Changing sizes, changing style

I bought a size 20 pair of jeans from Fashion Bug's online store, figuring that, if they were still too small, they wouldn't be for long. I knew I was getting close to a 20, but not sure if I was quite there yet. Previously, I bought jeans that fit well and a week later they started to be too big, so I

So, the jeans arrived. I can squeeze my butt into them! It's tight, but not unbearable.

I wear a size 20! *happy dance* This time last year, I was wearing a 30.


I'm little flashier in my appearance and willing to wear clothes that may be a little smaller, rather than defaulting to muted and too big to hide my body. I'm still far into the obese BMIs(mine is currently 44.4 and the high end of the overweight BMI is 29.9), but still more comfortable with my body than I use to be. It's very obvious to me now that those clothes that were too big were just making me look bigger--they hid nothing.

I can see the flashiness showing in my new earring obsession. I had to buy a new jewelry holder today to handle my mass of acquired earrings. Also, I have a lot more bright, bold hair accessories (flower clips, etc.). My shirts are colors beyond darker shades of blue. My work scrubs are slimmer fitting and bold patters. I wear make up often now. It all adds up because I'm more confident and that confidence shows in my outward appearance.

I even posted on facebook for my friends to tell me if they're planning a party this summer so I have an excuse to buy a cute new dress. Trust me, dresses were not something I liked to wear before. My big arms and big calves were on display in a dress and, therefore, I wasn't wearing one. My arms are still big now (mostly, it's looser skin) and my calves are still kind of big, but I don't care. I know I look and feel so much better than I did before and I want to wear something as cute as I am, damn it! :D

Taking control of my life a year ago by making the decision to have bariatric surgery and to be mindful of my eating habits has translated into mindful living. I may have to plan and track a lot of my life, but it also makes me notice other parts, just like what I've described above. Mindful living has had a positive impact in all aspects of my life and I'm grateful for that.

What a difference a year makes!

I'm a day early, but we're going to call it close enough: One year ago, I met with my primary care provider (my PCP) to discuss being referred to a bariatric surgeon. So much has happened since then. In no particular order, here's a sampling of my last year:


**Went to (if I remember right) 26 pre-op appointments: 11 group therapies, 2 individual therapy appts, 1 exercise physiologist appt, 2 neuropsychologist appts, 4 surgeon appts, 4 nutritionist appts, 2 internal medicine appts

**Gone to 6 post-op appointments so far: 3 surgeon appts, 2 nutritionist appts, 1 group therapy

**Survived multiple Christmas celebrations while eating only a couple ounces of pureed foods.

**Have lost 60 pounds, post-op.

**Found that learning to eat post-op was a full time job for the first couple weeks.

**Allowed my picture to be taken.

**Bought a pedometer.

**Wore dresses, by my choice.

**Stayed in the hospital for five days and four nights, which was the first hospital stay since I was a toddler.

**Began swimming again and I love it.

**Joined a gym.

**Tried an exercise video.

**Involuntarily vomited after eating.

**Learned to listen to my body about whether it's hungry, how hungry it really is, and, if it's not hungry, why my brain wants me to eat.

**Started a blog.

**Considered taking a trip that involved a plane...and those dreaded plane seats.

**Had a barium swallow (bring a toothbrush and paste if you're going to have one!)

**Had my stomach tickled from the inside.

**Wore a size 30, 28, 26, 24, and 22.

**Found that people think that what I write is interesting.

**Received my first stitch.

**Lost 28 lbs, pre-op, by tracking what I was eating and making modifications.

**Gained 8 lbs of those pre-op pounds back (before surgery).

**Began making conscious food choices, instead of mindless choices.

**Smiled more.

**Had a serious case of cabin fever.

**My tummy turned purple, like a blueberry, from Heprin bruises.

**Lost 28 lbs, pre-op, by tracking what I was eating and making modifications.

**Amazed myself with my new-found ambition.

**Started walking.

**Walked more than 11,000 steps in a day.

**Nearly got rid of all my asthma issues.

**Stopped squeaking when I sleep.

**Realized that struggles don't have to be a totally private fight.

**Made some great friends.

**Tucked my shirt in without cringing at the view in the mirror.

**Had less back pain.

**Picked up heavy things that I would have had Travis take care of in the past.

**Learned how to cook a little.

**Moved my body more.

**Crossed my legs without realizing it.

**Loaded up tons of clothes that are too big.

**Enjoyed food without inhaling it.

**Realized that I do, in fact, have a collar bone.

**Found out that it's very hard to find an adult liquid pain reliever.

**Admitted that it was hard to give up my "big" clothes, because I'm afraid I'll gain the weight back.

**Took 3 months and 60 pounds, post op, for ME to truly be able to see the lost weight, but it has finally happened.

**Began drawing again.

**Bought an iPod for working out and walking.

**Physical movements became easier.

**My feet became skinnier.

**Had to give up wearing my engagement ring, when it became way too big.

**Lost a good portion of my double chin.

Weight and goal updates

I weighed myself today. Down to 259.6 lbs. That means multple things.

1) My BMI is down 11 (points?) since I started losing weight in April. That is excellent. Still very high, but an excellent improvement.

2) I now weigh less than I did when I met Travis, five and a half years ago. Not much less and I do wear it differently, thanks to age and sagging skin from losing so quickly, but I am very happy with this victory none the less.

My next goal is to get my weight down to less than his. Yes, at 5' 2", I weigh more than my 6'1" boyfriend. It's embarassing to admit, but it is the truth. However, I plan to make it untrue very soon. Only 30 pounds (give or take some) until I pass his weight. A couple months, maybe.