Look at me, getting all quiet for a while! Who knew I could be quiet, let alone for nearly two weeks.

Several things come to mind to talk about:


I've been eating beyond my 1,000 cal limit for a few days. I'm usually very careful about keeping under or close to 900 calories a day. Lately, I've just wanted to eat. Could be hormonal. Could be that I didn't have the proper foods in house, so I subconsciously decided to eat whatever I wanted. Could be these are all just excuses. ;)

My work schedule leaves me especially tired, both physically and emotionally. It's hard to get any sort of structure in one's life when working different days of the week all the time.

I decided that a daytime, Monday to Friday job would be beneficial in dealing with my need for a routine and helping me feel less tired all the time. Luckily, there was a posting for a different job in my same department (different facility), so I applied.

I interviewed, which I think went well, and received a voicemail on Thursday saying that HR wanted to talk to me about the position. Sounds promising, right? It was beyond business hours when the person left the voicemail and I didn't get it until even later, so I called back on Friday at 2 PM (the earliest I could drag my butt out of bed. I was tired, like I said). She didn't answer, so I left a voicemail and then I called back at 3 PM with the same result. The person in HR didn't get back to me by the end of the business day on Friday, leaving this drawn out until sometime Monday.

While the idea of a new job with structure sounds great, I'm so very torn over it. There are several pros and cons and I cannot figure out which way to go. One severe con is a loss of a few thousand dollars in income yearly if they do not offer me a raise with the new position. Is getting a structured schedule, which will help me with my post op life--pills, meals, exercise--worth the added financial stress? I just can't decide. I've been thinking about this since I interviewed a week ago and still haven't come to a decision.

I've found that a good B Complex vitamin seems to be helping with hair loss. When I take it faithfully, the loss seems less. If I skip for a week, I start to lose more. This is pretty awesome to know. "Knowledge is power," and all that.

My current pill is not a chewable, but it's a small tablet, no larger than a Tylenol pill. At first, I was concerned that it would cause an intestinal blockage or something, as the doctors drill that possibility into pre-op minds, but I'm sure I've accidentally swallowed a piece of food larger than that without issue (remember: chew, chew, chew your food!).

My weight has been stalled lately. I heard somewhere that it usually happens around 3 months that, due to stress on the body, the system hords weight for a bit. I'm at 5 months and it's just now happening. I'm a late bloomer, I guess.

Other than keeping me 3 lbs from hitting the 100 lb loss mark, I'm not too upset. I'm trying to keep my activity up on my days off and walk during my breaks when I do work. I've had a few people say that I look like I've lost more weight and that really makes me think that I must be gaining muscle and losing fat. Though my weight is stuck, I'm sure my measurements are changing. That is okay by me.

Plus, someone stopped today and said, "anybody told you that you're looking sexy lately?" LOL Who can argue with a question like that?!

5 AM and no calories left!

I've been so food obsessive today that I only have enough calories to have my two protein shakes between now and midnight tonight! It's five o'clock in the morning.

I'll actually be over 40 calories if that's all I have the rest of today, but I'll still be short on protein. Grrr!

If I were allowed more than 800 calories a day, what I ate wouldn't be so bad:
1/2 cup of cream corn
2.25 oz of tuna salad with lite mayo
1 serving of 13 Wheat Thins Fiber Select crackers
1 medium banana
1 tbsp Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter

So, my options are: A) be short on protein and only slightly over on calories (and be convinced I'll starve by the time midnight rolls around), or B) eat something high in protein tonight and increase the number of calories I'm over my allowed 800 per day.

I think I'll try to go with just the shakes after I wake up for work tonight, but I'll plan ahead and bring food in case I feel really hungry.



The root of the problem was several instances of poor planning and boredom.

1. I didn't bring food to my mom's place when I was doing laundry, so I had to search through her cupboards to find something within my food limits when I was really hungry around 1:30 AM. That lead to the cream corn.
2. I was home around 3 AM and was hungry again, so I had the tuna salad and too many Wheat Thins. <--I chose not to count out how many I wanted to eat and ended up having a full serving, instead of half. 3. Around 4:30 AM, there was a banana I found on the counter just about to go bad and oh how I love bananas and peanut butter. Well, I couldn't let that banana go bad! Being bored aided the decision to eat the 100 calorie banana and 100 calories tbsp of peanut butter--together, those two items are 25% of my daily calories. 4. Finally, I hadn't plugged my two required shakes into my food diary yet, so I didn't realize how few calories I had left for my meals. All preventable issues. I'm annoyed and frustrated with myself, but I'm going to look at this as a flub. I messed up and it will make me vigilant of my calorie usage in the future. These things happen and berating myself isn't going to fix anything. Learn and move forward, that's what I try to do. ETA:
It's 8:15 PM and I'm doing okay on just the shakes (so far). I have a string cheese in my lunch bag if things get dire--you know, like I begin to feel as if I could gnaw someone's arm off because I'm so hungry. I work in a hospital with sick people. I don't want to be gnawing on anybody here. Eeew!

I have nothing to do tonight at work other than wait for patients. All my other jobs are done, so I figure now's a good time to do an update...

I've officially lost 86.2 lbs, weighing in at 230.8 lbs! Also, I bought new scrubs in XL, thinking they'd be slightly too small yet, but I'd have them ready for the time they'd fit. Turns out, they already fit and I look fabulous. I'm wearing them tonight.

When I tried them on last night and I realized that I'm down to an XL from a 4XL (nearly a 5XL), I did an honest to goodness happy-dance. There was some major booty shaking.

What a difference a year makes!

I'm a day early, but we're going to call it close enough: One year ago, I met with my primary care provider (my PCP) to discuss being referred to a bariatric surgeon. So much has happened since then. In no particular order, here's a sampling of my last year:


**Went to (if I remember right) 26 pre-op appointments: 11 group therapies, 2 individual therapy appts, 1 exercise physiologist appt, 2 neuropsychologist appts, 4 surgeon appts, 4 nutritionist appts, 2 internal medicine appts

**Gone to 6 post-op appointments so far: 3 surgeon appts, 2 nutritionist appts, 1 group therapy

**Survived multiple Christmas celebrations while eating only a couple ounces of pureed foods.

**Have lost 60 pounds, post-op.

**Found that learning to eat post-op was a full time job for the first couple weeks.

**Allowed my picture to be taken.

**Bought a pedometer.

**Wore dresses, by my choice.

**Stayed in the hospital for five days and four nights, which was the first hospital stay since I was a toddler.

**Began swimming again and I love it.

**Joined a gym.

**Tried an exercise video.

**Involuntarily vomited after eating.

**Learned to listen to my body about whether it's hungry, how hungry it really is, and, if it's not hungry, why my brain wants me to eat.

**Started a blog.

**Considered taking a trip that involved a plane...and those dreaded plane seats.

**Had a barium swallow (bring a toothbrush and paste if you're going to have one!)

**Had my stomach tickled from the inside.

**Wore a size 30, 28, 26, 24, and 22.

**Found that people think that what I write is interesting.

**Received my first stitch.

**Lost 28 lbs, pre-op, by tracking what I was eating and making modifications.

**Gained 8 lbs of those pre-op pounds back (before surgery).

**Began making conscious food choices, instead of mindless choices.

**Smiled more.

**Had a serious case of cabin fever.

**My tummy turned purple, like a blueberry, from Heprin bruises.

**Lost 28 lbs, pre-op, by tracking what I was eating and making modifications.

**Amazed myself with my new-found ambition.

**Started walking.

**Walked more than 11,000 steps in a day.

**Nearly got rid of all my asthma issues.

**Stopped squeaking when I sleep.

**Realized that struggles don't have to be a totally private fight.

**Made some great friends.

**Tucked my shirt in without cringing at the view in the mirror.

**Had less back pain.

**Picked up heavy things that I would have had Travis take care of in the past.

**Learned how to cook a little.

**Moved my body more.

**Crossed my legs without realizing it.

**Loaded up tons of clothes that are too big.

**Enjoyed food without inhaling it.

**Realized that I do, in fact, have a collar bone.

**Found out that it's very hard to find an adult liquid pain reliever.

**Admitted that it was hard to give up my "big" clothes, because I'm afraid I'll gain the weight back.

**Took 3 months and 60 pounds, post op, for ME to truly be able to see the lost weight, but it has finally happened.

**Began drawing again.

**Bought an iPod for working out and walking.

**Physical movements became easier.

**My feet became skinnier.

**Had to give up wearing my engagement ring, when it became way too big.

**Lost a good portion of my double chin.

1st Nutritionist Appt/New food plan

Went to see my Nutritionist for the first time since my surgery. She advanced my diet a bit, which I'm both happy about and nervous.

Instead of primarily protein, at the expense of veggies. It was easy to deal with 3 oz of protein, because I could just make something, weigh it, and flop it into a container. Easy-peasy.

Now, I have to plan out three parts of each meal--1 oz protein, 1/4 cup veggies, and 2 tbsp starch. Meh. Complicated.

Also, how the hell do I get enough protein eating the new way? Hmmm? I am required to get 50-60 grams of protein a day, to make sure that, as I lose weight, my body gets rid of fat, not lean muscle.

As I was eating, I'd sometimes get 70 grams, but mostly pretty close to 60. Cutting my protein down by 2/3 each meal is going to make a dent in my protein intake. I can't use a real protein shake (I use Carnation Instant Breakfast) because, when I tried one a couple weeks ago, it made me sick. So, I'm not getting as much as I could from a shake to balance the reduction in food based protein.

I'm sure it'll work out. Just takes some time to learn what and how to do things. I'm not a fan of change, but life is full of it and I'm learning to roll with what's thrown at me.