Holy Bouncing Baywatch Boobs, Batman!

I bought a new swim suit. It's a cheap one from Walmart (whopping $15), but still pretty cute.

I think my old one was a 22/24 and it just wasn't keeping things stable when I was jogging in the water. The skin on my stomach is loose and, when I jog, I've found that my stomach moves up and down, launching my chest up and down with it. While I'm not stacked like Dolly Pardon or anything, it's a little more chest movement than I am comfortable with. The water I work out in is about chest high, so my boobs were bouncing in and out of the water. I felt like it was an awkward, plus-size Baywatch moment.

The new one is an 18/20 and, when I was jogging in the water today, it seem to hold my stomach a little tighter. Things didn't move as much.


When I tried on the suit the other day, I modeled for myself in the bathroom mirror. One thing I've noticed is that my butt is rounder. It use to be big, but flat. Does that make sense?

I'm not sure if it is just fat loss or partly because I'm more active, creating better muscle tone. Either way, I'm a fan.


On the subject of clothes...

I put on one of my Honey's sweat shirts and it fit! I only tried on one, because, when the first try is a success, why ruin it with another try?

Pics down nearly 70 lbs post-op

I'm bored and tired. Let's update pics!

These were taken over the weekend, about 4 months post-op. When I weighed in on Monday, I was at 227.5 lbs. That's a post-op loss of 69.5(!) and a total loss of 89.5 lbs! I'm pretty happy with the results so far.


In the face picture, I think I look a little drunk. It's my eyes. I can tell you the problem (and it wasn't Schnapps): I didn't have my glasses on and I'm so blind without them. Everything was fuzzy and I couldn't focus. The camera kept putting a huge glare in the lenses when I'd take a picture with my glasses on.

I posted pics about a month ago with comparisons to pictures from just after my surgery, if you'd like to see the difference.

So. very. tired.

I am planning to call my Internal Medicine doc tomorrow, because I'm just so darn tired all the time. I am worried that I may be anemic.

I had an appointment with him about a month ago--my first one post-op--and I thought he did some iron test, but I think it was a certain kind of iron. I'm going to ask him if he can run a general iron test and maybe some other tests that my explain why I am so tired.

I can sleep 8 hours, wake up for two, and sleep another 8 hours. Little things wipe me out very quickly. Today, for example, after getting a full night's rest, I got up, got ready, and drove 10 miles to visit with an acquaintance for an hour or so. We just sat at her kitchen table and talked. By the time I got home, I'd lost all my energy and could have easily gone to sleep.

This constant tiredness is wearing on my mental state also. I'm very discontent in my work as of late, feeling burned out on my schedule. It makes me quick to be irritated with people too, which is not something I am comfortable with.

Hopefully, Dr. Hal can figure something out. I'm a fan of sleep, but only when it's refreshing.


ETA:
Saw Dr. Hal today and he ran some more blood tests, which came back without any abnormalities. He figures my fatigue is a withdrawal symptom from lowering my Paxil dose from 20 mg to 10 mg.

He said that they've found that Paxil is very hard to get off of due to withdrawal symptoms like I'm experiencing (fatigue, feelings of malcontent, etc.). They generally end up putting the patient on another anxiety/depression med first and ween them off the Paxil.

The plan is to double my dose again, putting me back at 20 mgs. When I see him in 2 months (my 6 month post-op appt), if I still want off Paxil, we can look into adding that other med and slowly getting me off my original pill. By then, my body will be better healed from the surgery and I can better assess whether I even need an anxiety med anymore.

He believes that doubling my dose will help with my mood and energy.

5 AM and no calories left!

I've been so food obsessive today that I only have enough calories to have my two protein shakes between now and midnight tonight! It's five o'clock in the morning.

I'll actually be over 40 calories if that's all I have the rest of today, but I'll still be short on protein. Grrr!

If I were allowed more than 800 calories a day, what I ate wouldn't be so bad:
1/2 cup of cream corn
2.25 oz of tuna salad with lite mayo
1 serving of 13 Wheat Thins Fiber Select crackers
1 medium banana
1 tbsp Smucker's Natural Peanut Butter

So, my options are: A) be short on protein and only slightly over on calories (and be convinced I'll starve by the time midnight rolls around), or B) eat something high in protein tonight and increase the number of calories I'm over my allowed 800 per day.

I think I'll try to go with just the shakes after I wake up for work tonight, but I'll plan ahead and bring food in case I feel really hungry.



The root of the problem was several instances of poor planning and boredom.

1. I didn't bring food to my mom's place when I was doing laundry, so I had to search through her cupboards to find something within my food limits when I was really hungry around 1:30 AM. That lead to the cream corn.
2. I was home around 3 AM and was hungry again, so I had the tuna salad and too many Wheat Thins. <--I chose not to count out how many I wanted to eat and ended up having a full serving, instead of half. 3. Around 4:30 AM, there was a banana I found on the counter just about to go bad and oh how I love bananas and peanut butter. Well, I couldn't let that banana go bad! Being bored aided the decision to eat the 100 calorie banana and 100 calories tbsp of peanut butter--together, those two items are 25% of my daily calories. 4. Finally, I hadn't plugged my two required shakes into my food diary yet, so I didn't realize how few calories I had left for my meals. All preventable issues. I'm annoyed and frustrated with myself, but I'm going to look at this as a flub. I messed up and it will make me vigilant of my calorie usage in the future. These things happen and berating myself isn't going to fix anything. Learn and move forward, that's what I try to do. ETA:
It's 8:15 PM and I'm doing okay on just the shakes (so far). I have a string cheese in my lunch bag if things get dire--you know, like I begin to feel as if I could gnaw someone's arm off because I'm so hungry. I work in a hospital with sick people. I don't want to be gnawing on anybody here. Eeew!

I have nothing to do tonight at work other than wait for patients. All my other jobs are done, so I figure now's a good time to do an update...

I've officially lost 86.2 lbs, weighing in at 230.8 lbs! Also, I bought new scrubs in XL, thinking they'd be slightly too small yet, but I'd have them ready for the time they'd fit. Turns out, they already fit and I look fabulous. I'm wearing them tonight.

When I tried them on last night and I realized that I'm down to an XL from a 4XL (nearly a 5XL), I did an honest to goodness happy-dance. There was some major booty shaking.

Least favorite subject

One of the few subjects that I loathe to discuss is bowel movements and the resulting product. Plainly stated: I hate poop-talk. Sorry, can't stand it.

However, I'm a grown up, so sometimes it needs to be done. <---another reason why being an adult is overrated, in my opinion. At post op appointments, everyone, from the surgeon to the nutritionist, is interested in bowel movements--"how often?" "any constipation?"

Why am I posting about a subject I dislike? Because I had to break down and buy fiber tablets today. It's a common post-op reality.

The post op diet, at least the stage I am at, is focused primarily on getting protein in. All that protein-heavy food takes away space from fiber-rich foods. Plus, I'm not yet okayed to eat raw veggies, so that's another source I cannot access. Most days, I get between 4 and 7 grams. On a really good day, when I've been able to have a can of V8, I can get in around 10 grams of fiber. I should get AT LEAST twice that for optimum "regularity".

Truthfully, I'm tired of feeling bloated and digestively unhappy--unhappy enough to write about it! So, I decided to buck up and buy Fiber Choice sugar-free fiber tablets.

I've been good about taking my vitamins and prescribed pills lately. Now that I have a handle on those, a couple extra pills a day shouldn't mess me up...hopefully.

I have a hideous track record when it comes to consistently taking my pills. But, I'm growing as a person, as my body shrinks up. I'm more mindful of what needs to be done in my life and I'm doing a pretty good job of getting most of those things accomplished or, at least, started.

A Tale From A Post-Op, Novice Cook

Splenda. I'm not a great fan, but it'll do in a pinch (like when it's free at work and I need a sweetener). Tonight, the pinch was my royally silly attempt at reducing the spicy-factor of the chili I made and brought for dinner.

A coworker told me to use sugar to reduce the spiciness. I can't have sugar. We debated back and forth about whether Splenda would work. Finally, I decided to throw caution to the wind, since it was a whopping 3.5 oz container of chili that I had in the fridge, so it wouldn't be a huge loss.

The result? A very sweet, slightly less spicy bowl of "eh". It wasn't great. It wasn't horrible. It was just an amusing example of the strange things we Healthy Journey-ists (WLSers and non, alike) will do to have good taste and stay on track

Fatigue, my constant companion

Couple things going on for me:

1) I'm really tired all the time. I'm generally sleeping between 9 hours when I work and even more on my days off. I've lost 60+ pounds in three and a half months. I expect that to wear me down a little. If my body is stressed or improperly nourished enough to make me lose hair, that'll add to my fatigue, as will the fact that I had my period for three or more weeks (potential for anemia).

Travis gives me a hard time occasionally about me sleeping so much, but I just don't think he gets it. He's just noticing that, when he's awake and wanting to do something, I'm sleeping or tired and moody. If I'm still super tired in a couple weeks and he's still frustrated by my sleeping, we'll have to talk it out. I'm not terribly worried about that part.

2) My dad's 69th birthday is tomorrow (April 4). That means I have to stop dodging his calls and make actual contact.

As I mentioned in January, Dad and I don't have a great relationship. Being only 12, 13, or 14 years old and yet the more mature one in the relationship wore down my patience for him. Having him question whether I was truthful when I said I loved him at the end of a phone conversation a couple years ago was my breaking point, making me not want to deal with him at all.

Unfortunately, my mom's boyfriend is like a nagging little birdy, reminding me that my dad wants to talk to me and telling me how Dad has changed for the better**. So, on the off chance that Mom's boyfriend is right, I suppose I need to put on my big girl panties and try talking to Dad again. Wishing him a happy birthday is probably a good place to start.

Gosh! I have to pay bills, go to appointments, work hard, take all my pills, AND deal with my Dad. Being a grown up is such a pain in my saggy butt. ;)



**I still wish someone would tell me who gave them permission to be friends now. lol What happened?!

At a loss--hair loss!

There's no more denying it: I'm into the hair-loss phase and I'm not happy about it!

Over the last week, I've begun to have more hair left on my hair-bobs when I take them out. Today, I was brushing my hair after my shower and there was SO much that came out. :(

This is a pretty common thing for weight loss surgery patients, because we have two big stressers: a major surgery and fast weight loss. Both created lots of stress on our bodies. Plus, hair is all protein. If protein is needed elsewhere in the body, it'll be diverted from going to a non-essential area, like hair, and directed to muscles and such. This may be common in WLS patients, but I not like it!

Hair loss can also be an issue malnourishment--maybe not getting enough of a certain vitamin or maybe the protein intake is really that low.

If the hair loss is due to stressers, there's nothing I can do and the loss will resolve itself eventually (hopefully before I look like Mrs. Clean!). However, if it's a nourishment issue, I could do something. Since I don't know which is the problem, I'm going to treat the one I can.

First, I've increased my protein to at least 80 grams per day, which is up from 60 recommending by my Nutritionist. That reduces my ability to take in veggies (little tummies only hold so much), but I can drink V8 if need be to get that in. Secondly, I'm being diligent about my vitamins. I have struggled with those pills and the crazy scheduling I have to do to get them all in, but the time has come to give it my best effort. Third, I lightly massage my scalp twice a day to increase blood flow, which can aid growth. Hopefully, the combination of these three will make a difference.

I feel petty for freaking out about this, but I like my hair, damn it!

Changing sizes, changing style

I bought a size 20 pair of jeans from Fashion Bug's online store, figuring that, if they were still too small, they wouldn't be for long. I knew I was getting close to a 20, but not sure if I was quite there yet. Previously, I bought jeans that fit well and a week later they started to be too big, so I

So, the jeans arrived. I can squeeze my butt into them! It's tight, but not unbearable.

I wear a size 20! *happy dance* This time last year, I was wearing a 30.


I'm little flashier in my appearance and willing to wear clothes that may be a little smaller, rather than defaulting to muted and too big to hide my body. I'm still far into the obese BMIs(mine is currently 44.4 and the high end of the overweight BMI is 29.9), but still more comfortable with my body than I use to be. It's very obvious to me now that those clothes that were too big were just making me look bigger--they hid nothing.

I can see the flashiness showing in my new earring obsession. I had to buy a new jewelry holder today to handle my mass of acquired earrings. Also, I have a lot more bright, bold hair accessories (flower clips, etc.). My shirts are colors beyond darker shades of blue. My work scrubs are slimmer fitting and bold patters. I wear make up often now. It all adds up because I'm more confident and that confidence shows in my outward appearance.

I even posted on facebook for my friends to tell me if they're planning a party this summer so I have an excuse to buy a cute new dress. Trust me, dresses were not something I liked to wear before. My big arms and big calves were on display in a dress and, therefore, I wasn't wearing one. My arms are still big now (mostly, it's looser skin) and my calves are still kind of big, but I don't care. I know I look and feel so much better than I did before and I want to wear something as cute as I am, damn it! :D

Taking control of my life a year ago by making the decision to have bariatric surgery and to be mindful of my eating habits has translated into mindful living. I may have to plan and track a lot of my life, but it also makes me notice other parts, just like what I've described above. Mindful living has had a positive impact in all aspects of my life and I'm grateful for that.

What a difference a year makes!

I'm a day early, but we're going to call it close enough: One year ago, I met with my primary care provider (my PCP) to discuss being referred to a bariatric surgeon. So much has happened since then. In no particular order, here's a sampling of my last year:


**Went to (if I remember right) 26 pre-op appointments: 11 group therapies, 2 individual therapy appts, 1 exercise physiologist appt, 2 neuropsychologist appts, 4 surgeon appts, 4 nutritionist appts, 2 internal medicine appts

**Gone to 6 post-op appointments so far: 3 surgeon appts, 2 nutritionist appts, 1 group therapy

**Survived multiple Christmas celebrations while eating only a couple ounces of pureed foods.

**Have lost 60 pounds, post-op.

**Found that learning to eat post-op was a full time job for the first couple weeks.

**Allowed my picture to be taken.

**Bought a pedometer.

**Wore dresses, by my choice.

**Stayed in the hospital for five days and four nights, which was the first hospital stay since I was a toddler.

**Began swimming again and I love it.

**Joined a gym.

**Tried an exercise video.

**Involuntarily vomited after eating.

**Learned to listen to my body about whether it's hungry, how hungry it really is, and, if it's not hungry, why my brain wants me to eat.

**Started a blog.

**Considered taking a trip that involved a plane...and those dreaded plane seats.

**Had a barium swallow (bring a toothbrush and paste if you're going to have one!)

**Had my stomach tickled from the inside.

**Wore a size 30, 28, 26, 24, and 22.

**Found that people think that what I write is interesting.

**Received my first stitch.

**Lost 28 lbs, pre-op, by tracking what I was eating and making modifications.

**Gained 8 lbs of those pre-op pounds back (before surgery).

**Began making conscious food choices, instead of mindless choices.

**Smiled more.

**Had a serious case of cabin fever.

**My tummy turned purple, like a blueberry, from Heprin bruises.

**Lost 28 lbs, pre-op, by tracking what I was eating and making modifications.

**Amazed myself with my new-found ambition.

**Started walking.

**Walked more than 11,000 steps in a day.

**Nearly got rid of all my asthma issues.

**Stopped squeaking when I sleep.

**Realized that struggles don't have to be a totally private fight.

**Made some great friends.

**Tucked my shirt in without cringing at the view in the mirror.

**Had less back pain.

**Picked up heavy things that I would have had Travis take care of in the past.

**Learned how to cook a little.

**Moved my body more.

**Crossed my legs without realizing it.

**Loaded up tons of clothes that are too big.

**Enjoyed food without inhaling it.

**Realized that I do, in fact, have a collar bone.

**Found out that it's very hard to find an adult liquid pain reliever.

**Admitted that it was hard to give up my "big" clothes, because I'm afraid I'll gain the weight back.

**Took 3 months and 60 pounds, post op, for ME to truly be able to see the lost weight, but it has finally happened.

**Began drawing again.

**Bought an iPod for working out and walking.

**Physical movements became easier.

**My feet became skinnier.

**Had to give up wearing my engagement ring, when it became way too big.

**Lost a good portion of my double chin.

Walking doesn't suck. Who knew?

Last week, I bought a Fitbit. It's a pedometer that tracks steps, flights of stairs, your activity level by the minute, and your sleep quality. It's quite the little contraption.

I purchased it because I needed something to challenge myself with and to help me change my old attitude toward walking. I'm not competitive with out people, because I've never been at a fitness level where it was even possible to consider being able to beat someone athletically, but I can be very competitive with myself. With the Fitbit, each day, I try to walk just a little further or go up another flight of steps.

Yesterday, I had an excellent day, exercise/walking-wise.

I didn't get up until noon-ish and sat on my butt until about 4 PM. Then, I drug my fiance to the local park and we walked quite a ways (for us, anyway), looking at the animals. Travis actually wanted to turn and head back to the car before I did. That's never happened before!! Between walking and gawking at the animals, I'd say we were out about an hour.

Then, I headed to Mom's to do laundry--yep, I'm 32 and still do laundry at my moms. :P While her clothes were finishing, before mine went in, we decided to go for a short walk. The walk probably took 20-25 minutes. There was 30 minutes left on the dryer load when we left and it wasn't quite finished when we arrived back at the house.

Keeping in mind that, between the time I woke up and when I left for the park I probably had less than 1,000 steps in, I'd say hitting over 10,000 steps was an excellent achievement! My total distance was 10,582 steps by midnight, which equals 4.01 miles with my stride length. At least 2.5 would have been from walking with Travis and Mom.

That's the most steps I've had in a day since buying my Fitbit. The fact I don't hurt from all the walking shows me how far I've come with getting fit and that I could have gone further. I'm tired, because that's more exercise than I normally get in a day, but it certainly wasn't my limit.

Prior to my weight loss, walking was painful, boring, and hard to do for more than a short while. Unfortunately, I have had a hard time losing that opinion since losing nearly 80 pounds. It's no longer hard or painful. Yeah, if I'm alone, it's still boring, but that's where my iPod comes in, right?

Right now, I'm excited about how far I walked and how easy it was. In a couple days, I may fall back into that old attitude. I felt that way for so long that it creeps back in and erases that enthusiasm easily.

Maybe that should be my self-assigned homework to work on getting rid of the old, hateful attitude toward walking and exercise. Exercise and walk often enough that the enthusiasm doesn't have time to be erased.

Depo Difficulties

The day after tomorrow (March 24), I am due to get my next birth control shot. I'm a little torn on how excited I am about this.

On the plus side, it will hopefully FINALLY stop my period. This is my third shot. One would hope that, after three, the beast would be tamed.

I'm on week number two, right now, of having my period (not just spotting!) while on a birth control that is famous for getting rid of a woman's period. I'm so beyond special. I'm praying this next shot makes me a little less special. Sometimes, it's good to be average. :)

On the negative side, for a week after I get it, I will want to eat everything in sight, whether I'm hungry or not.

Lately, I've been fighting the compulsion to eat anyway. I'll admit I've been over my calories a few times this last week. I haven't eaten bad things, just too often. That's though to fight without the BC shot egging me on. But, I've found that these cravings or compulsions come and go. I'll just have to get my self psyched up to fight them. It so nice out that I'll have to make myself go for a walk or something.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, right? So, I'm planning to keep active in some way shape or form. I'll walk, I have a new Wii exercise game that I can play (though I'm a little scared after I hurt my shoulder playing Wii tennis. Sad, right? LOL), and I have my Kindle loaded with good books. My new motto should be "Do."

Photos: 77 lbs lost

I haven't updated pictures in a while. Let's fix that!

The left pic is just 16 days after my surgery at approx 273 lbs. The right pic was about two months
after surgery and I was at around 253 lbs.



This was taken on Monday. Ignore the ugly hair, please. I'm down 77 lbs, weighing 239.4 lbs. I still have elbow blub, but I've always had big arms so that'll take a while to shrink up. Did you notice, though...I have something of a waist! Kinda excited about that.

3 months post-op and life's good

Been a good few days...

Thursday, March 15th, was my 3 month surg-iversary. Still no complications, I'm losing weight, and feeling good.

Friday, March 16th, I saw Dr. PeopleSkills for another post-op check up. Must have beed a Stepford or Pod version of him, because he didn't once call me or my stomach "big" and he said I was doing great. Yes, he said something positive! I like Pod Dr. PeopleSkills. :)

Also, Friday night, my mom and I went to see Bill Engvall, the comedian, at Eau Claire's State Theater. Very funny show. We had a great time.

Today, March 17th, I weighed myself at work and found that I've lost more than two pounds, putting me at 77+ pounds lost total. I'd been sitting at just under 75 pounds for a little while and it was so nice to blow past that. Woohoo!


And, just because I like happy thoughts:
Live, because it's more exciting. Laugh, because it's contagious. Love, because it's always worth it!

Schnapps-like protein shakes?! Yes, please!

I can't drink. Well, I could, but I'd be loaded really quick, as my surgery has changed my absorption of alcohols.

I can't tell you how much I miss Peppermint Schnapps**, so imagine my joy when I opened my big new bottle of DaVinci Gourmet Sugar Free Peppermint Syrup and realized it smells just like my beloved schnapps! Who's protein shakes are going to taste like fun (fun that won't give me alcohol poisoning)?! That's right, mine!


ETA: I accidentally used too much the first time I put this in my protein shake. Waaaaay too sweet. Today's shake is a much better success. My Carnation shakes are chocolate and I added a half pump of peppermint, adding just a hint of flavor. Yummy chocolate peppermint.

**I'm not an alcoholic, I swear! I rarely drank before my surgery, but, when I did go out with friends, I always started off with a yummy Peppermint Schnapps shot.

Monday Mash Up (rambles)

I ran into another post-oper tonight. She had her surgery four years ago and was someone I'd contacted prior to going into the pre-op program.

We were talking and I mentioned how I call my/our surgeon "Dr. PeopleSkills" because he doesn't have any. I feel validated, because she agreed! She said she dreads going to see him. I'm glad it's not just me, though I hate that he treats others that way.


I know I already mentioned that I went swimming on Saturday, but I forgot to say that I must be getting a lot of loose skin from losing quickly, because I could really feel stuff move when I was jogging. That is NOT a pleasant feeling. Weird is probably the best description.

I didn't like it at all until I thought about the fact that that skin use to be packed with fat. It's loose because I lost. That's not a bad thing and it'll shrink up.


Unrelated to my health journey... I think my cat is getting another UTI. She's pretty needy right now and yells a lot. It's been a year since the last one, so I can't complain too much. It use to be a quarterly occurrence.

Now, I have to try to get a urine sample from her. That’s an exercise in futility. That cat holds urine like a camel holds water. I’ve been trying for four years to get one. The closest I came was when she peed on the vet’s floor. <--I laughed. The vet didn't.

I would seriously pay someone to do this for me! I know I'll spend my three days off of work trying to keep her locked in a room with an empty litter box. Problem is, I feel bad for her and let her out too soon.

Bananas: devil food or yummy fruit?

I just ate part of a banana. Will it stay in my stomach nicely or will it make me sick? This is just one of the many thrilling adventures I have with food as a RNY post-op patient. Oh, the excitement of the unknown!

The last time I had a banana, it didn't end positively. I figure that it has too much sugar. Took me a long time to decide to try again, but I need to do it. My system can handle more now than it could even a month ago. Plus, I'd hate to live without bananas for ever. They're yummy little yellow tubes of goodness.

Edited to add: It stayed down!

Pepsi wishes and pizza dreams

I dreamed that I was eating pizza and it was such a vivid dream. Now, more than anything, I want pizza with a thick crust and lots of cheese. Ugh!

That would send my frankensteined stomach into a world of hurt (all that doughy goodness), but it sure sounds good.

Beautiful and busy day

Today is a beautiful Wisconsin day. It's 60 degrees in the beginning of March! Gusty winds, but that's more than tolerable.

I am not missing this gorgeous day, like I did earlier in the week. I made a point to be up, even though I'm normally asleep until 5 PM.

So far, I've gone to the pool, went out for breakfast, spent an hour (or two!) with my honey putting up a curtain rod (that was a lesson in working through frustration-fueled conflict), played outside with the cats, and played some New Super Mario Bros. on Wii. I'm exhausted.

Like I said, I did go swimming today, which was wonderful. When i say "swimming", I actually mean I mostly jogged in the water. Either way, good times.

It is so nice out that my cat, who is generally terrified to go outside during daylight hours, happily trotted outside on her own about an hour ago. She spent ten minutes rolling on the walkway. Her cabin fever was just that bad.

Heck, I thought the reason she'd been yowling at me all day is that she thought she deserved a treat. Guess she didn't need the gushy food I gave her. Bet she'd argue that though.

I'm a bashful beauty, I guess.

I've been at work an hour. In that time, I've had four people stop me and make a big deal about telling me how good I look with the weight loss.

While I greatly appreciate their words, it makes me want to hide. I'd have been fine with one person saying something, but, at this point, I feel like an exhibit in a zoo or something. Does that make sense? It's too much attention for my comfort, so I plaster a fake smile on and try to get away ASAP.

I also feel bad that I'm whining about people noticing my weight loss. Who doesn't want to lose weight fast and have people notice, right? Well, I guess I'm just a complicated woman.