. I'm a fan of sleep, but only when it's refreshing.


ETA:
Saw Dr. Hal today and he ran some more blood tests, which came back without any abnormalities. He figures my fatigue is a withdrawal symptom from lowering my Paxil dose from 20 mg to 10 mg.

He said that they've found that Paxil is very hard to get off of due to withdrawal symptoms like I'm experiencing (fatigue, feelings of malcontent, etc.). They generally end up putting the patient on another anxiety/depression med first and ween them off the Paxil.

The plan is to double my dose again, putting me back at 20 mgs. When I see him in 2 months (my 6 month post-op appt), if I still want off Paxil, we can look into adding that other med and slowly getting me off my original pill. By then, my body will be better healed from the surgery and I can better assess whether I even need an anxiety med anymore.

He believes that doubling my dose will help with my mood and energy.

5 AM and no calories left!

I've been so food obsessive today that I only have enough calories to have my two protein shakes between now and midnight tonight! It's five o'clock in the morning.

I'll actually be over 40 calories if that's all I have the rest of today, but I'll still be short on protein. Grrr!

If I were allowed more than 800 calories a day, what I ate wouldn't be so bad:
1/2 cup of cream corn
2.25 oz of tuna salad with lite mayo
1 serving of 13 Wheat Thins Fiber Select crackers
1 medium banana
1 tbsp Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter

So, my options are: A) be short on protein and only slightly over on calories (and be convinced I'll starve by the time midnight rolls around), or B) eat something high in protein tonight and increase the number of calories I'm over my allowed 800 per day.

I think I'll try to go with just the shakes after I wake up for work tonight, but I'll plan ahead and bring food in case I feel really hungry.



The root of the problem was several instances of poor planning and boredom.

1. I didn't bring food to my mom's place when I was doing laundry, so I had to search through her cupboards to find something within my food limits when I was really hungry around 1:30 AM. That lead to the cream corn.
2. I was home around 3 AM and was hungry again, so I had the tuna salad and too many Wheat Thins. <--I chose not to count out how many I wanted to eat and ended up having a full serving, instead of half. 3. Around 4:30 AM, there was a banana I found on the counter just about to go bad and oh how I love bananas and peanut butter. Well, I couldn't let that banana go bad! Being bored aided the decision to eat the 100 calorie banana and 100 calories tbsp of peanut butter--together, those two items are 25% of my daily calories. 4. Finally, I hadn't plugged my two required shakes into my food diary yet, so I didn't realize how few calories I had left for my meals. All preventable issues. I'm annoyed and frustrated with myself, but I'm going to look at this as a flub. I messed up and it will make me vigilant of my calorie usage in the future. These things happen and berating myself isn't going to fix anything. Learn and move forward, that's what I try to do. ETA:
It's 8:15 PM and I'm doing okay on just the shakes (so far). I have a string cheese in my lunch bag if things get dire--you know, like I begin to feel as if I could gnaw someone's arm off because I'm so hungry. I work in a hospital with sick people. I don't want to be gnawing on anybody here. Eeew!

I have nothing to do tonight at work other than wait for patients. All my other jobs are done, so I figure now's a good time to do an update...

I've officially lost 86.2 lbs, weighing in at 230.8 lbs! Also, I bought new scrubs in XL, thinking they'd be slightly too small yet, but I'd have them ready for the time they'd fit. Turns out, they already fit and I look fabulous. I'm wearing them tonight.

When I tried them on last night and I realized that I'm down to an XL from a 4XL (nearly a 5XL), I did an honest to goodness happy-dance. There was some major booty shaking.

Least favorite subject

One of the few subjects that I loathe to discuss is bowel movements and the resulting product. Plainly stated: I hate poop-talk. Sorry, can't stand it.

However, I'm a grown up, so sometimes it needs to be done. <---another reason why being an adult is overrated, in my opinion. At post op appointments, everyone, from the surgeon to the nutritionist, is interested in bowel movements--"how often?" "any constipation?"

Why am I posting about a subject I dislike? Because I had to break down and buy fiber tablets today. It's a common post-op reality.

The post op diet, at least the stage I am at, is focused primarily on getting protein in. All that protein-heavy food takes away space from fiber-rich foods. Plus, I'm not yet okayed to eat raw veggies, so that's another source I cannot access. Most days, I get between 4 and 7 grams. On a really good day, when I've been able to have a can of V8, I can get in around 10 grams of fiber. I should get AT LEAST twice that for optimum "regularity".

Truthfully, I'm tired of feeling bloated and digestively unhappy--unhappy enough to write about it! So, I decided to buck up and buy Fiber Choice sugar-free fiber tablets.

I've been good about taking my vitamins and prescribed pills lately. Now that I have a handle on those, a couple extra pills a day shouldn't mess me up...hopefully.

I have a hideous track record when it comes to consistently taking my pills. But, I'm growing as a person, as my body shrinks up. I'm more mindful of what needs to be done in my life and I'm doing a pretty good job of getting most of those things accomplished or, at least, started.

A Tale From A Post-Op, Novice Cook

Splenda. I'm not a great fan, but it'll do in a pinch (like when it's free at work and I need a sweetener). Tonight, the pinch was my royally silly attempt at reducing the spicy-factor of the chili I made and brought for dinner.

A coworker told me to use sugar to reduce the spiciness. I can't have sugar. We debated back and forth about whether Splenda would work. Finally, I decided to throw caution to the wind, since it was a whopping 3.5 oz container of chili that I had in the fridge, so it wouldn't be a huge loss.

The result? A very sweet, slightly less spicy bowl of "eh". It wasn't great. It wasn't horrible. It was just an amusing example of the strange things we Healthy Journey-ists (WLSers and non, alike) will do to have good taste and stay on track

Fatigue, my constant companion

Couple things going on for me:

1) I'm really tired all the time. I'm generally sleeping between 9 hours when I work and even more on my days off. I've lost 60+ pounds in three and a half months. I expect that to wear me down a little. If my body is stressed or improperly nourished enough to make me lose hair, that'll add to my fatigue, as will the fact that I had my period for three or more weeks (potential for anemia).

Travis gives me a hard time occasionally about me sleeping so much, but I just don't think he gets it. He's just noticing that, when he's awake and wanting to do something, I'm sleeping or tired and moody. If I'm still super tired in a couple weeks and he's still frustrated by my sleeping, we'll have to talk it out. I'm not terribly worried about that part.

2) My dad's 69th birthday is tomorrow (April 4). That means I have to stop dodging his calls and make actual contact.

As I mentioned in January, Dad and I don't have a great relationship. Being only 12, 13, or 14 years old and yet the more mature one in the relationship wore down my patience for him. Having him question whether I was truthful when I said I loved him at the end of a phone conversation a couple years ago was my breaking point, making me not want to deal with him at all.

Unfortunately, my mom's boyfriend is like a nagging little birdy, reminding me that my dad wants to talk to me and telling me how Dad has changed for the better**. So, on the off chance that Mom's boyfriend is right, I suppose I need to put on my big girl panties and try talking to Dad again. Wishing him a happy birthday is probably a good place to start.

Gosh! I have to pay bills, go to appointments, work hard, take all my pills, AND deal with my Dad. Being a grown up is such a pain in my saggy butt. ;)



**I still wish someone would tell me who gave them permission to be friends now. lol What happened?!

At a loss--hair loss!

There's no more denying it: I'm into the hair-loss phase and I'm not happy about it!

Over the last week, I've begun to have more hair left on my hair-bobs when I take them out. Today, I was brushing my hair after my shower and there was SO much that came out. :(

This is a pretty common thing for weight loss surgery patients, because we have two big stressers: a major surgery and fast weight loss. Both created lots of stress on our bodies. Plus, hair is all protein. If protein is needed elsewhere in the body, it'll be diverted from going to a non-essential area, like hair, and directed to muscles and such. This may be common in WLS patients, but I not like it!

Hair loss can also be an issue malnourishment--maybe not getting enough of a certain vitamin or maybe the protein intake is really that low.

If the hair loss is due to stressers, there's nothing I can do and the loss will resolve itself eventually (hopefully before I look like Mrs. Clean!). However, if it's a nourishment issue, I could do something. Since I don't know which is the problem, I'm going to treat the one I can.

First, I've increased my protein to at least 80 grams per day, which is up from 60 recommending by my Nutritionist. That reduces my ability to take in veggies (little tummies only hold so much), but I can drink V8 if need be to get that in. Secondly, I'm being diligent about my vitamins. I have struggled with those pills and the crazy scheduling I have to do to get them all in, but the time has come to give it my best effort. Third, I lightly massage my scalp twice a day to increase blood flow, which can aid growth. Hopefully, the combination of these three will make a difference.

I feel petty for freaking out about this, but I like my hair, damn it!

Changing sizes, changing style

I bought a size 20 pair of jeans from Fashion Bug's online store, figuring that, if they were still too small, they wouldn't be for long. I knew I was getting close to a 20, but not sure if I was quite there yet. Previously, I bought jeans that fit well and a week later they started to be too big, so I

So, the jeans arrived. I can squeeze my butt into them! It's tight, but not unbearable.

I wear a size 20! *happy dance* This time last year, I was wearing a 30.


I'm little flashier in my appearance and willing to wear clothes that may be a little smaller, rather than defaulting to muted and too big to hide my body. I'm still far into the obese BMIs(mine is currently 44.4 and the high end of the overweight BMI is 29.9), but still more comfortable with my body than I use to be. It's very obvious to me now that those clothes that were too big were just making me look bigger--they hid nothing.

I can see the flashiness showing in my new earring obsession. I had to buy a new jewelry holder today to handle my mass of acquired earrings. Also, I have a lot more bright, bold hair accessories (flower clips, etc.). My shirts are colors beyond darker shades of blue. My work scrubs are slimmer fitting and bold patters. I wear make up often now. It all adds up because I'm more confident and that confidence shows in my outward appearance.

I even posted on facebook for my friends to tell me if they're planning a party this summer so I have an excuse to buy a cute new dress. Trust me, dresses were not something I liked to wear before. My big arms and big calves were on display in a dress and, therefore, I wasn't wearing one. My arms are still big now (mostly, it's looser skin) and my calves are still kind of big, but I don't care. I know I look and feel so much better than I did before and I want to wear something as cute as I am, damn it! :D

Taking control of my life a year ago by making the decision to have bariatric surgery and to be mindful of my eating habits has translated into mindful living. I may have to plan and track a lot of my life, but it also makes me notice other parts, just like what I've described above. Mindful living has had a positive impact in all aspects of my life and I'm grateful for that.

What a difference a year makes!

I'm a day early, but we're going to call it close enough: One year ago, I met with my primary care provider (my PCP) to discuss being referred to a bariatric surgeon. So much has happened since then. In no particular order, here's a sampling of my last year:


**Went to (if I remember right) 26 pre-op appointments: 11 group therapies, 2 individual therapy appts, 1 exercise physiologist appt, 2 neuropsychologist appts, 4 surgeon appts, 4 nutritionist appts, 2 internal medicine appts

**Gone to 6 post-op appointments so far: 3 surgeon appts, 2 nutritionist appts, 1 group therapy

**Survived multiple Christmas celebrations while eating only a couple ounces of pureed foods.

**Have lost 60 pounds, post-op.

**Found that learning to eat post-op was a full time job for the first couple weeks.

**Allowed my picture to be taken.

**Bought a pedometer.

**Wore dresses, by my choice.

**Stayed in the hospital for five days and four nights, which was the first hospital stay since I was a toddler.

**Began swimming again and I love it.

**Joined a gym.

**Tried an exercise video.

**Involuntarily vomited after eating.

**Learned to listen to my body about whether it's hungry, how hungry it really is, and, if it's not hungry, why my brain wants me to eat.

**Started a blog.

**Considered taking a trip that involved a plane...and those dreaded plane seats.

**Had a barium swallow (bring a toothbrush and paste if you're going to have one!)

**Had my stomach tickled from the inside.

**Wore a size 30, 28, 26, 24, and 22.

**Found that people think that what I write is interesting.

**Received my first stitch.

**Lost 28 lbs, pre-op, by tracking what I was eating and making modifications.

**Gained 8 lbs of those pre-op pounds back (before surgery).

**Began making conscious food choices, instead of mindless choices.

**Smiled more.

**Had a serious case of cabin fever.

**My tummy turned purple, like a blueberry, from Heprin bruises.

**Lost 28 lbs, pre-op, by tracking what I was eating and making modifications.

**Amazed myself with my new-found ambition.

**Started walking.

**Walked more than 11,000 steps in a day.

**Nearly got rid of all my asthma issues.

**Stopped squeaking when I sleep.

**Realized that struggles don't have to be a totally private fight.

**Made some great friends.

**Tucked my shirt in without cringing at the view in the mirror.

**Had less back pain.

**Picked up heavy things that I would have had Travis take care of in the past.

**Learned how to cook a little.

**Moved my body more.

**Crossed my legs without realizing it.

**Loaded up tons of clothes that are too big.

**Enjoyed food without inhaling it.

**Realized that I do, in fact, have a collar bone.

**Found out that it's very hard to find an adult liquid pain reliever.

**Admitted that it was hard to give up my "big" clothes, because I'm afraid I'll gain the weight back.

**Took 3 months and 60 pounds, post op, for ME to truly be able to see the lost weight, but it has finally happened.

**Began drawing again.

**Bought an iPod for working out and walking.

**Physical movements became easier.

**My feet became skinnier.

**Had to give up wearing my engagement ring, when it became way too big.

**Lost a good portion of my double chin.

Walking doesn't suck. Who knew?

Last week, I bought a Fitbit. It's a pedometer that tracks steps, flights of stairs, your activity level by the minute, and your sleep quality. It's quite the little contraption.

I purchased it because I needed something to challenge myself with and to help me change my old attitude toward walking. I'm not competitive with out people, because I've never been at a fitness level where it was even possible to consider being able to beat someone athletically, but I can be very competitive with myself. With the Fitbit, each day, I try to walk just a little further or go up another flight of steps.

Yesterday, I had an excellent day, exercise/walking-wise.

I didn't get up until noon-ish and sat on my butt until about 4 PM. Then, I drug my fiance to the local park and we walked quite a ways (for us, anyway), looking at the animals. Travis actually wanted to turn and head back to the car before I did. That's never happened before!! Between walking and gawking at the animals, I'd say we were out about an hour.

Then, I headed to Mom's to do laundry--yep, I'm 32 and still do laundry at my moms. :P While her clothes were finishing, before mine went in, we decided to go for a short walk. The walk probably took 20-25 minutes. There was 30 minutes left on the dryer load when we left and it wasn't quite finished when we arrived back at the house.

Keeping in mind that, between the time I woke up and when I left for the park I probably had less than 1,000 steps in, I'd say hitting over 10,000 steps was an excellent achievement! My total distance was 10,582 steps by midnight, which equals 4.01 miles with my stride length. At least 2.5 would have been from walking with Travis and Mom.

That's the most steps I've had in a day since buying my Fitbit. The fact I don't hurt from all the walking shows me how far I've come with getting fit and that I could have gone further. I'm tired, because that's more exercise than I normally get in a day, but it certainly wasn't my limit.

Prior to my weight loss, walking was painful, boring, and hard to do for more than a short while. Unfortunately, I have had a hard time losing that opinion since losing nearly 80 pounds. It's no longer hard or painful. Yeah, if I'm alone, it's still boring, but that's where my iPod comes in, right?

Right now, I'm excited about how far I walked and how easy it was. In a couple days, I may fall back into that old attitude. I felt that way for so long that it creeps back in and erases that enthusiasm easily.

Maybe that should be my self-assigned homework to work on getting rid of the old, hateful attitude toward walking and exercise. Exercise and walk often enough that the enthusiasm doesn't have time to be erased.

Depo Difficulties

The day after tomorrow (March 24), I am due to get my next birth control shot. I'm a little torn on how excited I am about this.

On the plus side, it will hopefully FINALLY stop my period. This is my third shot. One would hope that, after three, the beast would be tamed.

I'm on week number two, right now, of having my period (not just spotting!) while on a birth control that is famous for getting rid of a woman's period. I'm so beyond special. I'm praying this next shot makes me a little less special. Sometimes, it's good to be average. :)

On the negative side, for a week after I get it, I will want to eat everything in sight, whether I'm hungry or not.

Lately, I've been fighting the compulsion to eat anyway. I'll admit I've been over my calories a few times this last week. I haven't eaten bad things, just too often. That's though to fight without the BC shot egging me on. But, I've found that these cravings or compulsions come and go. I'll just have to get my self psyched up to fight them. It so nice out that I'll have to make myself go for a walk or something.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, right? So, I'm planning to keep active in some way shape or form. I'll walk, I have a new Wii exercise game that I can play (though I'm a little scared after I hurt my shoulder playing Wii tennis. Sad, right? LOL), and I have my Kindle loaded with good books. My new motto should be "Do."

Photos: 77 lbs lost

I haven't updated pictures in a while. Let's fix that!

The left pic is just 16 days after my surgery at approx 273 lbs. The right pic was about two months
after surgery and I was at around 253 lbs.



This was taken on Monday. Ignore the ugly hair, please. I'm down 77 lbs, weighing 239.4 lbs. I still have elbow blub, but I've always had big arms so that'll take a while to shrink up. Did you notice, though...I have something of a waist! Kinda excited about that.

3 months post-op and life's good

Been a good few days...

Thursday, March 15th, was my 3 month surg-iversary. Still no complications, I'm losing weight, and feeling good.

Friday, March 16th, I saw Dr. PeopleSkills for another post-op check up. Must have beed a Stepford or Pod version of him, because he didn't once call me or my stomach "big" and he said I was doing great. Yes, he said something positive! I like Pod Dr. PeopleSkills. :)

Also, Friday night, my mom and I went to see Bill Engvall, the comedian, at Eau Claire's State Theater. Very funny show. We had a great time.

Today, March 17th, I weighed myself at work and found that I've lost more than two pounds, putting me at 77+ pounds lost total. I'd been sitting at just under 75 pounds for a little while and it was so nice to blow past that. Woohoo!


And, just because I like happy thoughts:
Live, because it's more exciting. Laugh, because it's contagious. Love, because it's always worth it!

Schnapps-like protein shakes?! Yes, please!

I can't drink. Well, I could, but I'd be loaded really quick, as my surgery has changed my absorption of alcohols.

I can't tell you how much I miss Peppermint Schnapps**, so imagine my joy when I opened my big new bottle of DaVinci Gourmet Sugar Free Peppermint Syrup and realized it smells just like my beloved schnapps! Who's protein shakes are going to taste like fun (fun that won't give me alcohol poisoning)?! That's right, mine!


ETA: I accidentally used too much the first time I put this in my protein shake. Waaaaay too sweet. Today's shake is a much better success. My Carnation shakes are chocolate and I added a half pump of peppermint, adding just a hint of flavor. Yummy chocolate peppermint.

**I'm not an alcoholic, I swear! I rarely drank before my surgery, but, when I did go out with friends, I always started off with a yummy Peppermint Schnapps shot.

Monday Mash Up (rambles)

I ran into another post-oper tonight. She had her surgery four years ago and was someone I'd contacted prior to going into the pre-op program.

We were talking and I mentioned how I call my/our surgeon "Dr. PeopleSkills" because he doesn't have any. I feel validated, because she agreed! She said she dreads going to see him. I'm glad it's not just me, though I hate that he treats others that way.


I know I already mentioned that I went swimming on Saturday, but I forgot to say that I must be getting a lot of loose skin from losing quickly, because I could really feel stuff move when I was jogging. That is NOT a pleasant feeling. Weird is probably the best description.

I didn't like it at all until I thought about the fact that that skin use to be packed with fat. It's loose because I lost. That's not a bad thing and it'll shrink up.


Unrelated to my health journey... I think my cat is getting another UTI. She's pretty needy right now and yells a lot. It's been a year since the last one, so I can't complain too much. It use to be a quarterly occurrence.

Now, I have to try to get a urine sample from her. That’s an exercise in futility. That cat holds urine like a camel holds water. I’ve been trying for four years to get one. The closest I came was when she peed on the vet’s floor. <--I laughed. The vet didn't.

I would seriously pay someone to do this for me! I know I'll spend my three days off of work trying to keep her locked in a room with an empty litter box. Problem is, I feel bad for her and let her out too soon.

Bananas: devil food or yummy fruit?

I just ate part of a banana. Will it stay in my stomach nicely or will it make me sick? This is just one of the many thrilling adventures I have with food as a RNY post-op patient. Oh, the excitement of the unknown!

The last time I had a banana, it didn't end positively. I figure that it has too much sugar. Took me a long time to decide to try again, but I need to do it. My system can handle more now than it could even a month ago. Plus, I'd hate to live without bananas for ever. They're yummy little yellow tubes of goodness.

Edited to add: It stayed down!

Pepsi wishes and pizza dreams

I dreamed that I was eating pizza and it was such a vivid dream. Now, more than anything, I want pizza with a thick crust and lots of cheese. Ugh!

That would send my frankensteined stomach into a world of hurt (all that doughy goodness), but it sure sounds good.

Beautiful and busy day

Today is a beautiful Wisconsin day. It's 60 degrees in the beginning of March! Gusty winds, but that's more than tolerable.

I am not missing this gorgeous day, like I did earlier in the week. I made a point to be up, even though I'm normally asleep until 5 PM.

So far, I've gone to the pool, went out for breakfast, spent an hour (or two!) with my honey putting up a curtain rod (that was a lesson in working through frustration-fueled conflict), played outside with the cats, and played some New Super Mario Bros. on Wii. I'm exhausted.

Like I said, I did go swimming today, which was wonderful. When i say "swimming", I actually mean I mostly jogged in the water. Either way, good times.

It is so nice out that my cat, who is generally terrified to go outside during daylight hours, happily trotted outside on her own about an hour ago. She spent ten minutes rolling on the walkway. Her cabin fever was just that bad.

Heck, I thought the reason she'd been yowling at me all day is that she thought she deserved a treat. Guess she didn't need the gushy food I gave her. Bet she'd argue that though.

I'm a bashful beauty, I guess.

I've been at work an hour. In that time, I've had four people stop me and make a big deal about telling me how good I look with the weight loss.

While I greatly appreciate their words, it makes me want to hide. I'd have been fine with one person saying something, but, at this point, I feel like an exhibit in a zoo or something. Does that make sense? It's too much attention for my comfort, so I plaster a fake smile on and try to get away ASAP.

I also feel bad that I'm whining about people noticing my weight loss. Who doesn't want to lose weight fast and have people notice, right? Well, I guess I'm just a complicated woman.

I hear it was nice out

Yesterday was beautiful! ...I hear. I slept through it. :/

I was so tired that I slept more than 12 hours, making me miss the nice weather and not getting in enough protein or water. Now, I'm super thirsty and grumpy about my wasted day off.

First post-op road trip

On Sunday, I had my first road trip since my surgery. I totally forgot how food-centered my family's trips are. It was tough not to eat the whole way there and back.

Mom's boyfriend had a triple heart bypass in August. On Friday, two of those bypasses failed. We drove over to The Cities (St. Paul, MN), a nearly two hour drive, to pick up the boyfriend from the Veteran's Hospital.

I intentionally brought my protein shake and some Greek yogurt, but we hit a gas station on the way out of my hometown for snacks. I did good (I think), because I kept it to beef jerky, which was under my fat and sugar restrictions and high in protein. While that's good, I'm pretty sure I ate too much of it.

On the way home, the boyfriend wanted to stop at McDonald's. Quite a heart healthy meal for the cardiac patient. *rolls eyes*. That left me sitting there, twiddling my thumbs and watching them eat, because there's nothing at that restaurant that is under 3 fat grams and under 12 grams of sugar--salads don't count because I can't eat raw veggies.

However, it was funny that the stop reminded me of my McDonald's fantasies right after my surgery, when my pureed diet was killing my morale. I use to fantasize about driving to McDonald's to get a cheeseburger and licking it, so I could taste something yummy and familiar.

Oh, I had an exciting non-scale victory. I bought underwear ("panties" to people with class. :P ) that were 2 sizes smaller than what I bought the last time. How cool is that?!

More Positive Follow up to "Long time.."

I just posted a couple hours ago, after a 9-10 day hiatus. I felt that post was just "meh". There was nothing positive in it. I don't like that. I may over use sarcasm and bitch about things, but I'm a closet optimist. So, I found some positivity to share...

1st: I've lost 70 pounds since April 1st. That' 50 pounds post op. :D

Okay, okay, I'm actually 0.1 pounds short, but I'm all about rounding! I've been round my whole life. Smaller hips just means I need to round somewhere else.

That's a huge accomplishment to someone trying to get healthy! I'm pretty happy about that. That puts me at nearly 40% of the way to my goal weight. Fiiiiine, it's actually 37.4%, but, remember, I'm a rounder.

Being the crazy cat lady that I am, I compare my weight loss to cat food bags. Essentially, I've lost 4.1 bags of 17 lb Cat Chow when including my pre-op weight loss. Those suckers are heavy and I had four of them on my stomach and ass!

2nd: I just took a break and did some laps inside the building, to try to make up for being such a lazy ass with my exercise. I couldn't believe how fast I was able to walk and how many laps I could do! Wow.

I'd have quit after a couple before I lost the weight. I did several tonight and will probably do several more later. That is also a great feeling and something I'm very happy about.

Long Time No Post

Wow, long time no post!

I haven't lost any weight in the last week. Holding strong at 248 pounds, which is a 69 lb loss since April 2011. I'm not going to complain about that. I've been slacking in the exercise department, so I figure that's part of it. Plus, an occasional plateau is not unexpected.

I must be losing inches though, because the pants I bought a couple weeks ago are getting too big.

I'm still cold all the time. In fact, I jacked up the heat in my office at work to 75 degrees tonight. It's almost comfortable, though a little cool yet. I could wear a sweatshirt, but I hate wearing them at work. This scrub outfit is too cute to cover up. ;)

We had a big snow storm here in West Central Wisconsin yesterday. I was suppose to work last night, but my coworker offered to switch and I'd work Thursday (tonight) instead, keeping me off the roads until the storm was over and cleaned up.

So, I'm at work tonight. Not a bad place to be, though I'd rather be at home--really, who wouldn't, if given the choice?! The thing is that I seem to be all kinds of sensitive tonight--to smell (oh, people, take a bath!), to noise (whimpering, unnecessarily dramatic, drunk families), and various other irritants that I choose to blame on missing my anxiety meds for a few days.

I was suppose to have an appointment with my Nutritionist tomorrow, but, because I work until 6 AM, had planned to swim after work, and need to sleep before I go on the yearly post-tax return pilgrimage to the casino with family, I was going to be too tired for my appointment, so I rescheduled.

They can't get me in for a month and a half! Seriously, it's a 15-20 minute appointment. She just needs to tell me I am eating okay and whether I can start branching out in food. I keep thinking, "I wonder if my appointment is still open in the morning." Doubt it. *cry*

This isn't a terribly positive post. Sort of whiny, in fact. Sorry about that. I have no doubt that there were positive things that I'd planned on blogging about, but have escaped my mind since then. I'll work on that. :)